The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

When you think about it, it’s pretty amazing given it’s a relatively new brand using a relatively new technology … however it’s not as amazing as thinking that once upon a time, the biro was potentially seen by some as a radical – and commercially pointless – innovation.

Of course part of this shift from “new” to “natural” is the speed in which it has been adopted by the masses … but the one thing that still hasn’t changed is Google’s quest to find a business model that actually works for it.

I know for a fact a huge amount of work has gone into trying to find a solution, however despite some incredibly interesting concepts by some brilliant people, nothing has stuck as of yet.

Whilst Google can absorb and justify its costs, the reality is that as a business – like many hyped digital concepts – it’s a money vampire, however it will continue to see huge amounts of money poured into it because there’s always that hope that one day they can find a way to monetize it’s huge audience … and whilst I am fairly confident they can develop a model that will at the very least, off-set a large proportion of its costs, I doubt it will ever be a truly self funding business.

Of course anything can be justified [see Fallon’s “Gorilla”] … and the fact is Google’s future is not inherently linked to the financial success of Youtube … however I can’t help but feel we’re heading back to the time when anything ‘digital’ was deemed a brilliant investment which we all know is just plain bollocks, because getting a return on your cash requires more than just an ‘ad revenue’ business model or holding out for the IPO.

Haven’t people read Fucked Company yet?

Jeez …

Anyway, this post isn’t about the realities of business … nor is it a reminder that what may appear ‘radical today’ could be part of the mainstream tomorrow [so clients should stop being such scaredy cats whenever something other than bloody television is presented] … it’s the fact that despite all the business issues YouTube may or may not have, the one thing it does offer is a none-stop home for human delusion.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ve done my fair share of stupid [thanks Marcus!] however amongst all the Rick Astley and soft porn clips … there lies a sea of weirdness that puts even the people who appear on the early rounds of American Idol/X Factor to shame.

For reasons I really don’t want to go into, I think the best thing to do is introduce you to my latest ‘find’ … a man called David who, for reasons only known to himself, calls himself Gildragon … and before you experience his unique approach to entertainment, you should know he takes himself VERY seriously, as checking out this link demonstrates.

Happy errrrrm, listening.

A while ago I wrote about one of the most beautiful examples of love I had seen in a long time … photographer Phillip Toledano’s dayswithmyfather website.

I don’t know why I felt the need to check it out again, but today I learnt his Father, Edward, died.

I’m not sure when it happened, why it happened or how it happened … but it happened and the World’s a little less special because of it.

Anyway, on New Years Eve, my Mum sent me a clip that represents the sort of sweetness that Walt Disney would have sold his left bollock for …

Now this post isn’t going to talk about how we should be inspired by ‘opposing animal love’ and put aside our differences to work towards a better planet … it’s not even going to bore you rigid about what cute/stupid/annoying shit my cat does on a daily basis – it’s simply to point out that if you watched the above [albeit cute] clip without any sound, I would guess whatever emotional impact you experienced, would be lessened … and I would guess those of you who have pets [or have always wanted pets] would have felt an even deeper connection to the clip – which leads me to the question that if a woman with 2 perverted pets, a video camera and an alarming lack of musical taste can produce a clip that makes you smile and feel warm inside, why the hell can’t clients and agencies with their multi-million dollar budgets and experience?

I’m willing to take a stab at the answer and that is that they’ve forgotten to include the ‘human’ element into what they’ve been doing … preferring to either focus on ‘marketing truths’, some outdated and poorly executed ‘focus group’ research and/or an obsession with pleasing their peers, not their audience.

I remember years ago we were asked to help a big telco drive greater customer acquisition through their comms strategy. Without boring you stupid, of the many things that we came up with – there was one that we thought merited greater exploration – and that was the percentage of their customers that owned, or adored animals.

The reason for this was that for the past 6 years, their communication had used animals as the core talent in all their executions and our hypothesis was that on top of things like distribution, special offers, phone launches – their ad style was resulting in attracting a disproportionate amount of animal lovers to their network.

Well guess what – via an independent and fairly substantial research study – we were proved right and yet, when we suggested their strategy should include encouraging greater pet ownership across the country [in association with the RSPCA equivalent] rather than just relying on ridiculously expensive and overly commoditised phone/network deals and communication, we were kicked out and basically told never to darken their door again.

