Filed under: Comment
So recently I was at Singapore Airport – the best airport in the entire Universe – and given it was an ungodly hour and I was up, I needed a coffee to survive.
Spotting a Costa Coffee, I popped over to grab myself a cup of hot coffee flavoured liquid, but before I ordered, I spotted this:
Can you see it?
It’s the names … Medio and Massimo.
Unsurprisingly, medio is Italian for medium but massimo isn’t Italian large … oh no, … massimo is Italian for maximum.
MAXIMUM!
As in ‘no more can be physically poured or consumed’.
Though I bet $100 that within a few years, when they realise that ‘portion inflation’ has made their current biggest sized coffee a small size in the future, they’ll launch the ‘Grande Massimo’ to get back in line with the competition … especially Macca’s whose current small cup used to allegedly be their large size 15 year ago.
But that’s not what is bothering me – though it should [and it’s something I’d be getting diet companies, like Jenny Craig, should be fighting against if they really care about helping their customers lose weight] – it’s the fact Costa bloody Coffee is an English brand.
ENGLISH!
They’re about as Italian as a can of Heinz spaghetti bolognese and yet there they are, playing the mighty Italian card when they are absolutely nothing of the sort.
The other way of looking at it is Costa Coffee are liars and thieves.
Yes, liars and thieves … pretending to come from a nation that is renowned for their love of coffee so they can steal SG$14 of your money for a crappy latte and a small lemon muffin.
Yes, SG$14 … or about £7 in real money, a bloody disgrace.
Why a competitor brand hasn’t called them on this is anyones guess – probably because they’re as complicit in this coffee nation bullshit as the rest of them – but before anyone thinks I’m being too hard on them, you can relax knowing they got their own back by calling the Police when I accidentally left my bag at the cafe and walked off … only for me to return in a panic 45 minutes later [I told you I was tired] and found the place had been cornered off and there were 15 officials from various official departments going through my bag.
The smug look on the barista’s face as I was taken away for an hours questioning was priceless, almost as priceless as the cops face when he saw my passport and realised I was wearing exactly the same clothes as I am in my passport photo, despite that being 3 years old.
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Well it’s British now, but it was started by two Italian brothers initially as a wholesaler to Italian coffee bars and then branched out into its own outlets.
It did this for 25 years before being acquired by Whitbread and it’s Whitbread who you should be slamming – for turning an authentic business into a bland meaningless one, albeit a quite profitable one.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 6:23 amMr. Dodds is an marketing/business encyclopedia of sorts.
Comment by Miguel April 15, 2014 @ 6:26 amMr Campbell is a planner who thinks of Google as a personal financial resource rather than a information resource. Sometimes, he needs to be nudged towards the factual.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 6:31 amdoddsy would love to meet a bird thats as easily pleased as you.
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 6:47 amIf they sold coffee that tasted of beer, that would be much better.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:37 amWhitbread is a booze company isn’t it?
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:39 amI read this blog which is why I don’t trust anything on the internet. Including wikipedia.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:41 amjust because the founders have italian names doesnt mean they were fucking true blue italians. the company was founded in london for fucks sake. thats like campbell starting a haggis shop and claiming its authentic because his surname is fucking from the land of tight asses with fucking stupid accents. but the really important point is who the fuck gives a fucking fuck?
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 6:47 amLike a US company hiring a planner because he’s British and then finding out he’s from Nottingham.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:50 amThey were born in Parma!
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:10 amwhere ham comes from? why the fuck would i want coffee from a couple of ham salesmen.
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 7:11 amThat’s why they didn’t call it Parma coffee!
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:24 amOK, so it’s Whitbread’s fault … but the fact is they’re still about as italian as fish and chips these days, not helped by the stupid names they’re giving their coffee.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:01 amAren’t you half italian?
Comment by Miguel April 15, 2014 @ 6:25 amI’d keep quiet if I were you Rob, you’re the Costa Coffee of advertising.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:35 amoverpriced, bland and looks fucking terrible?
