The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Normally I pre-write my blog posts days – even weeks – in advance.

Of course that proves what you’ve always known – people in advertising do nothing but sit on their arses, shout “yeah, yeah … but we need Ridley” down the phone and go for the odd expensive lunch – however as there is a recession going on, I’ve found myself actually having to WORK.

Naturally what that actually means is I delegate all my work to my at wonderful – and far more efficient teams – but it’s jolly hard work being on top of everything they/I should be doing I can tell you.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that after my recent trips to hell, I’ve fallen behind and so because I have a lot of hard delegation to do [especially over the next week or so] the posts on this blog are going to make The Sun look like the home for the intellectual.

To prove my point, today’s post is actually a link to one of my other blogs – Jillyism.

Yes … she’s back and this time she means business.

I had a shit birthday thank you very much for asking … and now I’m on the slippery slope to the big/dreaded 40, it’s only going to get worse, so before we [read: me] get all depressed, let’s get on with things shall we?

Fat Bastards.

No, I’m not talking about me … or Andy … I’m talking about Americans.

Lots and lots of Americans.

But not exclusively them.

Oh no. Australia is right up there too.

Yes, the bronze, chiselled, outdoorsy folk are fast turning into a nation of wobbly jellies … which is bad news for them, but good news for the Brits, who can now feel a little less insecure about their criminal relations..

Anyway, as usual I digress.

Now there’s many reasons why the West is becoming a society of chubbies – not least the fact we are eating so much food that is bad for us.

No, I’m not talking about Macca’s and Pizzahut … I’m talking about the brands that put words like ‘LIGHT’ or ‘No Added Sugar’ all over their packaging.

As a nutritionist said to me recently, the unhealthiest foods are the ones that are claiming to be healthy – not just because proportionally they’re still packed with excessive sugars, chemicals and god knows what else … but because they make us believe we’re being [a bit] careful, so end up eating more of the stuff.

Sure we have to take some responsibility for being so thick however the fact is the food and health industries – like the medical industries – don’t want us to be healthy, they just want us to THINK we’re healthy and they spend billions of dollars per year to help keep perpetuating this myth.

Now I’ve written about this sort of thing before …

Like how Macca’s talk big about encouraging healthy eating then spend a fortune advertising their menu where all the ‘bad stuff’ only costs a dollar.

But it’s not just them, oh no … so much of this ‘fat food’ culture is driven by Government subsidies.

Yep …

For example, the US Government encourages farmers to grow corn. Actually, “encourage” isn’t the right word. Bribe might be better.

Sure there are subsidies for a range of food groups, but proportionately, corn is the most profitable food a US farmer can grow and it’s been that way for a very long time.

And why is that bad?

Because corn is the ingredient most food companies use to make the majority of their products.

Seriously, next time you pick something up – and I mean ANYTHING, including none-food products – see how much of it is formulated around corn. I promise you, it’ll scare the pants off you.

Now imagine if the Government said enough was enough and that now on, they’d only give subsidies if farmers grew healthy food.

What would happen then?

Well you could argue we’d have stock piles of spoiled fruit – however I think what it would [also] do is drive down the price of the products, making its use [both by individuals and companies] more appealing and as such, help change the eating habits of a whole generation.

Yes … yes … I know someone out there is saying ‘but corn is healthy’ … and it is … however many/most of the food companies don’t use it for that purpose, preferring instead to incorporate/re-engineer into their manufacturing process as a cheap, efficient and effective alternative to a whole host of ingrediants.

But this isn’t about the hypocrisy of the food companies, health companies and governments … this is about congratulating one of them.

Putting aside the fact Burger King are as bad as Macca’s in claiming ‘health’ but promoting bad-food gluttony, I think they’ve done something that is smart and more effective in changing habits than a hell of a lot of the advertising out there.

In short, it’s this …

Yep, they are pieces of apple cut up like chips and placed in a packet that resembles their french fries.

The reason I love it so much is because they’ve taken into account the psychological element of eating, not just the ‘health’ element … and my belief is the group that will benefit most from this approach [albeit subconsciously] is children.

Let’s face it, eating at fast food places is fun.

Lots of noise, colour and bloody tasty grub. Not only that, but the whole way of eating is enjoyable.

You unwrap the food. You use your hands. It’s much more relaxed than lunch/dinner times at home with the family … especially if you’re a youngster … so it goes without saying that if ‘healthy food’ is presented in a way that eliminates the subconscious ‘fun’ elements of the ‘process’, it’s appeal is going to be reduced.

