Filed under: Comment
So today I was busy working away [ahem!] when a strange apparition came infront of me … an apparition that came in the form of an MSN Messenger notification.
And who was this annoying interruption coming from?
None other than GOD. Yes beardie-chops!
Anyway, he demanded [using rather poor spelling I should add] that I let him use my blog [supposedly because he’s got some Union issues over at his] so given I need all the karma points I can possibly get, it gives me great pleasure [and trepidation] to hand over the reigns for onetime and one-time-only, to his Godship …
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Dear Robert,
One of the many challenges of being God is managing all of your requests. I’m sure you can imagine that I do get rather a lot of them, so many in fact that I have to have Gabriel screen them and print off the ones marked ‘urgent’.
[This is a trick I picked up off another CEO who shall remain nameless but he knows who he is and I’m watching him very, very carefully]
Anyway, sometime yesterday afternoon, Gabriel came running in with the following request from one of your employees:
Dear Lord God Almighty,
It’s been two years now. Two years without a girl. Two years without love or even a little bit of slap and tickle.
That’s a long time for any young man, but I think tonight is going to be the night!
Please, dear God, make her like me. Please make her like my skinny arms with my skinny tattoos. Please let her want me to jump her bones [these were his words not mine].
If you do this for me I will be a good boy. Promise.
Well, I can inform you all now, that I move in mysterious ways and in my wisdom denied the request and I should point out to the young man in question that liars always get found out and fall straight into the burning pits of hell.
But seemingly not Billy!
So to everyone at cynic, we now have conclusive proof that Billy is pulling a fast one … which is the only thing he’ll ever be able to claim gets pulled.
Bad Billy … Bad, Bad, Bad Billy!
First I destroy Fred and now Billy’s – at this rate I could become the new Max Clifford!
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You absolute mother fucking evil bastard cocks.
Comment by Billy Whizz August 28, 2007 @ 8:03 pmAnd maybe she signed up with the devil rather than you God because I did get the prize. Oh yes, I got the prize many, many times. I fucking hate this blog, pick on Fred again.
i raise a glass to the evil fucking lord.
Comment by andy@cynic August 28, 2007 @ 8:03 pmcourse you did billy. in your dreams and her fucking nightmares.
Comment by andy@cynic August 28, 2007 @ 8:14 pmDO NOT TELL LIES BILLY.
Comment by God August 28, 2007 @ 8:24 pmOh Billy, what have you done? Or more precisely what haven’t you done. Jemma x
Comment by Jemma King August 28, 2007 @ 9:48 pmoh billy, you poor love.
if, in fact, what god said did happen, you could always go back to her and tell her this sad story of what the nasty god did. show her this blog, in all its written glory, so you don’t sound completely deranged and at least go for the pity-fuck. it’s not true love, but it might just be OK for consolation.
Comment by lauren August 29, 2007 @ 2:58 am🙂
Maybe I’m wrong Lauren but somehow I don’t think showing this post would have got me sympathy sex unless she is a total loser. Which she isn’t. Anyway I got the goods because I am a Love God, not the sad bastard you all are trying to make me out to be. Thank fuck everyone is going away, I can restore my shrinking self esteem. Bastards.
Comment by Billy Whizz August 29, 2007 @ 9:44 amLMAO!
Bstds. More blogs to look at.
I’ve just kissed goodbye to my life as it walked out the door…
Comment by Nim August 31, 2007 @ 2:17 am