The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Yep, that kid really is doing an amazing pencil sketch of the Mona Lisa [whilst standing infront of the real thing, obviously] while his young, beautiful, well-dressed parents look on with a sense of pride.

Oh what a happy family they look.

Perfectly groomed, behaved and financially secure.

I particularly like how they made the kid look a bit ‘street’ by giving him cargo’s and a long sleeved tee under his shirt. Very clever.

Of course the fact it’s all a big pile of convoluted, contrived, fanciful bollocks doesn’t matter because JWT have told HSBC that the entire population of China aspire to this sort of image [even if it’s an image that has been so badly photo shopped that its physical dimensions make no sense whatsoever] and they sit in their homes each night dreaming about the day they too can stand as a family in front of one of the World’s most famous paintings [without any interruption from the Louvre’s staff despite the fact they’ve commandeered the space in front of the very reason most people enter its hallowed halls] and watch as their little Jamie [let’s face it, they wouldn’t take their daughter would they!] gets his crayolas out and pulls off the sort of genius Da Vinci himself would be proud of.

God I hate this fucking shit.

The Chinese population are not ‘stupid’. They are not gullible. They are not [all] living in a time warp bubble just like they don’t [all] aspire to the Western perspective of contrived sophistication.

This is one of the oldest cultures in the World … one that has created, developed and spread many of the skills that we take for granted. Too many marketers and agencies mistake the countries relatively recent consumer spending power for a nation full of naïve and/or ignorant souls which is ironic given this sort of work show it’s actually the client and agency who need to be taught some lessons.

No, that’s not a joke.

Apparently SKY Broadcasting claimed their customers may have gotten confused and not realised they were dealing with a completely different company.

Given SKYPE have created a product that is genuinely beneficial to their users and doesn’t try to extort every single dime from their wallet, I doubt any confusion would have occurred but in another example of big business triumphing over the little guy, they’ve won.

Yep, that’s right, SKY Broadcasting won.

Let’s be honest, even though SKY supposedly have ‘proof’ that people were confused between SKY/ SKYPE they reality is that is about as likely as people thinking the British Government and British Airways are one and the same.

[though given the way both of them are managing their business, maybe that’s not the best example]

This legal battle had nothing to do with confusion, it had everything to do with pettiness, ego and – given SKYPE’s interest in streaming television – fear.

But it doesn’t stop there.

Oh no.

China believes in cumulative learning … so whilst others go back to their brand onions, proprietary tools, powerpoint charts, advertising propositions and research processes, China learns from their mistakes so they can immediately develop another version to enable them to make even more money and then, when they feel they’ve exhausted the possibilities of profit, they move onto the next opportunity with the same level of zeal as they did with the project before.

Brands talk about how passionate they are.
Agencies talk about how how passionate they are.
People talk about how passionate they are.

Of course, enthusiasm is a good thing – especially when it manifests itself into positive actions – however I do think it’s important to remember that passion doesn’t automatically equate to quality or effectiveness and yet time after time, I see agencies being awarded big projects simply because they had the ability to convey excitement at a pivotal moment.

Guess this proves the ‘pitch’ is more a personality show than a solutions show … and that’s fine [hell, I’ve profited from this attitude many a time] except I keep hearing brands accuse agencies of not being focused on their business issues when there are many occasions where they are just as guilty.

Without doubt the emotional and personal dynamics between client and agency have a big effect on the end product … and I absolutely appreciate an agency that is genuinely passionate will, in all likelihood, go to greater lengths to achieve the clients ‘goal’ than someone who isn’t … however too often these dynamics are measured on how much an agency is willing to ‘fit in with the client process’ rather than what they can/will contribute to the actual goal, which means if the passion is more bluster than ability, everyone ends up losing – client, agency, public and shareholder.

Don’t get me wrong, keeping a client happy – emotionally and professionally is very, very important – however when it ends up being more about their ego than the task at hand, things go bad very quickly indeed.

I know this is going to make me look a complete corporate toady bastard, but the reason I bring this up is because I just re-watched an oldish interview with Mr W and Mr K that I absolutely love.

The thing is, there’s one point in the interview [at 6 mins 90 secs to the end of the clip] that when I first heard it, made me go, “WHAT THE HELL???” however once I heard the justification, it made perfect sense which is why if I had my way, I’d show it to every client we’re hoping to work with and if they shook their head in confusion, I’d stop the conversation there … not because we’re creative prima-donas, but because we actually want to do the right thing, not the diluted thing.

Anyway, have a look and tell me if I’ve been at the kool aid again.

[I think I know your answer! Bastards]

When you think of Italy there are probably quite a few things that come to mind – from fashion to waving little white flags, however one area that it’s universally known for is it’s food.

The Chinese might have come up with pasta but it’s Italy that mastered it however another food type that it’s inherently known for is ice cream.

Gelato is an art form in Italy.

There’s no ‘Mr Whippy’ shit, it’s all grade-A, super flavoured majesty.

Hell, I once even had charcoal flavoured ice cream [no, I don’t know why they’d make it either] and it was tastier than Walls Vienetta that at one point, I would have sworn was made by God’s own hand … so imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Now I may be wrong, but something tells me it might be an over exaggeration to claim they are the producers of “Italy’s Favourite Desserts”.

Why?

Because as much as Italy is also home to some of the worst taste in Europe, even a leopard skin Versace suit wearing, mullet ridden footballer would draw the line at serving – let alone eating – some ice cream SERVED IN A FUCKING COCONUT SHELL.

There is a little part of me that admires them for trying to make the sort of shit you get offered at a crap Indian restaurant in Nottingham look classy [the platteresque effect, the 3[?] coconut halves, the description, the silver spoon] but let’s face it, it’s complete and utter pants isn’t it.

And what about the photo?

I don’t know if it’s the beige background or just the incredibly bad lighting, but I’ve seen quicksand that looks more inviting than that.