The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The World Got A Little Nastier This Day About 40 Odd Years Ago …
April 25, 2008, 7:40 am
Filed under: Comment

Yes it’s the dirty, grumpy bastards birthday today – but because he still has some money left after paying off all his exes, he’s buggered off to the Bahamas with his wife.

Anyway, because he’s going to be out of internet contact for a few days, I thought it would be safe to show you the cake that’s being made for his special day …

NOTE: MUM [and those of a sensitive nature] PLEASE DON’T SCROLL DOWN!











Andy's Cake

Classy eh?

Specially designed to include all the parts Andy looks for in a wife. Hahaha!

And yes, ‘she’ does have a pearl necklace. Ahem.

It’s not finished yet – the baker is demanding “obscenity money” – but I think he’ll love it when he gets back.

Wonder where he’ll start eating from first?

Actually lets not go there – just wish the rude sod a happy birthday so when he comes back he can pretend he’s as popular as he deludes himself he is each and every day.

Happy Birthday you ol’ perv …

Right enough of all this ‘cake porn’ nonsense, lets get back to adland nonsense.

[PS: When is the penis being added onto the cake? πŸ™‚ ]

35 Comments so far
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That is the most bad taste cake I have ever seen which means Andy will absolutely love it.
Happy birthday Andy, I will buy you a drink or a bible when I see you next weekend.

Comment by Pete

Happy birthday to the most naughty man I know.
Big hugs and kisses
Jemma xxx

Comment by Jemma King

Happy birthday Andy.

My present to you is the bollocking I got from Mary when this cake got delivered to my house yesterday. And yes the girls did see it which has led to no end of questions being asked all evening. It was all Billy and Jemma’s idea but that doesn’t wash with Mary so enjoy the fact I am in the dog house on your behalf.

Have a wonderful time and we’ll see you gorge yourself on Wednesday.

Comment by George

Is this the Heather Mills cake?

Happy Birthday

Comment by Abba Trong

As anyone who knows me knows, cake is probably the greatest passion in my life. But this is revolting. The thought of taking a bite out of it makes me ill… New diet idea? … Hope you have a wonderful birthday Andy, you can have my slice…. Jill

Comment by Jill

Beautifully offensive and that’s just Andy.

Happy birthday, hope you are having a great time and see you soon.

Congratulations to the chef who made it, I expect to see you on the news for indecent material later tonight.

Comment by Bazza

If you think this is offensive, wait till it’s finished… George will be on the streets.

Happy Birthday Andy, I hope this meets with your disgusted approval.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Your story will also serve as my birthday pressie George, absolutely brilliant and goes some way to losing your ‘Auntie’ image πŸ˜‰

Comment by Rob


Happy fucking birthday Andy, you fucking top bastard.

Comment by Age

Yeah. Happy birthday Andy. Is that a ‘post-op’ cake?

Comment by Charles Frith

Happy Birthday Andrew, nice to see your professionalism and maturity is infiltrating all those around you.

Please don’t save me a piece of cake.

I will have to ensure a certain gentleman in my organisation learns of your little faux pas George.

Comment by Lee Hill

andy dear, have a fucking brilliant birthday, you lovely fucker! it seems that your cake already has a cut in it, but i hope you enjoy slicing the rest of it πŸ™‚


Comment by lauren

Is the cake filled with cream or does Andy get to do that?

Happy birthday darling

Comment by Dan the great hunk of a man


Hello mate, where the hell are you?

If you’re not ripped to the tits on god-knows-what [which is highly unlikely] give me a call and let me know how the adventure was.

Nice to see you’re back just in time for your lord and masters special day πŸ™‚

Can’t wait to hear from you so FUCKING CALL ME!

Comment by Rob

happy birthday andy!

Can i just ask if it’s strawberry-filled? Maybe you can cut the lower end bit to find out.

Have a good one. πŸ™‚

Comment by Emah


Comment by Marcus

Hello Emah …

I think Andy [or Age] would rather give you a slice of the cake then ask for your cherry.

And the beautiful part is that you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Comment by Rob

Sorry, over 40.

Comment by Marcus

… stone!

Comment by Rob

Blow me I’d swap a cherry for a slice of cake any day πŸ˜‰

Comment by Charles Frith

Hey Jill – looking at Charles comment it would seem you married the wrong guy! Whoops …

Comment by Rob

Is Andy’s favourite film boxing Helena? Happy birthday in any case

Comment by northern

old. old man.

Comment by Marcus

Happy birthday and dont even think about supplying your own icing.

Comment by John Dodds

Happy birthday, Arschgeige.
The world would be a less swearword-crowded place without fucking rapscallions like you. But an unbelievable boring and a tad corporate toady shitfaced one as well.
I am dancing a limbo with the Hoff for you right now.

P.S.: Sorry Mrs Campbell. I was a sterling young man never using words like the ones above. But then I discovered this blog. At least I can say I learnt a lot from Andy and your son. πŸ˜‰

Comment by Seb

Happy Birthday Mr Bell,

Hope you find the time to produce another Erasure album soon, with all this advertising work you are doing…

Comment by niko

Don’t worry Mum, Seb isn’t suggesting Andy is your son – he’s separating us out – which is relief for you and for me πŸ™‚

Comment by Robert

I like you Niko – you’re mad – but I really like you πŸ™‚

PS: And don’t encourage another Erasure album, get Vince Clarke back with Alison Moyet because even though I hated them, Yazoo were miles better.

Comment by Robert

Andy B blows everybody (out of the water) as the biggest gay icon of the 80’s, so let’s be nice Rob…

Comment by niko

Hello Niko, you realise Rob’s Andy’s surname also begins with a “B” so you still haven’t made it clear which one is the gay icon πŸ™‚

Comment by Jill


Strategic adding of a cherry maybe?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Happy 40th Andy! That ‘cake’ is a real classy treat I’ll just have to pass on. Thanks.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

A very Happy Birthday to you Andy, hope that you keep up this dirty old man thing.

Comment by Hari

you filthy fuckers, who do you think i am?

so thanks for the words but wheres the fucking money?

Comment by andy@cynic

In your numerous off-shore accounts.

Comment by John

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