The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


A Tortoise On Rollerskates Is Still A Tortoise …
October 20, 2008, 7:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Tortoise 1 by Evening Star57 Photo: Evening Star57

I’d like to show an ad my guys have done for Hong Kong Broadband …

The idea comes from the fact the dominant player uses old telephone lines for their broadband service so the speed of connection that a customers receives is nowhere near what it should be – or what they deserve.

[Yes Lee … it’s the Virgin of broadband … but as you don’t have an internet service in HK, you can keep your trap shut, ha!]

Anyway, the reason I like it is not [just] because it forced ‘actors’ to wear fucking stupid clothes [despite it bringing back warm memories of the Apple Tango shoot] … nor is it because it features a in-no-way-immature farting scene … it’s not even because there’s a genuine idea/benefit in the spot … it’s because despite being in a foreign language, you can tell exactly what is going on which to me is the mark of great communication.

Anyway enough of all that, sit back and enjoy …

[I have been assured the bloke with the huuuuuge [pork] sword dangling strategically between his legs in the opening shot was not meant as some cheap sexual gag. But then you know you should never trust what a creative says, ha!]


48 Comments

As Meatloaf once sang, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Nice ad, I expect to see it reshot in India and turned into a Sony commercial sometime in the future.

Comment by Lee Hill

Apple Tango where you got people to audition by making them pretend they were masturbating about fruit? It was a different industry back then wasn’t it. πŸ™‚

Comment by Pete

i only got to watch this with the sound down, but i like it.. i like the Goodies-esque references, the wacky costumes and the way you can bring kitsch homo-erotica to broadband advertising is great! πŸ™‚

Comment by lauren

those parties for gay hollywood are really fucking twisted arent they.

like it. thats the ad not the gay hollywood sex parties. well the male gay hollywood sex parties, i could stomach watching grade a carpet cleaning

Comment by andy@cynic

that had a weird claustrophic effect on me that actually caused me to cringe. by associating that awful “feeling” with the competition you’ve successfully destroyed their service in an instant – at least for me! great stuff mate…

Comment by Age

imagine how richard geres fucking gerbil felt age?

Comment by andy@cynic

Are you drunk again Andy?

Your first comment was on track [well, for you] but the Gerbil???? And thanks Age, glad you felt decidedly uncomfortable, that is obviously what we want as a reaction for a broadband provider, ha!

Comment by Rob

just because someone brings up gerbils they have to be drunk? fuck me i work with auntie george and archbishop fucking campbell

Comment by andy@cynic

sorry, i wrote my comment in a rush… wanted to clarify that i felt that the way you demonstrated the competitions offering as shit was great because it actually made me feel uncomfortable, which will benefit YOUR company much more and is a powerful thing to have done in something as simple as a 45 sec TVC!

oh fuck it, Andy’s anal gerbil comment made more sense than I am making today… sorry!

Comment by Age

Andy didn’t mention ‘anal gerbil’ … he just mentioned ‘gerbil’ … is there something you need to tell us Age? πŸ™‚

Comment by Rob

lol, trust me mate I’m having a shocker today.

*crawls into hole, waits for the day to end*

Comment by Age

*sends richard gere’s gerbil in after age* (just for company of course).

Comment by lauren

Simple, self explanatory – The way you’ve tackled how technology works, demistifying the black box.

Was working on simlar lined for a telecom pitch recently πŸ™‚ , what i found rather interesting was that telcoz can control the ratio of data & voice that goes through the single pipe. So there are more reasons for slow transfer of data.

Comment by bhaskar

I could fit in that first pipe standing up so I won’t be subscribing to Hong Kong broadband because they’re sizeist. πŸ™‚

Comment by Bazza

Nice. It feels very very HK in style, but the cheesiness works unlike many.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Is that selection really representative of an HK broadband user’s viewing?

Comment by John

Are you thinking what I was thinking John? No porn? πŸ™‚

Comment by Bazza

Not everyone has your viewing habits Bazza. I was. of course, thinking of classic literature, travel sites and political debates.

Comment by John

Yes that’s what I meant really.

Comment by Bazza

Bazza is right. Surely a real representative ad would be full of naked people?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

geez, but they got close… the wrestler’s got hardly any clothes on and a gymp mask.. that’s near enough isn’t it baz/john/rob? c’mon, cut the guys some slack…

πŸ™‚

Comment by lauren

thats no fucking wrestler its michael barrymore at a george michael fancy dress gerbil party. are you there age? with your mate richard gere?

