The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


A Declaration Of War …
August 12, 2010, 6:07 am
Filed under: Comment

So my Mum is Italian and because of that, I’ve been exposed to the culture of the place since birth.

When you think of Italy there are probably quite a few things that come to mind – from fashion to waving little white flags, however one area that it’s universally known for is it’s food.

The Chinese might have come up with pasta but it’s Italy that mastered it however another food type that it’s inherently known for is ice cream.

Gelato is an art form in Italy.

There’s no ‘Mr Whippy’ shit, it’s all grade-A, super flavoured majesty.

Hell, I once even had charcoal flavoured ice cream [no, I don’t know why they’d make it either] and it was tastier than Walls Vienetta that at one point, I would have sworn was made by God’s own hand … so imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Now I may be wrong, but something tells me it might be an over exaggeration to claim they are the producers of “Italy’s Favourite Desserts”.

Why?

Because as much as Italy is also home to some of the worst taste in Europe, even a leopard skin Versace suit wearing, mullet ridden footballer would draw the line at serving – let alone eating – some ice cream SERVED IN A FUCKING COCONUT SHELL.

There is a little part of me that admires them for trying to make the sort of shit you get offered at a crap Indian restaurant in Nottingham look classy [the platteresque effect, the 3[?] coconut halves, the description, the silver spoon] but let’s face it, it’s complete and utter pants isn’t it.

And what about the photo?

I don’t know if it’s the beige background or just the incredibly bad lighting, but I’ve seen quicksand that looks more inviting than that.

Whilst food is functional, it is also a very emotional thing – especially when dining in a restaurant – so to literally shove a bad pic of a coconut onto a bad piece of card like it’s a 7 year olds school project is probably not going to drive their incremental revenues however if their aim was to piss off the entire Italian population, then they’ve been more effective than if they got the US to invade claiming they had WMD’s.


31 Comments

Are there many Italians in China?

Comment by John

As for the idea of flaying a coconut so that you can refill it with coconut sorbet, maybe Lauren can tell me if that’s post-modern irony or value-adding craft?

Comment by John

neither.

Comment by lauren

I know you’re still reeling from Burnley 1 Nottingham Forest 0, but does the fact that the Chinese invented ice-cream put a different perspective on this?

Comment by John

well done doddsy, kick the fucker when hes down though why he would ever feel that way is beyond me given he has somehow managed to blag a fucking tip top life when he should be living in the sewers.

i know it all my fucking fault. im sorry, didnt realise what I was doing at the time, just thought i was doing charity work and helping out the needy only to realise i was feeding a fucking parasite.

Comment by andy@cynic

You were acting from the purest intentions though and such behaviour is always rewarded. Hence you have a Canadian dream home.

Comment by John

Piss of me AND my Mum why don’t you John. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Comment by Rob

i have no fucking problem about scoffing the grub out the packaging, i do that with my cherry garcia every time the wifes not guarding the freezer like shes an fbi agent, but why the fuck does the picture feature 3 coconut halves. no restaurant is that fucking generous and besides, getting 3 halves is like getting 2 left fucking shoes. completely fucking stupid and mrs c is going to go off and demand you come home immediately.

now vienetta is in another league altofuckingether.

Comment by andy@cynic

The third one’s garnish. This is an upmarket plastic-menu’d restaurant.

Comment by John

3rd ones garnish? who and why the fuck would anyone do that? filled with ice cream or not thats fucking stupid. dont they realise the universally accepted garnish for any dish in any shit restaurant is some old parsley or if theyve run out of that, a small sprig of broccoli.

what the fuck would gordon fucking ramsey say. spendthrift twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

Inscrutable.

Comment by John

You know your way around cheap restaurant garnishes like a bloke from Nottingham Andy. I salute you.

Comment by Rob

And, as you know, Campbell is not one to skimp on dessert portions.

Comment by John

especially when someone else is paying.

Comment by andy@cynic

As a fellow Italian, I endorse this post wholeheartedly.

Comment by Age

They could use those coconuts for flags. Multipurpose food for the Iti army. Smart.

Comment by Billy Whizz

My Mum is going to kill you!

Comment by Rob

wipeable menu. It’s a sign.

Comment by Chris

What?

That people masturbate on it?

Comment by Rob

Oh God, you meant vomit on it. I am shamed.

Comment by Rob

What you do in the privacy of your own restaurant etc.

Comment by Chris

Probably why I now live in China – got chased out of everywhere else!

Comment by Rob

A suite at the Ryugyong Hotel awaits.

Comment by Chris

What makes you think I’m not living there now!?

Comment by Rob

It has no elevator.

Comment by Chris

agree on the lack of quality of the ad, but Bindi is a genuine italian manufacturer of italian desserts and you do find those in Italy as well…

not an italian, but have lived there a couple of years ..

Comment by johan

You work for the UN don’t you Johan and are trying to avoid another war, ha.

Comment by Rob

they also have filled oranges, got to give them credit for that…
not the best desserts possible, but your average pizzeria too lazy to cater homemade desserts would regularly feature their fridges full of “fantasia nel dessert” (always liked that slogan),

lol @ UN, being belgian, maybe that’s it.. 🙂

Comment by johan

Have you been to Saizeriya yet? I believe the name is a portmanteau of seizure and diarrhea. It’s a Japanese chain of “Italian, family-style restaurants,” and it’s here in Shanghai. It’s an interesting experience…

Comment by Rob Meyerson

My Mum would destroy me. She didn’t talk to me for a week when I once bought a can of Heinz Spaghetti Bolognaise … this would be pushing her over the edge.

Comment by Rob

you think that’s bad – you should see what we do to the italian cuisine here, in the name of ‘multiculturalism’. mrs c, you really would have a heart attack.

Comment by lauren




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