However by making the whole thing look/feel/sound like one of the normal ‘menu’ items, the resistance to consumption can be reduced because the ‘eater’ will feel like they’re the same as everyone else – which is especially important as a kid – which can only be a good thing, especially in markets where the consumption of fast food is disproportionately high either because of [1] poverty or [2] it represents the only location where children can play in a safe environment.

So well done to BK … because by doing this, you are demonstrating you genuinely give-a-little-bit-of-a-shit about healthy/healthier eating and that’s a damn sight more than many in your category.

For me, this is brilliant planning and creativity …

Don’t get me wrong, I love the work Crispin’s have done for the brand, but interms of changing behaviour, I would argue this is more powerful than many ads … especially those from companies who spout how seriously they regard good health and then do the absolute bare minimum neccessary to ‘prove it’.

… because this blog is closed till next Wednesday.

THIRTY NINE!

That means I will be 365 days from turning 40.

HOLYFUCKINGMOLY!

I’ve written many times how I don’t feel my age … hell, this blog certainly shows I don’t act it … but the fact of the matter is that by the end of the week, I’ll be in my last year of another decade.

Now people say ’40 is the new 30’ … but the reality is the only people who actually say that are in their forties because anyone aged 30 to 39 know they’d rather die than be of an age where it starts with the number 4.

I remember the first time I went to someone’s 40th birthday and it freaked me out that I knew someone that old – and yet here I am, making plans for some stupidly immature bash with my gay best mate Paul, in [very] little over 12 months time.

Your 30’s are supposedly the decade you ‘make it’ … and whilst a hell of a lot of good things have happened to me in the last 9 years … the next 12 months is either going to be the most significant year of my life, or my slow and painful decent into the ‘where are they now’ bin.

But enough of all this despondency – I’m turning not 39, not 40 – and so whilst I’ll be spending it in a far and distant land, sitting through a production line of research groups featuring a multitude of people, all lying to a moderator using a variety of languages – none of which I have a hope in hell of ever understanding – it’s still something that should be looked forward to, at least compared to what I will be feeling this time next year.

Being on the cusp on a new decade is weird.

It seems to hold so much significance and yet in reality, it doesn’t really change much except your attitude.

Remember how excited you were when you turned 10?

How suddenly you felt all important … grown up … mature even?

Of course it was all bollocks because you still judged masculinity on how far someone could pull a wheelie on a Raleigh Grifter and you all continued to think pouring a Sherbet Fountain in your mouth till you looked like a rabid dog was the funniest thing you’d ever seen/done … but regardless of that, moving on from one decade to another felt it was a big thing and even if your actions didn’t change much, your attitude to how you looked at time, did.

This isn’t a new concept – many people feel the same sort of thing when Jan 1st comes around – and while there’s been all sorts of rationales presented for this attitude, my personal favourite was a Bishop I once met who said it was all linked to the bible. I can’t quite remember why, but it had ‘Da Vinci Code’ written all over it.

[I’ve just realised that if the Bishop explanation is supposedly my favourite, it’s pretty bloody pathetic I can’t actually remember the specifics of what he said. Oh well … ]

Anyway enough of all this bollocks – the reality of this post [as if you didn’t know] is that this is a not-so-subtle attempt to remind you it’s my birthday on Friday and whilst from tomorrow, I won’t be in a place that has any sort of internet connection till the 17th June [so no blog posts till then, you lucky, lucky buggers], I am hoping when I do finally get to log on to this pile of shite, I will be inundated with messages/comments of love. Hell, I’ll even take your messages of abuse – though it won’t make me feel special as you give me that everyday.

Jesus … can you imagine how horrid my post next year is going to be?

If I were you, I’d run for the hills before it’s too late because given I’ve already started to think what significant things have happened to me between 2000 and 2010, you just know it’s not going to be a positive experience.

Because all their shelters are full, they took them to the SPCA and whilst they are all healthy and in good condition [they’re approximately 3 weeks old and mostly males] the reality is there’s a very high chance these puppies might have to be put to sleep.

Sadly this situation happens all the time which is why the SPCA’s policy is to keep puppies just four days so if you would like to adopt/save one of the cutest bundles of fluff around … or know someone who would be interested … please, please, please contact me and I can put you in touch with the relevant parties.

Thank you.