The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Home Is A Feeling …
November 29, 2010, 6:34 am
Filed under: Comment

So I’m in Singapore for the next couple of days and as usual, I like it and miss it.

That’s not to say I don’t like Shanghai – I bloody love it – but for some reason, Singapore feels more like home than pretty much all the other places I have some sort of direct connection with, so it’s good to be back.

And this leads to the point of this post: belonging.

The reality is I have spent my whole life feeling like I don’t belong.

That doesn’t mean I feel – or have felt – alienated, isolated, uncared for or unloved … it’s just I feel I have never really ‘fitted in’ with certain groups or situations that have ended up dominating large parts of my life.

Without doubt, some of this [most of this?] has been self inflicted.

Not because I am someone with a self-destruction switch but because I have certain needs and insecurities that have led to me making personal choices that has resulted in my feelings of disconnection ending up as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Which leads me back to Singapore.

Despite so many things that annoy me about the place, it feels like home.

OK, so for me, the true definition of home is always going to be where my wife [and cat] are … but interms of a place that feels like I have some definitive and active roots in place, Singapore is it.

At least currently.

I wish I could truly explain why that’s the case but I can’t.

Knowing my way around the place and having some friends and history here can’t be the reason because that’s true of many places I’ve lived over the years – plus I was only in Singapore for 4 years which isn’t very long, especially compared to some other countries I stayed – so who knows what the reasons are, but it’s good to be back even if the only way for me to get rid of that familiar ‘stranger in my own town’ feeling is to go to Funan Mall and buy a shitload of electronic tat.

44 Comments so far
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For someone who doesn’t think he fits in, you know a shit load of people. I haven’t got any insecurities or hang ups about fitting in and I know a fraction of the friends you’ve got.

Comment by DH

I forgot, you only have 6.264 friends don’t you. OK, so I know a fraction of the amount of people you are friendly with. Not friends. Friendly.

Comment by DH

I’ll give you the answer to the question that’s been plaguing you Rob.

Your face.
Your personality.
Your appearance.

There’s no cure but I can issue a prescription for #1 and #3 and make it less painful.

Cost of treatment $1,000,000
Cost of this consultation $5,666,666

Please deposit in my bank account within 28 days.

My heart goes out to Singapore for the next couple of days.

Comment by Billy Whizz

this is a bit like getting marriage advice from elizabeth fucking taylor. im not saying its wrong, just saying pot kettle fucking black.

Comment by andy@cynic

I guess you knew what you’d be opening yourself up for when you wrote about your insecurities Rob, but I still think it’s a very open thing to say.

I’ve been fortunate to talk to you about this in the past and I still say you don’t find it hard to belong, you find it hard to belong with fools because anyone who can feel love for Singapore isn’t someone who is cold, it’s someone who has the patience of a saint. 🙂

Enjoy being “home” and my condolences to Jill for the depleted joint bank account.

Comment by Pete

You’re only saying that Pete because Rob’s your mate and you won’t look a fool.

And have you seen the standard of his real “friends” Pete?

If they’re not fucking fools I don’t know who are. They can’t even mow the lawn without cutting their thumbs off. Who would want to belong to that low rent Jackass crew?

What does “feel like you belong” mean anyway? Does it require the other person or place to welcome you with open arms and a warm smile because if it does, then Singapore is the biggest fool of them all.

Comment by Billy Whizz

at least youre right on this fucking comment.

Comment by andy@cynic

We don’t have a joint account. It’s for her protection … and mine … so I’ll always have someone to run to when I’m broke. Ha.

And thanks for the words Pete – yes, I did know what I was letting myself in for, but then I get shit even when I don’t write anything.

Damned if I do. Damned if I don’t. Haha.

Comment by Rob

i fucking wish you did turn to jills fucking money because youve been cleaning out my stash like a fucking bank robber.
youre not that fucking different from those rich wanker bankers who have been stealing from the fucking poor. they always want more even though they dont fucking need it. at least you havent bought a porsche but its only a matter of time especially with a cock of your minute fucking dimensions.

Comment by andy@cynic

Should I be the one to mention you have a porsche penis Andy.

Comment by DH

fuck you dave. the only reason i got it was so i could attract hot women with low self esteem after #2 fucked me over. and i got rid of it now. i am mr fucking mature.

Comment by andy@cynic

Why don’t you tell us what you’ve got then Mr Mature.

Comment by Billy Whizz

why the fuck should i. but ill tell you this, its tricked out like a campbell wet fucking dream. fuck mature, live the dream.

Comment by andy@cynic

This blog really adds to popular culture doesn’t it.

Comment by Rob

fuck you campbell. havent you got some shit to go and buy?

