The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Alpha Male Business Cards …
April 20, 2009, 7:00 am
Filed under: Comment

I know a lot of you think Age is a decent, smart, emotional bloke – but let me tell you, you’re wrong.

He’s a bastard. A cunning bastard who gets off on seeing other people ‘lose it’.

Why do I say this?

Because the bugger emailed me this in the safe knowledge it would make me ‘go off’.

To be honest, I’m not sure if the clip is real – and I’m not even sure I want it to be – because if this is the sort of person who is viewed as a ‘marketing genius’ [albeit a self appointed one] then I may as well start looking for another career pretty damn quick because I’m going to be run outta town.

Look, I appreciate the power and importance of first impressions … I know how they can influence opinion, to a disproportionate level … but to insinuate a business card can basically turn your business from zero-to-hero is a bit much.

Seriously, I’ve not heard claims like that since the Lehman Brothers tried to flog ‘subprime investments.’

The other thing I disagree with Mr Guru about is that it’s a good idea to create a card that does not fit into a rolodex,

On first impressions it might sound like a simple way to ensure you stand out from the crowd, however like the TBWA ‘disruption ads’ for Singapore Airlines, just because something is different doesn’t always mean its good.

The thing is, most people like things that fit in with their “pre-determined systems and processes” [in this case, being able to put a business cards in their rolodex] so whilst this guys card will undoubtedly ‘stand out’, I would imagine most people who receive it would chuck it out because if they can’t find a logical place to store it, they can’t find a reason to keep it.

Am I saying people will throw something away even if they like the product/service?

Yeah – I am saying that is a definite possibility.

And why the hell did it take him 25 years to design that card?


For that?

Jesus, and I thought I was a procrastinator …

Saying that he does say the odd bit of sense …

I agree that the ‘title’ on a card is bullshit [except in Asia, where it is unbelievably important] … I agree that you can use a card for more than just your ‘contact details’ [see cynic’s original business card] and I believe you should talk about what you offer your clients rather than just what you do … but to claim his card can GUARANTEE to generate crowds seems abit of an overclaim … I mean, if that’s the case, he should approach Nottingham Forest’s billionaire benefactor, because the way they’re playing at the moment, he’s going to be lucky to have 5 fans turn up per match next season.

Card quality and differentiation are important, however if this guy really thinks all you need to ‘sell’ your organisation is a decent card, then he’s either [1] talking to the wrong people [2] a used car salesman or [3] someone who has mistaken American Psycho as a business documentary rather than another pretty average Hollywood remake of a decent book.

Thanks Age, you’re a bastard!

24 Comments so far
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thank you age. your selflessness will not go unnoted. now if you would only write all of campbells blog posts people might enjoy coming here rather than departing with that unwavering feeling of being a little seedy and in need of a boiling hot shower

Comment by andy@cynic

Please tell me this is a joke.

Comment by Pete

It’s only cause I know an angry Rob is a more entertaining Rob. Is that fair on you? Probably not, and I apologies. But it IS for the greater good of the rest of us readers and if it makes Andy feel all warm inside too (a rare emotion for him) then that’s good, right? 😉

Comment by Age

Why do I think of Donny Deutsch when I see this clip?

Comment by Bazza

Awe-inspiring. The distillation of twenty five years of marketing genius is, as our guru so rightly says, something that doesn’t belong in anybody’s rolodex.

Comment by John

that might have been awesome about 30 years ago. now, it just makes me want to vomit. american psycho business card scene? you bet. [although the book version is much better.. heh.]

Comment by lauren

Excuse me for appearing ignorant but who is this gentleman and does the fact I have no idea who he is represent a fatal flaw in his claim of business success and superiority?

I would like to say yes but I am concerned I may appear rude which is something I leave to Robert and his boys.

Comment by Lee Hill

lee – you are absolutely correct. he’s a loudmouth nobody. that’s not rude. that’s the truth 🙂

Comment by lauren

We shouldn’t laugh because he’s a very honest person. Just look at the name of his website.

Comment by Steve Cassidy

Is that really his website? If it is it’s hysterical. In the FAQ section it says this:

Q: How do I know this isn’t a scam?

A: Because I said so. My program is not like any other program in the world. It’s a no BS guide to making money online.

Brilliant, that will put the dubious at ease. He should of called his site

Comment by Bazza

here is my question:

what do you do about the fact that there is a market for this type of something.

Love the rant and it is on point, but how to go about making it so that people know better?

or is ignoring this the best one can do?

Where is the Oprah/Jamie Oliver of Marketing/Comms who has mainstream appeal so people learn about good stuff like the occasional post here and on other blogs?

unless taught the difference how will people know?

hmm I smell the makings of a media thingy..


Comment by niko

Network marketing aka pyramid selling.

Comment by John

Great point Niko … but until [some] people stop always looking for the shortcut to success, then these kinds of tossers will always prosper!

To be honest, there’s loads of ‘guides’ how to do it properly … from books to telly shows [hell, you’d probably get better advice from an episode of ‘Dragons Den’ than this guy could muster in a week] however the issue is that there is no definitive way to succeed.

Sure there may be some fundamentals that can increase the odds, but for every ‘rule’ there would be a perfectly successful example of a company who followed an opposite view.

Good product, solid distribution, talented people and bloody hard work would be better foundations of a successful business than a bloody business card … but too many people want the glory without the sacrifice and whilst some have been able to achieve this [our friend Mark is a perfect example, infact his success is bloody extroidinarly sickening] in the majority of cases, it’s what you’re willing to do without that can drive your success rather than ‘creating the perception and the reality will come’.

Comment by Rob

I’m sulking.

Comment by Marcus

Why are you sulking?

Comment by Rob

so it is basically a values issue. not education. though the two do dance together alot.

an even bigger market 😉

Comment by niko

No, education is part of it as well … or at least educating people they actually need to do more to have a successful business than a bloody biz card that takes 25 years to create.

Comment by Rob


Comment by Marcus

Well we love you so if you need a non-gay ‘man hug’ let me know and I’ll get Dodds onto it immediately.

Comment by Rob

Did it take him 25 years because he enjoyed playing volleyball with air force pilots?

I hope that was a pisstake… surely thats a pisstake.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i would be impressed if there were matches inside

Comment by spark

Um, it has to be a joke. It’s a pop up card.

Comment by Emily

Saw this a couple days ago and was really happy to see your commentary on it in my RSS feed. This guy is a self-righteous, douche-bag who needs to get on another subject. You’re right: 25 years for a business card?!? That’s pathetic – and brings procrastination to a whole new level.

Comment by stephanieakelly

Stephanie – you’re a smart woman, what the hell are you doing with this blog on your RSS reader, that’s worse than taking 25 years to create a business card!

Comment by Rob

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