The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

How Come The Women I Know, Aren’t Like The Women So Many Marketers Seem To Know?
June 13, 2011, 6:00 am
Filed under: Comment

Yes I had a lovely birthday thank you very much.

Didn’t get any cards or presents from you, but I’m assuming they’re in the post.

Anyway, there is literally no benefit to being 41 so let’s move on and pretend it hasn’t happened.



So in the interests of this post, I want you to imagine we have opened the door of major electrical manufacturers marketing department – let’s say Deepoo.


OK, so I shall begin …

Marketing Director: “People, we have something very exciting to announce today, we have perfected our robot vacuum cleaner”.


Marketing Director: “No longer will people have to suffer the annoyance and pain of cleaning their house, robovac will do it for them. But we have a problem, who should we target with it? Ideas.”

Marketing Lacky #1: “What about students, they’re lazy fucks and this way they can look clean without the effort?”

Marketing Director: “You fucking idiot, don’t you realise students have no fucking cash and what they do have, they blow on piss, drugs and kebabs.”

Marketing Lacky #2: “But what about after them, when they have a job, won’t they have loads of money for us to rip out of their grubby little hands then?”

Marketing Director: “What the hell is wrong with you people? It costs so much to be a student these days that the fuckers will be working till they retire just to pay off their debt. Hasn’t anyone got any good ideas?”

Marketing Lacky #3: “What about men?”

Marketing Director: “Go on …”

Marketing Lacky #3: “Well they love technology and this is the sort of shit they’d buy. I know at least one person in China who is a dead cert to cough up the cash.”

Marketing Director: “But men hate vacuuming. It’s women’s work. We’ve spent 50 years flogging that myth, why the hell would men start to buy them just because they can be called a ‘robot’?”

Marketing Lacky #3: “Here’s the clever thing, they could buy it and give it their wife and say it’s a present … something to stop them wasting so much time keeping the house spick and span. Something that goes from practical to romantic.”

Marketing Lacky #1: “But robots can’t move furniture like a woman can so the house will never be as clean sir.”

Marketing Director: “SHUTTHEFUCKUP, no one cleans that well anyway unless their mother in law is coming. Carry on Lacky #1”

Marketing Lacky #1: “So as I was saying, we could target men to buy it for their wives. The men get a cool gadget they can tell their mates about, the women get a machine that removes a job removed from their list of chores plus they can tell their friends their husband is both romantic and not stuck in the 1950’s – like their husbands – and we can sell a bundle of the bastards.”

Marketing Director: “Good … good … but don’t women love looking after the house and their family – all our pre-determined research findings says they do.”

Marketing Lacky #3: “Yes, they love it, but they like romance even more.”

Marketing Director: “So how do we make sure they don’t slip into one of their ‘moods’ and see this generous and heart-felt present from their husband as something beautiful, not something they can bitch their man out about?”

Marketing Lacky #3: “Easy sir, make sure it comes in pink, that’s how gullible they are.”

Marketing Director: “You are promoted to head of insight.”


At a time where brands are so politically correct it hurts, it never fails to surprise me how many subconsciously – or maybe consciously – promote old fashioned/sexist gender roles or believe the public are so easily pleased/fooled … however on the bright side, I now know what I can buy for Jill’s birthday on Wednesday.

58 Comments so far
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is this a real fucking transcript? sounds like it.

Comment by andy@cynic

just asked the missus if she thinks the worlds full of bastards pushing gender fucking stereotypes but shes too busy cleaning the fucking bathroom and washing my clothes to give me a fucking answer.

Comment by andy@cynic

You are the living embodiment of Andy Capp aren’t you.

Comment by Rob

steve mcshit.

your fucked up team has appointed steve mcshit. proof there is no such fucking thing as reaching the lowest of the fucking low.

that might not be the birthday present you wanted but let me tell you its exactly the fucking one you deserved.

Comment by andy@cynic

Tell me about it. Can’t believe it. We got rid of the best manager we’ve had in years and replaced him with a failure who occasionally talks in a dutch accent. Disaster. And it was on my birthday as well.


