The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Just What Southerners Don’t Want, Another Northerner …
October 12, 2011, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Sometime today, GMT time, that horribly clever bloke – Northern [or Northern Planner/Groper to his friends/enemies] – will be a Dad again for the second time.

I’ve never met him [Northerner, not his new son/daughter, though I’ve never met them either] but having followed his musings and rants for a number of years, I know that apart from the fact he genuinely thinks he was once Northern England’s version of Casanova … he is a wonderful, kind, caring and generous man and the joy he gets from being a good Dad and husband can only be matched by the happiness his kids and wife get from him being their good Dad and husband.

So even though I am jumping the gun a little, please leave a little message of congratulations to him and more importantly, his wife – who, let’s face it, did all the hard work [including sleeping with Mr Slaphead] so that if his kids come across this blog one day in the future, they will not only know their old man was quite popular with people he’s never met who live in China … but he also had his faults, of which commenting on this blog was possibly one of his worst crimes.

Best wishes to all the Hovells family today.

[PS: The header for this post was just for you Northern!]

28 Comments so far
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the only ungay thing about this sycofuckingphantic post is you use the groper photo where hes the freddie / her majesty hybrid and we all know how much he fucking hates that.

Comment by andy@cynic

what the fuck am i talking about, that makes this the gayest post since your love letter to your best friends cock.

(sorry unborn groped child, but a fact is a fucking fact)

Comment by andy@cynic

I consider my discovery of Northern Planner as one of the most fortuitous happenings in finding really worthwhile blogs. I was
there for his first child and am happy to be around for his second. Without ever having met him I can tell he is a pretty special husband, Dad and person. Always felt what he said he meant, it was real. Have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

if you can fake you care youre half way fucking there.

guessing you dont feel as fortuifuckingtous about finding campbells blog. who the fuck does.

Comment by andy@cynic

so heres my official congratufuckinglations to groper and the rest of his northern monkey clan.

dear unborn kid. you might be born to a northerner which means no electricity and your version of an iphone 4s will be a pigeon, but youre coming in to a half fucking decent family and given your old, bald man is a planner, that is pretty fucking amazing because planners are fucking pains in the arse. thank fuck for your mum. apart from her taste in men shes alright and will keep you on the straight and narrow.

the end.

who do i send the invoice to?

Comment by andy@cynic

Who is this? What have you done with the real Andy?

Comment by Billy Whizz

fuck you billy, a kid is being born today. let him or her think life wasnt a total pile of shit on the day they came out to fuck up northerns life.

Comment by andy@cynic

Rob’s doing his Oprah impression again. Can someone call the men in the white coats.

Enjoy today northern, if that’s what I’m supposed to say when another financial parasite is about to enter your world.

Comment by Billy Whizz

All the best with today Andrew and congratulations.

Comment by George

his name is groper, not fucking andrew. stop being a bonding dad for fucks sake.

Comment by andy@cynic

Congratulations to all.

Comment by Pete

Congrats northern. I hope your new born child never discovers the post that preceded this one.

Comment by DH

i agree dave. no one wants to next to a post about ass violation with a condom of frozen shit. its not natural.

Comment by andy@cynic

Some positive news. Congratulations to you and your family Northern.

Comment by Lee Hill

I should have known that the comments would drag this post down. Sorry NP, I did do this with genuine good intentions … I just stupidly forgot the sorts of people who frequent this place.

Comment by Rob

fuck you campbell. however low we are were not a fucking patch on the depths that you crawl around at.

to the future groper son or daughter. this is what i meant when i said planners are all fucking arseholes. because your old man is a planner, her is one too. hes just less of an arsehole than all the other fuckers.

Comment by andy@cynic

Would you believe I’m sat on the ward while my wife gets shaved. I don’t know what’s worse the fact I told you this or Angus relapse into niceness. Thanks for your (mostly) nice comments.
As for that picture…

Comment by Northern

Maybe we should have got your wife to be a judge for the King Of Shaves planning assignment?

I’m sure she’ll be over the moon you’ve told us this intimate info about her. Maybe I was too night about you in my post. But congrats anyway.

Comment by Rob

fuck me northern, i got financially raped by ex #1 and #2 for telling people a few fucking private things about them and neither involved the thatching habits of their nether fucking regions. then that unfunny yank bastard tim allen did say when the wifes delivering its your one chance to reveal some home fucking truths and get away with it because their mind is on other fucking things so well fucking done for seeing the opportunity and taking it.

so is “it” born yet or does it want to stay inside. with the state of england, i wouldnt blame the unbastard bastard.

Comment by andy@cynic

a girl called Evie. 7pounds 2. She’s beautiful. That is all

Comment by northern

confuckingratulations baldie and welcome evie.

Comment by andy@cynic

Congratulations Andrew. Evie sounds beautiful.

Comment by George

That should have read Andy’s relapse fucking predictive text

Comment by Northern

Could you all stop swearing just for once ?

Northern, congratulations. You are a real man.

Comment by TOTOinTrouble

Well done Mr & Mrs Northern Planner. Much love from Munich. Marcus.

To everyone else. Good morning.

Comment by Marcus

I think we all hope the new arrival never sees this blog…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Auguri NP and best wishes to the family.

Comment by Age

I’m gutted that we had one of those plannery meetings in the north, Northern’s last one before baby & other big life events, and I couldn’t make it because I felt ill. Last chance to see him for some time I think…previous one must’ve been 2008 or 2009. Crikey.

But what lovely news. And well done to the Mr. & Mrs. for making it through the whole thing.

Comment by Andrea

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