The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

While visiting a public toilet recently [for natural reasons, not George Michael reasons] I saw your ‘advertisement’ for bathroom media.

I hope you won’t take offense, but I would like to point out a slight flaw with your communication, though I hasten to add, it is a slight flaw that many in the advertising industry continue to make, so I hope you will take my comment in the manner it is meant.

You see while I did indeed see your piece of communication – and even smiled because of it – the fact remains seeing something doesn’t mean you want to explore that relationship any further.

Especially while holding your penis and urinating.

Unless you’re a pervert.

The fact is, I look at red-headed children and there’s no way in hell I’d want one of those.

Maybe you need to re-think how you articulate your benefit, though to be honest, you might be better off asking yourself who you are trying to impress with your ‘ad’, because I’m guessing the amount of people who visit your facilities and are also in a position to actually buy some of your media is kind of small.

Which again highlights the point that awareness means nothing if you’re not speaking to the right audience.

Kindest regards,

And just for the record, I did not find it by putting the words ‘Grandma sex’ or ‘Kim Kardashian’ into YouTube … I was just randomly clicking on videos on YouTube and somehow stumbled upon this bit of gold.

I don’t know why I’m justifying myself to you – because apart from the fact you won’t believe me, the end result makes it all worthwhile.

No, honestly I’m not … this is the future me writing this post.

In fact, to be totally precise, this is me from 2057 where I am a sprightly 87 years old.

I could tell you everything that happens between 2013 and today, but as I don’t know how long I’ve got left to live, I will just give you a topline on all the issues you really care about.

You know all those dreams you had that you’d strike it rich or that adland would change and be the ignition for the greatest cultural change ever seen or that I’d start writing shorter posts and hating Queen and Birkenstocks?

One word: Nope.

Sorry.

In fact the only good news I have for you is that I don’t write any more blog posts from today till next Monday.

OK, so that might not please you as much as learning you’re going to be a trillionaire or that you’re going to marry some supermodel [which you’re not], but it’s better than nothing isn’t it?

No?

Well screw you, you bunch of little princes and princesses.

Anyway, because I’m writing this post from the future, I thought I’d give you the chance to experience what I’m experiencing, so given I am currently in Detroit – the “Motor City” [or I was when I wrote this post – which doesn’t make sense, given I said I was writing this from the future … which means the whole premise of this post is fucked], I will give you the chance to see what British folks thought of their cars back in the 1990’s.

Yes, the 1990’s … when most of you sods were probably in kindergarten.

Bastards.

Now even though I know most of you will have already watched it because the very lovely Russell wrote about it ages ago, it’s still worth a look … though I have to say I’d be interested to see what the response would be like if it was filmed today given the once elite car brands – like BMW – now outnumber the classic rep vehicles – like the Ford Mondeo – on British roads these days.

Anyway, enough of all that, just enjoy watching the tragedy that was the British car driver back in the early 90’s and – because I am in the future so know this stuff – I will definitely see you on Monday.

I love new adventures but I’m hugely sentimental.

I look for ways to keep edging myself forward – at least emotionally – but fight like a bastard to maintain the things of my past that mean so much to me

It’s a constant challenge because things are in a state of constant change.

Sure, I can control – or at least delude myself I can control – what I have in my life, however the fact is I have no power whatsoever over the situations, opportunities and choices that the people I care about get exposed to … which means I have no control – just hope – for what my life will be in the next 24 hours.

And that’s when you learn life is based on one key question: What are you willing to commit to and what are you not.

So many of us walk around thinking the World revolves around us … that nothing will change unless we choose for it too … and all we are doing is setting ourselves up for disappointment.

More confronting is that even when you do fight for stability, it can only happen if the situation you’re hoping to maintain wants it to.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a person, a job, a band or an exhibition … the things we hold dear are always at the point of fracture, which is why making a commitment to the relationship, whatever that might be and whatever that might take, is everything.

Now you might question this.

You might say, “But Rob, don’t you know absence makes the heart grow fonder?”

And to you, I’d say it must be bloody wonderful to live on your planet because the truth is, without actively nurturing, absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes the absence much easier.

To rub salt in the wounds, you only find this out when it’s too late.

When what was so important has gone.

And you might think you can get over it, but you can’t … you just get better with coping with the loss.

But you still feel it.

You still feel the sharp pain every time you remember … and it stings more, because you know you brought this on yourself the moment you thought nothing would change unless you wanted it too.

What am I going on about?

I suppose it’s simply to say that while it’s exciting to explore and experience the fresh, new, interesting and unique … we should never take the important things for granted – the things that lift your spirits and stir your soul – because life is always in beta and to move truly ahead, the key is to commit to your present and don’t turn your back on your past.