The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Even More Ways To Tell Whether Your Planner Is A Potential Danger To Your Business.
May 10, 2011, 6:00 am
Filed under: Comment

So this morning I woke up to find that our dear Andy had continued my series of ‘Signs Your Planner Could Be A Danger To Your Business Health’ by contributing a list of 30 [THIRTY!] signs you might be dealing with errrrm, me.

In the interests of fairness, I think it only right I publish this in its entirety, with no adjustments other than the inclusion of the odd capital letter …

So ladies and gentlemen of the World, here are 30 signs of another dangerous variety of planner, the Robert Campbell.

#1 His name will be Robert Campbell.

#2 He’ll wear a fucking queen tshirt.

#3 And stupid fucking birkenstocks.

#4 He’ll be bald, have a beard and look very much like a tramp off the street.

#5 Any presentation he makes will look uncannily like the one you saw him do 6 fucking years ago.

#6 The uncouth fucker will swear a lot.

#7 He will pick fights with the audience, the sponsors and the industry.

#8 He’ll talk about gadgets no fucker cares about.

#9 And his wife, cat, Mum, Dad, Queen and Nottingham fucking Forest.

#10 He’ll talk about ideas before ads.

#11 He’ll show a photo of himself when he had hair and was on the cusp of rock stardom.

#12 Before he fucked it up.

#13 He’ll have more fucking opinions than a Murdoch news editor.

#14 He’ll spend vast amounts of cash taking weird fuckers to dinner. Especially prostitutes and criminal fucking profilers.

#15 He’ll be flying on Virgin Atlantic.

#16 In Upper Class.

#17 For fucking free.

#18 With a fucking new iPad 27.

#19 Also for fucking free.

#20 He won’t credit me [Andy] with anything even though the fucker owes me everyfuckingthing.

#21 He’ll be more interesting, make more fucking sense and have better bastard ideas than most of the other fuckers in the industry.

#22 He’ll write a blog that is 97% shit. 3% inspiration.

#23 I [Andy] will be the 3 fucking percent.

#24 He’ll most likely write about how he is in love with his best mates massive cock.

#25 But he’ll be married to someone out of his league in beauty and talent.

#26 He’s fucking friends with blokes with fucked up monikers like Northern fucking Groper, Famous Rob and Stick It Up My Ass And Make Me Scream.

#27 He’ll make out hes a nice guy but really hes a vicious little fuck.

#28 He will give a taste of some of the shit hes done in his life but fall short of coming out with it because his Mum reads this bollocks.

#29 That’s where I come in.

#30 I am a fucking saint.

If you see him, stay the fuck away, he’ll destroy your life.


Now that’s a reference if I ever read one. Ahem.

Thanks Andy. I think.

10 Comments so far
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That is brilliant. The use of capital letters really takes this post to new heights.

Comment by DH

breach of copyright. where the fuck is my royalty payment?

this is the best fucking post thats ever appeared on this shithole. look and learn campbell, even if youre not capable of writing something so insightful and enjoyable in a thousand fucking lifetimes.

Comment by andy@cynic


The post, not Rob.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I’d still rather be a planner with these traits than the ones Rob wrote about previously. Though I’d pass on points #2, 3, 4, 22 and 24.

Comment by Pete

Pass on points 2, 3, 4, 22 and 24?

Sure you would Pete … sure you would …

Comment by Rob

Queen = Freddie or Mother?

Comment by Aditya

I strangely missed Andy’s comments while reading your blogposts. They work together. Like yin and yang. Or something.

Comment by Aditya

Sadist. And evil sod. Ha.

Comment by Rob

#31 He’ll have memorized all of the Scorpions’ songs.

Comment by Carol L. Weinfeld

I like number #26.

Andy – Aren’t you guilty of at least a few of those. Possibly enough to make you Campbell-lite

Comment by Rob Mortimer

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