Comment by Rob

if you buy that for jills birthday i will award you with the highest bastard accolade i can give.

how much is 2999 in real fucking money anyway? seems quite a fucking lot when you add in the cost of the divorce attorney wholl be knocking on your fucking door within 3 minutes of jill opening her present.

Comment by andy@cynic

Speaking from experience?

Comment by Rob

Is it fucked up I agree with the thinking?

Comment by Billy Whizz

not at fucking all billy boy, but it does explain why the last fucking date you had was at the clap clinic.

Comment by andy@cynic

And its cheaper than a diamond ring and more practical. Diamond rings dont stop you from bending down, yanking something long in your hands and sucking hard. Do you see what I did there?

Comment by Billy Whizz

yes I fucking did, benny fucking hill circa 1982.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m wrong. Apparently diamond rings do exactly that.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Billy’s gone from agreeing to undermining his own argument in 3 comments. That’s impressive even for him.

This post made me laugh. I must be tired. Still, consider it my belayed birthday gift to you Rob.

Comment by DH

Belayed? You’re typing like Northern Planner …

But thank you.

Comment by Rob

you know belayed, rob. it’s the transcribed version of a cockney accent – bela’ed

Comment by lauren

Get bent

Comment by northern

Hope you had a good day yesterday Rob.

Love the post, laugh out loud quality, but I think the internal planning meeting that you mock may be closer to reality than you think.

Interesting point about political correctness versus promoting gender stereotypes especially as there appears to be a lot of companies whose female product policy seems to be “cover it in pink and ship it out.”

Comment by Pete

Top one thanks matey …

Sadly you might be right, I remember being in a SONY meeting where they openly said they were going to target females with a pink laptop. When I asked were there any features in the laptop that demonstrated an understanding of how women use computers versus men, they literally looked at me and said, “Didn’t you hear Robert, we’re making it pink.”

Comment by Rob

I know I shouldn’t… but I just gotta fucking ask.. did it sell better, the pink laptop, with women compared to others?

Comment by niko

That’s the thing, they only did the pink thing and because it did as they hoped, they disregarded the possibility there might be a better way to communicate to females.

Comment by Rob

much to fucking generous if you ask me dave. he wont even see it for the fucking gift it is because hed only react if it needed batteries or was called a fucking icompliment.

Comment by andy@cynic

I wish I didn’t laugh at that.

Comment by Rob

you cant fight my genius.

Comment by andy@cynic

bet if this was the ivac from lord fucking jobs itd sell without any household fucking arguments. then the price would be 10 times more.

thieving fucks.

Comment by andy@cynic

Great idea. With a built in iPod charger and speaker.

Hope you had a good day yesterday Rob and were showered with massive amounts of ridiculous technology.

Comment by Bazza

i want paying for that fucking idea.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’ve finished the nutella and suddenly after read your post I want to vomit it. However, I can’t wait to have such lovely meetings and hear this kind of things.


Comment by jimenag12

its time to stop the fucking meths jimenag12.

Comment by andy@cynic

oh how i much i wanted to laugh at that transcript. i wanted to be laughing so hard my tea would come out my nose. oh for a good guffaw at the ridiculousness of continuing to use the same old and tired gender stereotypes. as if you’d think that anymore. ha! remember when we used to do that? bahahah remember when we used to assume that women were just the same old one-dimensional property there to service the world? mad lulz


now i’m just depressed.

Comment by lauren

You do realise I’m agreeing with you don’t you.

Comment by Rob

yes. you do realise that i’m agreeing with you don’t you. it just hurts a bit more from this side of the gender divide 🙂

Comment by lauren

ps. i don’t own a vacuum cleaner and haven’t, since the über-vintage-one-i-bought-for-aesthetics shat itself. and if apple released one with an 8-hour battery and inbuilt ipod and headphone jack, i’d fucking buy one. (not that i have a home to vacuum, mind).

Comment by lauren

If brands perpetuate stereotypes in their marketing, it will affect them negatively. If they respect their customers and empathize with them, that could lead to new insights.

Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld

Don’t know if respect for customers is needed to get new insights. that to me has become such a echo chamber thing to say…

Suspending your own ego long enough to see and listen to what people would be willing to pay for based on certain behaviour is often enough. might that lead to some better comms or utility? Sure..

but better comms or utility does not always mean you respect customers or love them or any of that shit. sometimes it does, as a byproduct.

Comment by niko

It’s nice having you back Niko!

Comment by Rob

if customers felt respected, they may have just enough self-respect to realise that they don’t need half the shit they’re being sold. you don’t wanna go there and still keep your jobs.

Comment by lauren

for what its worth, i agree with you carol. and agree with the ego point niko made. which is what you meant i guess. respect towards your customers means better comms.

Comment by peggy

I’m still thinking about the kebab. We need more kebab posts on this blog. Just sayin’…

Comment by Age

Because you’re pasty white and not pink?
Because women are too smart to associate with most marketers?
Because the women you know are remarkable?

Comment by john

how about this gender specific targeting bollocks for unisex products would stop? i, for one, find it ridiculous.

btw, for all the societal benefit stuff (or disadvantages for women), id rather be a man.

Comment by peggy


Comment by lauren

You’re opening a lovely can of worms there ladies …

Good work.

Comment by Rob

All targetting that focuses on the user rather than the usage seems lazy to me.

Comment by john

doesnt look like anyone other than us is up for fishing. maybe john though! yeah, john!

hands up who wants to be put in a tiny little box. its safe and warm there.

im claustrophobic.

Comment by peggy

say that to men who are trying to get custordy of their fucking kids.

Comment by andy@cynic

brands dont give a fuck about gender equality they go where the fucking money is and where they think it is. might not be right but its where those fucking shareholders want them to be.

the end.

Comment by andy@cynic

are you talking to me andy? that custody argument doesnt work in many countries. because there, women have no right to their kid. and why should one parent alone have the rights anyway.

im sure i can find another example why men are disadvantaged. let me think about it… be right back with an answer.

Comment by peggy

the end yeah. the money might be somewhere else. thats the whole utterly stupid point about it.

Comment by peggy

theres a counter argument to everyfuckingthing peggy. doesnt mean its right but doesnt mean its wrong either.

Comment by andy@cynic

in the next comment youll say it is all relative, oh wise one?

Comment by peggy

no i wont peggy, men get a fuckload of unfair fucking advantages in this world but theres a fuckload of decent, lawabiding blokes who get shafted by gender inequality rules and regulations as well. its not a competition so your comment about men in some countries having an advantage over their wives over rights to their kids might be fucking right but is as dismissive to men who arent in that position as a fucking vacuum cleaning company who says all household chores are done by women.

Comment by andy@cynic

agree on the bullshit that is one parent rights. pity a fuckload of scumfucking divorce lawyers dont.

Comment by andy@cynic

look andy, i wasnt the one who came up with that custody argument. because as you said, there is always a counterargument to everything. which is leading nowhere, except further down the rabbit hole. anyway, women are disadvantaged all over the fucking world. and i feel sorry for a child which is not allowed to see their father. but it does in no way outweigh what women have to endure.
and i personally do not care if a household company tells everyone that all household rubbish is to be done by women. i just think its laughable.

Comment by peggy

i almost dived right into that fabulous can of worms and ranted again all over your blog.

i decided not to do that, but i posted it over on my own blog instead. because it needs to be said.

Comment by lauren

andy, since fucking when were you the ‘we just do what our clients want because they pay the bills’ kind of guy? puhlease.

Comment by lauren

where the fuck did i say that? i said clients want that, my job (before campbell fucked my gravy train) was to make the bastards see what they could do and still make moolah.

and peggy youre right, you didnt, you just discounted it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I just want to know how hard Jill hits him when she receives it. Taking bets. 8/1 broken jaw. 4/1 black eye. 2/1 tooth knocked out.

Comment by Billy Whizz

what odds do i get on all 3 because ill be holding him while she hits him.

Comment by andy@cynic

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