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Def Leppard.
What a band.
They play rock music.
They come from the North of England.
They have a one-armed drummer.
Seriously, what’s not to love.
And I love them.
I love them enough to have spent 24 hours sleeping rough just because there was a rumour they were going to make a ‘guest appearance’ at a charity concert and I wanted to be at the front of the stage so I could marvel at their rock noodling majesty.
Except the rumour was bollocks and I was subjected to ‘surprise perfotrmances’ by Heaven 17 and Five Star instead.
For people who don’t know who those 2 bands are, that is the equivalent of being told you are going to spend the night with one of Hollywood’s most famous, beautiful women only to find out they’re talking about Lassie the bloody dog.
But even though they unwittingly caused me to have the worst 3 hours of my life – eased by the fact I got off with Jenny Powell’s cousin [possibly histories worst ever kiss and tell] – I forgave them.
To be honest, I have forgiven them for a lot.
For taking 4 years to launch an album.
For playing with Taylor Swift [even if it was quite amusing]
For not recording with Mutt Lange any more.
But there’s one thing I can’t forgive them for and it’s this …
No, I don’t mean the Slang album – I quite like that – I mean the bit that says, ‘Available Everywhere Now’ only to say ‘Click Here For Retailers’.
I know it’s a pathetically small thing, but if something is available everywhere then you shouldn’t need to click for retailers because it should be at every retailer.
It’s this sort of stuff that does my head in.
Maybe it’s just a momentary lack of attention to detail.
Maybe it’s a tension between ego and honesty.
But regardless what it is, it’s sloppy and another reminder that for all the talk of ‘big ideas’, it’s often the little things that leave the most lasting, positive impression on your audience.
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my fucking head is going to explode. tone def leppard. black widow taylor swift and the fucking cousin of jenny fucking powell. then you throw in 5 star and heaven fucking 17 to finish me off because you know ill spend the night thinking why 80s bands has such shit names with numbers in them. this is too fucking much for anyone to fucking comprehend. youve broken me campbell. youve won. bastardo.
Comment by andy@cynic April 10, 2014 @ 6:32 amI’d give Taylor one. And it would be the best one of her life.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 10, 2014 @ 6:35 amfrom what ive heard, you mean the best one second of her life. only thing youve ever fucking done thats quick.
Comment by andy@cynic April 10, 2014 @ 6:39 amGold.
Comment by DH April 10, 2014 @ 6:41 amA result is a result.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 10, 2014 @ 6:50 amNail her Swift
Comment by northern April 10, 2014 @ 4:32 pmYes, you didn’t know that one did you. I’ve been saving it just for this moment … 26 years after the event, just so I could shock someone I didn’t know existed at the time.
#jobdone
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:33 amtwat.
Comment by andy@cynic April 10, 2014 @ 8:30 amTell me this woman’s cousin was 90 and adopted from the freak farm.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 10, 2014 @ 6:35 amSo you’re asking if he got off with one of your girlfriends before they were your girlfriend? Sloppy seconds.
Comment by DH April 10, 2014 @ 6:42 amSays the man who has a long term relationship with a packet of doritos.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 10, 2014 @ 6:49 amMy worst dorito is better than your best one night relationship.
Comment by DH April 10, 2014 @ 6:52 amThe race to the bottom.
Comment by Bazza April 10, 2014 @ 6:54 amDef leppard is the perfect band for deaf Rob. I’m waiting for the post declaring your love for 1D, it can only be a matter of time.
Comment by DH April 10, 2014 @ 6:40 amThe fact you use the 1D acronym means you should be more frightened about it than me.
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:37 amAll I can say is this weeks posts are nothing like last weeks posts.
Comment by George April 10, 2014 @ 6:48 amStrange given his espousal of consistent tone of voice.
Comment by John April 10, 2014 @ 6:56 amYou mean it’s better? Thanks.
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:41 amI have 2 questions.
1) did Ms Powell’s cousin look anything like Ms Powell?
2) how? (though I’d ask her “why?”)
Comment by Bazza April 10, 2014 @ 6:54 am3) Female cousin?
Comment by John April 10, 2014 @ 6:57 amHahahaha … bastard.
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:42 amWell, a young version of her. And I can only assume she was as bored as me and desperate to be shocked back into life. Or something.
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:45 amSo she was blind.
Comment by DH April 10, 2014 @ 8:01 amOnly you could somehow link Def Leppard to why brands need to pay attention to the details. That is more impressive than your kiss and tell with the cousin of someone I’ve never heard of. Well done Rob.
Comment by Pete April 10, 2014 @ 7:05 amI was listening to their song ‘Women’ when I read your post. I love them too.
Comment by febijefwhispers April 10, 2014 @ 7:14 amLet’s hope it doesn’t go straight to ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ after that then …
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:43 amWait, you’d swap a night with Lassie for a night with a beautiful Hollywood star? Don’t knock Lassie, at least she has a brain 😉
Comment by duchessdulciloquy April 10, 2014 @ 7:42 amI wouldn’t stand a chance with a Hollywood beauty if she had a brain. But thanks duchessdulicloquy.
Comment by Rob April 10, 2014 @ 7:42 amIt’s a paradox anyway, so we don’t have to fret 🙂
Comment by duchessdulciloquy April 10, 2014 @ 7:46 amOh I like this. Pour Some Sugar On Me was the soundtrack to the best summer of my teens (training camp in Chicago)
Comment by northern April 10, 2014 @ 5:18 pmAnd Jenny Powell, ah Jenny Powell, you can even forgive her for doing Wheel of Fortune.
However, I’m not going to take any grief for people taking claims about past female encounters out of context and calling me Northern Groper.
Not now we have the Robsputin
More like the Robotussin
Comment by John April 10, 2014 @ 6:31 pmRobapist.
Comment by Billy Whizz April 10, 2014 @ 9:47 pmThe Italian Stallion
Comment by northern April 10, 2014 @ 5:20 pmOn the subject of shagging people close to celebs my mate slept with tinky winky’s girlfriend
Comment by Northern April 11, 2014 @ 12:43 amWas she the yellow one?
Comment by John April 11, 2014 @ 5:12 amThat was la la
Comment by Northern April 11, 2014 @ 5:46 amIt’s been a long time since this blog went surreal. Thank you strange gentlemen.
Comment by Pete April 11, 2014 @ 5:47 am