The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

When The Cat’s Away, The Mice Will Play. But Not For Long …
March 14, 2011, 6:11 am
Filed under: Comment

So my wife is away.

She’s in Australia working with the Queen of ‘cake majesty creation’ to hone her skills before she open’s Shanghai’s first cake art gallery.

To be honest, given she is already hand making and baking stuff like this …

… I don’t know what else her mentor can teach her but then all I do is eat the stuff so what do I know.

Anyway here’s the thing …

While I knew I’d miss her when she went, I have to be honest and say the first couple of days were quite nice.

Got up late.

Watched docos on subjects she hates.

Played Xbox and ate pizza. In my pants.

Ruled the bed.

Even the cat actually paid me some attention for once.

Bloody brilliant.

And then it happened.

Within a few days, I realised how much I missed giving her a hug before I got up … discussing who would get the cat shit … talking gibberish [remember what’s she’s like when she’s either falling asleep, or just waking up] … watching her eat toast and drop crumbs everywhere … not finding thousands of glasses and mugs all over the place because she has this problem about using the same thing twice …

The place felt different, not just emptier or quieter … but like it wasn’t “home”.

It’s so easy to hanker for the ‘good ol’ days’, but when you get a littler reminder of how it once was, it’s funny how quickly you realise that while it was good then, it not for you now – at least for the long-term – so while I’m very happy she’s doing something that makes her excited and fulfilled … I hope she comes home soon because it’s just not right without her.

34 Comments so far
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you fucking wet.

i dont fucking doubt you miss her but you forgot to mention part of it is because you hate having to get up and get your own diet cokes from the fucking fridge.

anyway i bet shes coping just fine not seeing you, especially with the fucking beautiful image of you playing xbox and eating pizza while sat in your skidmarked grundies. there should be a fucking law against putting that picture in peoples heads.

those cakes look fucking great, auntie george shouldve gone to her to make my infamous birthday cake rather than mr prude fucking baker.

Comment by andy@cynic

Can we never bring that cake up in conversation for as long as I live. Or better still, for as long as my wife lives.

Comment by George

just to make sure so you dont get bollocked again for violating your beautiful childrens minds again, do you mean this fucking piece of baking delight?

Comment by andy@cynic

Remembering how Andy ate that cake is almost as bad as Rob in his pizza pants.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Andy is right, isn’t he. Your wife, other than one small (OK big) mistake had it all figured out: I’ll start cooking this stuff, feed his face, invent a mentor in Australia and the escape there for a tutorial.
God, what a brilliant woman, but why …

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

brilliant in every way except her choice of husband but were still betting shes a cia agent using campbell as a science experiment to develop a new weapon of mass destruction called planner bollocks and the marriage is just her deep cover.

the sacrifices these people do for their fucking country.

Comment by andy@cynic

On the plus side, I’ve seen how quick Rob chows down on pizza and how quick he loses at games so the image should only be there for about 13 seconds.

Way to go Jill finding a “mentor” in a completely different country.

Comment by Billy Whizz

except the fucker tends to do it all again within 5 fucking minutes.

Comment by andy@cynic

How nice of Jill to model most of her cakes on Rob’s face or character,
That’s love.
Or divorce.

Comment by DH

the bottom row middle cake seems to be her official divorce announcement cake. monkey holding a fucking heart and the letters “c” “u”. campbells history. who the fuck will keep him in check now?

Comment by andy@cynic

cake art gallery? Charles and Nigella are gonna get a run for their money…

Comment by niko

You have no idea how much I wish you hadn’t pointed that out. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Jill will be over-the-moon that her wonderful cakes have been overshadowed by a momentary lapse of reason by George and me eating pizza in [none-skidmarked, thank you very much] underwear.

Underwear, got that makes it sound even worse doesn’t it … why can’t men have a word for their ‘undergarments’ that doesn’t make them sound like their either from the 1920’s or about as sexy as James Corden. [Look it up]

And thank you so much for now making me question if Jill is really studying cake design or just getting away from me. Given I saw her on SKYPE yesterday and she’s changed her hairstyle and colour as well as bought some new glasses, I’m starting to now fear the worst …

Comment by Rob

just protecting you from the inevitable disaster that is heading your way. you should be fucking thanking us, not taking the piss.

Comment by andy@cynic

Are the cakes yummy or just have good appearance? You should share with us then we can help to figure that out:)

Comment by leonwalkon

They taste divine Leon – and if you finish all your work on time, I might let you taste one. Only one. Can’t get you too excited.

Comment by Rob

Now I know where the phrase came from;

“Cake or death?”

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

Ruled the bed? Don’t even want to cotemplate what this might imply…

Comment by northern

It’s nothing you won’t have seen countless times on Youporn NP.

Comment by Rob

DO they have it in Singapore?

Comment by northern

I wouldn’t know. But yes, they do.

Comment by Rob

Wonderful, brilliant news. So happy for her! And so proud of her too!!!

Comment by truuskie

Yeah, don’t think of her kind husband proudly supporting her endeavors while he slaves away at work. Talking of slaving, how is your hubby?

Comment by Rob

He’s good! We just had a week away on the isle of Texel, with our entire zoo. It was inspiring. Full of new ideas! Hope your missus is back soon… I can’t wait for her to set up her site. She must be so thrilled to start this. I want to come to the opening of the shop. Wish we sold buckingham palace soon. i’m so bankrupt.

Comment by truuskie

What do you mean you’re bankrupt? Tell your hubbie to work harder – you deserve only the best.

Comment by Rob

reading this post had me in stitches. not necessarily because of the fact that jill is away and it’s only taken 3 days to realise that you’re not 20 anymore, but the hilarity by the usual suspects.

i think hollywood might like to have a word with you though, rob – keep shattering the illusion of the ball’n’chain this way and their cash cow of bachelor flicks may be in jeopardy.

Comment by lauren

and jill, your timing is impeccable – wait til rob gets back from sydney himself, so you double the fun. nice work.

Comment by lauren

I don’t like where this is going.

Comment by Rob

should have thought of that a few weeks ago 😀

Comment by lauren

Are they as yummy as they look? Your wife is such a talented babe.

Jemma x

Comment by Jemma King

darling jem. what the fuck are you doing here? thought you had much better taste than that but then youll be here for me so its understandable. i miss your shit coffee making.

Comment by andy@cynic

I knew you’d be back. You always wanted me.

Comment by Billy Whizz

the only reason jem would come back for you is to make sure you were handed the cease and desist order. but dont worry billy boy, shed be only playing hard to get, youre just unlucky every woman plays hard to fucking get with you.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s tough being so desirable to hot chicks.

Comment by Billy Whizz

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