The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Never Let A Drunk Design A Lift …
July 29, 2013, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So a few weeks ago, when I was in Australia, I stayed at the Hilton Hotel.

Apart from the fact they like “borrowing” money from guests credit cards without asking [though they pay it back in the end] they also fuck with their customers minds in other ways … like creating the most screwed up lift button format in history.

Seriously, what the hell were they thinking????

I don’t drink and I took about an hour to find the button to my floor … so god knows how Aussie pissheads managed when they rolled in after 300 pints of VB.

If ever there was an ad for the value of quality industrial design, this was it.

19 Comments

19 Comments


quoting some other fuckers adventure doesnt make you fucking worldly doddsy.

Comment by andy@cynic July 29, 2013 @ 6:26 am

In various Asian cultures, there are floor numbers that are skipped over because the word sounds similar to terms like death or misfortune. Maybe that is the same in North Korea as well.

Comment by Pete July 29, 2013 @ 6:40 am

it must be so fucking hard knowing what lift button to press in a 5 star fucking hotel in sydney thats being paid for by someone else who just wants you to spout the same bollocks youve been peddling for fucking 15 years.

just like changing the members of status quo does fuck all to change their special blend of monotonous shit, changing the font and updating some of your pictures doesnt make you say anything fucking new.

more importantly, any news on fridays vengeance?

Comment by andy@cynic July 29, 2013 @ 6:24 am

Surely the fact it is a 5 star hotel [at least in theory, I’d question that in practice] means the buttons should be perfect. Hell, shouldn’t there be someone there to either press the button for me or to wipe my fingers afterwards?

As for Friday, not sure. Will chase up. Hope revenge was sweeter than a Victoria Sponge cake.

Comment by Rob July 29, 2013 @ 8:12 am

So, imperfect buttons would be ok in a 3 star hotel?

Comment by John July 29, 2013 @ 8:23 am

Probably. Just because I’m in an utterly shit mood. And it’s only Monday. God forbid.

Comment by Rob July 29, 2013 @ 10:02 am

At first, I thought criticising a lift button layout was extreme even for you, but in closer inspection, it really has been done very badly.

Comment by Pete July 29, 2013 @ 6:42 am

See … I’m not a mental. Spoilt, maybe. But not a mental.

Comment by Rob July 29, 2013 @ 8:13 am

Those lift buttons represent my life. Fucked up.

Comment by Billy Whizz July 29, 2013 @ 7:04 am

dr fucking phil speaks,

Comment by andy@cynic July 29, 2013 @ 7:36 am

I probably would have just taken the stairs if I wasn’t too high up

Comment by Doug Wack July 29, 2013 @ 10:45 am

Is this blog going to change it’s name to Musings of an opinionated Hotel dweller. Toilets, lifts…what next? Cocktail sausages?

Comment by Charles Edward Frith (@charlesfrith) July 29, 2013 @ 11:45 am

“300 pints of VB.”

Really, Rob, I’m surprised at you, totally ignoring the rich cultural heritage and geographic diversity of Australian beer drinking and the unique language it has created.

‘Glasses’, ‘pots’ and ‘middies’, the ambiguous ‘schooner’ (which is either 10, 12 or 15 fluid ounces depending on where you’re drinking).

Not to mention the slow demise of the very smallest glasses, the ‘pony’, ‘bobby’ or ‘six’, and that most endangered of all the species, the ‘shetland’, a 4 ounce glass once served in Perth (I love the folk poetry in that one).

Alas, air conditioning in pubs has mostly killed these smaller sizes off – beer served in larger glasses no longer gets too warm to drink before it’s finished.

That’s just for beer on tap, don’t even start me on the names for bottles and cans … but I do treasure ‘The Darwin Stubby’, a modest two litre bottle. Maybe a couple of those are behind the design of the lift buttons.

(Idle again, as you can probably guess).

Comment by Ian Gee July 29, 2013 @ 12:02 pm

We need to get you out more.

Comment by Rob July 29, 2013 @ 2:13 pm

File that under ‘sad but true’.

Comment by Ian Gee July 29, 2013 @ 3:48 pm

Oh my lord head hurts.
Epic hangover for a day in London with investment journalists. This is the precise opposite of good.
No need to comment on the hotel stuff what little could have been said has been except on the point of industrial design some idiot put a pattern in the roof of leeds international pool so backstrokers used to swim in circles
Or maybe they were a genius since locals who were used to it tended to win by virtue of swimming straight

Comment by Northern July 29, 2013 @ 2:50 pm

what the fuck were you doing with investment journalists in london town? have you sold out afuckingain? and for a few bottle of watery piss. cheap date fucker.

Comment by andy@cynic July 30, 2013 @ 2:44 am

Just sorting out my portflio.
No, actually, I was managing a shoot. Yes, really, I can’t quite believe it either.
On of the journos interviews Sir Sorrell frequently and reckons he’s an okay bloke, which tell you all you need to know about financial journos, especially those who write for the Telegraph

Comment by northern July 30, 2013 @ 4:58 pm


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