That still bugs the crap out of me because apart from us having some lovely ideas to make it work – we still think the idea underpinning it is solid, but I guess given we weren’t called Clotaire Rapaille, I guess we were seen as freaks, not fortune makers.

The French fuck the Brits again. Bastards.

I’ve banged on for years how I believe that for adland to regain their true commercial value, they need to be acknowledged as the people who understands, engages and intrigues society better than anyone else [rather than the current business view that we simply ‘make ads’ … and often, just self-serving ones at that] – however with so much emphasis on pleasing the marketing director rather than the CEO, I doubt that is a view that will fundamentally change anytime soon.

One of the best things I’ve ever read about marketing from a human emotional need rather than a rational marketing need is a chapter in Cliff Havener’s ‘The Secret To Being Alive’.

I literally spent 10 years trying to get a copy of his book – and while it is good – it’s nothing compared to that single chapter and now I am an animal owner, I realise what Cliff was doing back in the 60’s was even more powerful and insightful than I originally thought.

There’s nothing too mind blowing in it – it’s all quite simple really, especially when you understand the needs/wants/fears and desires of that specific segment in society – however with so much marketing focused on understanding the category rather than the culture it operates in, it’s little surprise that so few brands have seemingly infiltrated the wider echelons of society and made a deep and meaningful emotional connection with them.

Anyway you can read it for yourself because that key chapter can be downloaded here.

Yes … it’s a no smoking sign … but look at those 2 little words under the image.

BY LAW

BY LAW!!! ???

Christ almighty, that’s pretty big isn’t it? I mean, it’s saying that if you do in fact light up a fag, you’re not just breaking the shopping centres rules, you’re actually going against the countries. In short, you’re a bloody terrorist, Or rebel. Or demonstrator. Or a rebel terrorist demonstrator!

To be honest, I think people would understand they couldn’t smoke from the image alone … however the good ol’ Singapore Government doesn’t want to leave anything to chance … so not only do they want to make sure that you know they are really, really serious about not smoking, they want to make you aware that no where on the island is safe from their iron-fist and if you take the piss they’ll cane/jail/hang you.

Maybe.

Now I’ve written in the past how Asia tends to not leave anything to chance.

The airlines are called ‘[Insert Country] Airlines’.

The jewellery shops have names like ‘Expensive Jewellery’.

The cafes give themselves monikers like ‘Big Eat Cafe’.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with this – but linked with my rants of the past regarding how Asian education tends to be centred on ‘memorising’ rather than ‘learning’ – it’s little surprise that the concept of ‘conceptualisation’ is something people find quite hard to grasp.

The weird thing about all this though is the Asian culture pretty much sees meaning in everything said/seen and done … their ability to read subtext is second to none … and when you marry that to the fact the region contains some of the smartest and most creative people I’ve ever met … you’d think this overtly literal attitude towards messaging, especially communication based messaging, could be overcome.

And here’s the thing, I genuinely believe it could … however whilst it would take some time, I believe one of the main reasons it is not embraced is that in a place like Singapore, keeping people in a state where they ‘follow orders’ and seek to be ‘spoon-fed’ information keeps the Government in control and keeps the country on the ‘straight and narrow’.

Oh hang on, I’ve never done that – which makes justifying this post a little easier.

This story is from last year, but given seeing it again managed to lift the cloud of depression that now engulfs me as I sit back behind my desk … I thought it might do wonders for other depressed-as-a-fart-and-back-at-work friends too.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo …

Last year in Bolivia, a taxi driver called Rafael Vargas was murdered.

Fortunately for the police, a woman who lived in the area was able to draw a sketch of a man that she said killed the driver, before setting fire to him.

As is common in enquiries like this, the Police thought the best strategy was to utilise mass media to try and get the public to smoke the guilty parties out.

Amazingly the strategy worked and 2 suspects were arrested shortly after the news media released the dramatic clip featuring theatrical soundtrack and a booming voice asking, “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN”.

Now you may be wondering why I say ‘amazingly’ the strategy worked …

Well for that, you have to watch the clip and pay special attention to the ‘photo fit’ that went along with the appeal.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How funny is that eh?

With the head shaped like a rugby ball, the lips sliding to one side, the phallic nose, the missing ears and the very, very, very bad hair day – it’s little surprise it has been labeled both the work of a 5 year old and the worst photofit picture in the history of crime fighting.

How the police caught anyone with such a disastrous image is beyond me … however if I was the lawyer of the arrested individuals, I would think I stood a very good chance of being able to get them off.