The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Hell, being my parent must of felt like a thankless task.

Apart from just taking care of the little buggers, you have to teach, nurture and develop them as well … so it’s little surprise that so many parents view it as both their most difficult challenge as well as their most rewarding.

The thing is, with all the pressure and time constraints they’re under, they’re bound to make the odd mistake – and that’s the bitch of it, because that one little slip up can be the thing that kids remember forever.

Case in point.

I had an idyllic childhood.

I was raised in a loving, supportive and caring household – where literally all my memories are good ones.

Except one.

I remember it as if it was yesterday and so does my Mum … because anytime I bring it up, she immediately feels terrible and guilty, even though she shouldn’t.

So what is it you cry?

Well that’s the thing, it’s nothing major – it revolves around my mum trying to teach me how to tie my shoelaces.

I can’t exactly remember when it happened – I am hoping it was when I was about 3 or 4 rather than 13 or 14 – but I do remember it happened at the foot of my stairs at our home in Nottingham.

I was listening and watching intently as my Mum showed me how to tie my laces into a knot and then when she told me to have a go, it never worked.

I tried and I tried, but those damn pieces of string conspired to put me in a muddle. Like fractions would a few years into the future.

My Mum is a very patient and kind woman, but after my umpteenth failure, she lost her temper.

She might have even smacked the back of my legs … the only time I ever was hit.

That explains why she feels guilty and sort-of explains why I remember it … but given the whole thing lasted a few minutes and I’ve got into much more trouble with my parents since then, it is kinda weird how that incident is burnt into my mind with far more clarity than many of the other situations I put them through.

It might also explain why I have chosen to wear shoes without laces [bar 2 days last year] for the last 15 years.

And no, I’m not joking.

OK, so it’s not going to be the main reason – but given my belief in ‘frames of reference’ – I would say it certainly had an influence.

As much as it would be easy to think this sort of situation is more prevalent with parents and their young kids – I have a feeling it can affect people much older as well.

Life is so busy for so many of us that we often have to run just to stand still and what this means is that when we have to interact with others, we don’t take the time to make sure they have understood, we just rattle off what has to be said so we can mentally tick off another thing on our daily ‘to do’ list.

Apart from the fact this often results in everything taking longer because the poor sod hasn’t quite grasped what you wanted them to do, it also opens the door to the potential of negative frames of reference – either because of how you treated them up front, or how you react when you see what has been done.