Comment by andy@cynic

Good point, I can cram in at least 10 shops before my first meeting. See ya …

Comment by Rob

fucking spendthrift.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’d definitely like to know what car Andy has…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

so would my ex fucking wives so they can key it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I won’t tell…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i know you wont because im not fucking telling you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Must be something as subtle as a Boucher critique of planning…

Holden VXR?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

holden? isnt that an aussie piece of shit? do i look like the sort of twat that would spend money on a car made in fucking australia. you fucking insult me there mortimer. and yourfuckingself.

Comment by andy@cynic

campbell campbell campbell. you think i dont know this is the big excuse you use to jill to justify spending her fucking pension on shit no one needs and that you end up throwing away within a couple of months? how fucking stupid do you think i am?

your little black book is fucking full to the fucking brim. sure its not with hot chicks who want to do you, but its full of zitty, ugly fuckers who are fucking big in business. that might not be as good as a blowjob from a fhm model but its better than being an ugly sad shit with a book thats as blank as your face when youre playing video games.

you love singapore. what a fucking turn up for the books. need i fucking remind you we had 7 months of your whining and whinging before you finally decided to go and now look at you. living the rich man dream surrounded by asian lovelies who think youre great and connections the fucking mafia would want.

shut your fucking whinging because if this is what feeling like an outsider is, i want some of that shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

This might be your best comment ever.

Sure, it might be insulting me, but the crafting of the insult is wonderful and anyone who can seamlessly go from hot models to zits to blowjobs is a master. Of course no one would like to be a master of that, but I still appreciate the skill.

PS: The video game face you so politely express is something Jill say’s too. Please tell me you haven’t been talking again – that freaks me out.

Comment by Rob

maybe you love singapore because the whole fucking place is transitory so you feel you dont have to belong because everyone moves anyway? hows that for a dr phil evaluation. of course its a crock of shit because youre like a love sick teenager and go out of your way to stay in touch with every fucker youve ever said “excuse me” too, but thats not fucking important right now.

love dr andy.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s not Dr Phil, it’s way better than that, it’s Dr Grissom from CSI.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I’m guessing he’s a doc. Maybe he’s not and that’s why he’s not on the show anymore. Bet those bastards at the medical board have taken away his license and after all he’s done to improve medical science and crime rates.

Comment by Billy Whizz

another fun packed sunday in the billy household is it?

Comment by andy@cynic

Always a party at the Billy crib.

Comment by Billy Whizz

a reflection doesnt count as having 2 people in your pad billy.

Comment by andy@cynic

Interesting. But no. Besides, you fuck up your own argument by correctly stating [though obviously exaggerated] that I tend to stay in touch with people when I’ve gone … and not from a “you’re my facebook friend” angle, but genuinely stay in touch.

What with writing this blog and writing to people who once passed me the salt in a restaurant, I don’t know how I find the time to play video games and watch documentaries. Oh, and work.

Comment by Rob

well if what you class as fucking work is what you tried to fob me and auntie off with, then turning on your computer and sending off the odd fucking email doesnt really fuckng qualify.

Comment by andy@cynic

Got to say, the casual denigration of the MBJ upset
me a bit, thought young Andy might have responded.
Give me a roomful of MBJs over a roomful of MBAs any
day of the week.

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

upsetting people is what i do. im ‘on brand’ as planners like to say, pretending they know what the fuck it means.

Comment by andy@cynic

Very on brand Andy.


Comment by Rob Mortimer

I have the same frequent feeling of not belonging or fitting in with people/places. It makes me insecure at times, but overall I think it’s more of a virtue than a curse.

Re: Singapore…could it be the quirkiness of the place?

Comment by nik

youre very fucking quiet campbell which means youre either in prison or playing with your new, overpriced and obsolete within 10 pissing minutes little fucking joystick.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s a quiet day.

Comment by The Kaiser

always is inbetween campbells fucking ears.

Comment by andy@cynic

Been working. I know … I know … that’s amazing … but I have and now I need to lie down for 38 months.

Oh, and I think I know why I like Singapore.

You see today I saw an incredible amount of people I know – some just walking down the street – so I think one of the reasons I really feel like this place is ‘home’ is that because of it’s size, I know/interact with more people and so I feel a greater sense of community than I have in other places and that sense of ‘belonging’ and having it demonstrated to me in my everyday life, helps make this place feel more special to me than others.

Might be wrong. Probably am wrong. But it kind of “feels” right and today has been a genuinely good day.

Right enough of that, time for sleep. Ta-ra.

Comment by Rob

you mean people fucking acknowledge you in the street? well fuck me, no wonder you like the fucking place.

Comment by andy@cynic

Can’t believe Andy missed that open-goal re size.

Comment by John

too fucking easy dodds. even i have some fucking standards.

Comment by andy@cynic

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