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 6:48 amGold.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 6:50 amAnd making exaggerated claims about size.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:11 amYour details have been taken by more police stations than passport control officers. What happened after you told them the abandoned bag was yours? Did you add to your arrest collection?
Comment by George April 15, 2014 @ 6:56 amIf my Mum reads this, you’ve just managed to make her think I am a member of the bloody Mafia. Thanks George, thanks a lot.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:03 amcampbells police record makes for bland and bad comedy reading. he has brought shame and embarrassment to international crime syndicates by undermining their reputation for being threatening and dangerous. hes the mr bean of fucking crime.
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 7:10 amAfter George’s attempt to ‘out me’, I’m grateful for you bringing it all back into embarrassing context.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:08 amonly you could be happy at being called a sad fuck.
Comment by andy@cynic April 15, 2014 @ 8:26 amIt doesn’t matter who started the company, they’re British now.
Comment by Pete April 15, 2014 @ 7:26 amBut I don’t know if your suggestion of a competitor acting on that information would be useful. Seattle doesn’t conjour up the romance of coffee culture either.
Comment by Pete April 15, 2014 @ 7:28 amAnd Skoda is German and Chrysler, Italian?
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:28 amIf you ask Jeep owners about the new design, they’d say yes.
Comment by Pete April 15, 2014 @ 7:30 amAnd not in a good way, despite Rob’s attempts to make them feel otherwise.
Comment by Pete April 15, 2014 @ 7:31 amThanks Pete. Unfortunately you’re right, there was a massive outcry from traditional Jeep owners about the new design and they did blame it fairly-and-squarely on the Italian ownership. But of course, after they saw our ad, they were completely convinced their fears were without substance. Oh yes. Most definitely. Ahem.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:10 amWhatever you think of their origins, at least their coffee tastes of coffee. Which is more than you can say of Starbucks, who are in the ‘warm, milky beverages’ business.
Comment by Ian Gee April 15, 2014 @ 7:37 amThat goes back to their origins – it was a reaction to the Starbucks of the day i.e. crap British coffee and it’s why the blandness of their marketing is missing a trick.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:40 amRobert. Why were your particulars taken down by two teenagers wearing Singaporean Police uniforms?
Comment by Lee Hill April 15, 2014 @ 7:41 amThat’s the sort of sordid stone that really should be left unturned.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 7:51 amVery true John.
Comment by Lee Hill April 15, 2014 @ 9:04 amWell, judging by the amount of comments, it seems coffee is a very touchy and personal subject. Especially for Mr Dodds who seems particularly vocal on the matter today.
John, you are in danger of risking your cred, my advice is turn on CSI Nottingham or something and let that distract you from the rubbish that is going on, on here … even though – to be fair – you are the person behind so much of it today. Boom Tish.
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:00 amI don’t even drink the stuff. My comments were all about faking authenticity and other nonsense.
Comment by John April 15, 2014 @ 5:43 pmThe confluence of advertising and personal notes is priceless.
Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld April 15, 2014 @ 1:37 pmThe best thing about Costa is that it’s not Starbucks.
Comment by northern April 15, 2014 @ 3:21 pmAnyway, none of them make decent tea so I don’t really care.
Although since I’ve started drinking the odd green tea I’m maybe losing my edge
Green Tea? What the …
That said, have you had a chai tea latte? I know it sounds an oxymoron, but it’s amazing. [You’ll hate it]
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 8:03 pmOf course I bloody haven’t. I know you’re trying to wind me up and I’m not having it.
Comment by northern April 15, 2014 @ 9:11 pmAs it happens, I DO have the odd chai, but certainly not latte.
I don’t even have coffee latte either.
So I shouldn’t tell you I bought a Nespresso machine last weekend?
Comment by Rob April 15, 2014 @ 10:12 pmYou only bought it because you have every other gadget under the sun. Or you are a sucker for George Cooney endorsed products.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 11:26 pmEndorsed? I mean products he’s sold his soul to advertise.
Comment by DH April 15, 2014 @ 11:26 pm