Comment by andy@cynic

I focking hate richard gere
he’s one of many mortal enemies of my people

Comment by niko

I like the idea. Though I have to agree with John (damn) that it doesn’t represent what crawling through a broadband cable. No girls in school uniforms, men playing piano with their penis, guys firing up farts…I mean these kind of things are 10% of the global traffic (according to YouTube). Though it may be a local edition. If it is I can say Hong Kong must be the worst fucking boring place on earth.

Just imagine a Vatican version: a broadband cable stuffed with naked altar boys…

Comment by Seb

I’ve just re-read my last comment and I think I should add this:

πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

Comment by Seb

:0

Comment by facu

vatican; another mortal enemy

Comment by niko

Does anyone else think John and Seb sound like a rational client? Would you prefer it if there was someone dressed up as Google Earth as well? What about the BBC? Do you think you could get a broadband provider in the UK or Germany to run masturbating priests? Come on guys, it’s an ad and it’s more entertaining and relevant that any of the CP+B (Sorry Pete) stuff.

Comment by George

auntie fucking george goes all chuck fucking norris and i back him and not just because hes sitting behind me muttering.

hey seb ill ask the german office of google to send us your work because i cant wait to see girls in school uniforms, men playing piano with their penis and guys firing up their farts πŸ™‚

Comment by andy@cynic

and congrats to george for saying “masturbating priest” thats fucking hard core rock n roll. for him πŸ™‚

Comment by andy@cynic

Even before I saw Andrew’s glee at my previous comment I felt I may have been too harsh so I apologise to John and Seb if I caused any offense, it was not intended to come across so personally.

Comment by George

Glad to see you have calmed down there George, we were all worried about you. πŸ™‚

Comment by Billy Whizz

just when i get excited that george might be developing into a real man the dad side of him comes back with a fucking vengeance. how fucking lame

Comment by andy@cynic

Andy, as I said because of the local reference our work isn’t stuffed with girls in school uniforms but bavarians in lederhosen, sauerkraut, bratwurst, Australians throwing up at Oktoberfest and David Hasselhoff.

Comment by Seb

and you say hk is boring you crazy fucking lovely kraut

Comment by andy@cynic

Don’t mess with David Hasselhoff.
He is the king of the internet.

Comment by Seb

I can already hear Campbell grouching about that we lot manage to fuck up his intellectual and sophisticated blog posts within 7 to 13 comments. Ah, you gotta love that chap from the forrest.

Comment by Seb

no andy, campbell is starting to get worried about how tought george really is and thinking that you’re not the threat you used to be. hmm. bummer.

right george? (yes, andy, i’m creeping)

Comment by lauren

the “forrest” are bottom of their shitty league so mr campbell is the most miserable fucker this side of the planet which he happily proved by bitching and moaning over the video conference for a whole fucking hour.

i think the less said about hasselhoff the better. i like you seb but theres certain lines that should never be crossed and talking about that drunken old piece of fucking leather is one of them. im off to calm george down the poor little lamb is shaking with the adrenalin of his previous comment lol

Comment by andy@cynic

you little flirt lauren. what the fuck are you doing awake in upside down land? are the natives keeping you up with all their backslapping? πŸ™‚

Comment by andy@cynic

i’m doing a fine job of procrastinating about an essay due on wednesday. it takes time and skill, you know πŸ™‚

Comment by lauren

sure i know, i watch campbell doing it every fucking day

Comment by andy@cynic

BTW – completely off topic – i love the fact that on this blog, it seems like CP+B has changed their name to CP+B (Sorry Pete), or Crispin’s (Sorry Pete).

Comment by lauren

It was a joke George! But no need to apologise – I enjoyed your comment almost as much as Andy did.

Comment by John

And for “rational client” I prefer to read “caught in headlights of their own mediocrity client”.

Comment by John

Who’d start wittering on about the signal decay rate on fibre optic cable and whetehr the base station had an influence on overall speed as experienced by the customer….

Comment by John

maybe campbells idea about you was another in his long line of fucked ideas πŸ™‚

Comment by andy@cynic

What the hell happened to George? OK so he soon returned to ‘type’ but for a moment there he was capable of making George W feel scared. For a moment, ha!

And be nice Andy … I know even you’re capable of that. Sometimes.

Comment by Rob




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