The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Everybody Is Kung Fu Stupid … Tra La La La La
March 14, 2007, 8:14 am
Filed under: Comment

So yesterday Hari and I had the great pleasure of talking to Marcus via SKYPE’s video conference facilities … and even though we encountered the usual delay of their brilliant system … I still got to hear Marcus’ remarkably young voice coming out of his remarkably interesting looking head.

Ahem!

Anyway, because of the delay, we noticed any movement made looked like we were traveling at super-human-speeds … so for reasons I’m still quite unsure of, I found myself doing a full on, Asian Kung Fu movie reenactment for him – INCLUDING BAD LIP SYNCHING!!!

To make matters even worse / sadder … I even carried on when people walked into the room to find out what the hell I was doing.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS HOLD BROWN HAS OVER ME???? 

IS HE A WITCH … A WIZARD … A HYPNOTIST … A BASTARD????

So because I am rather alarmed at my behaviour … I have decided to publically shame myself in the vein hope it will have the same effect on me as my infamous ‘Denmark Boat Trip Flick’ – which stopped alcohol from ever passing my lips again AND THAT WAS BACK IN 1986!

Will this video suddenly stop me being such a prat? 

Lets be honest, it’s unlikely … but at least you may find it more enjoyable than my magic tricks, you miserable bunch of bastards! Ha.

So sit back, make yourselves comfortable, click on play and watch career suicide right infront of your eyes.

Did you enjoy that?  Did you???

Well because I am in such a generous mood, I have something even better, funnier and career limiting for you – oh yes I do.

OK so it’s quite old so some of you may have seen it … but this is a clip from an audition that [I think] Andy was holding for some mad ad he was casting years back.

There’s things I could say, but nothing – absolutely nothing – would do it justice. 

Without doubt, one of the funniest things I have ever seen – and I’m just greatful I wasn’t actually there, because if I was, I honestly think I’d of wet my pants.

Enjoy …


35 Comments

That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen but it does show you are slowly devolving into the “mad bastard” I used to work with. I hope it happens, I want others to experience the hell that working with you was 🙂

Comment by Pete

Pete, pls rest assured that Rob is still the “mad bastard” you used to work with. As of Monday this week, when I last saw Rob, there were no indications whatsoever that this is likely to change any time soon (God forbid!). To me, this Kung Fu antic clearly confirms that fact. (Hope this makes you feel better)

The second clip to me is the epitome of hubris in the most hilarious form possible. Attitudinally, this guy reminds me a lot about certain people in our agency. I do admire the guy’s determination thought as he tries to continue his routine in….eh…. bye-bye mode. That too reminds me of certain people in the agency actually.

Regarding the “Denmark Boat Trip Flick”….could somebody tell me:

1. How many copies are still in existence?

2. Who is in possession of this/these?

3. What would it take (in terms of time, money, threats, assaults and murder) to acquire one of these?

4. What’s the highest (obviously unsuccessful) bid made to date for any of the copies? (Even if the answer to this question is of academic value to me, given my status as a financial midget, I would still like to know)

Thanks

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

Help! the mad bastard is chasing me with a knife!!!!! Aggghhhhh.

Comment by onesmallvoice

Dear Freddie, I will remind you that you called your boss a ‘mad bastard’ when it’s the payrise time, ha!

And to answer your questions …

1. Two

2. Me and the bastard who filmed it.

3. George Bush and his merry men of killers.

4. Sex, Money, Drugs … put it this way, getting the Davinci Code was easier than it would be than getting this tape, ha! Maybe you could bring Indiana Jones out of retirement – I hear they are doing another film!!!

And careful of using words like ‘hubris’ because you could come across as one of ‘them’ – which you neither are nor would want to be, ha!

Comment by Rob

Where’s Hari … I want him to meet Mr Evil Knife

[Cue: Menacing Laugh]

Comment by Rob

YOU HAVE A COPY!!!!?????? You’re joking! I’m calling Jill right now.

I know it’s payrise time, that’s why I gave you the best compliment I could think of (second only to “aggressive thug”, which I’ll keep as my trump card).

Now I would rather jump off the edge of this building than becoming one of ‘them’, you know that. But with you displaying clear aspirations to become the Oprah of blogging (not that I mind given you’re both smarter and more entertaining than her) I do feel, however, you ought to let me continue to find intellectual alibi in words like ‘hubris’ without accusing me of heresy.

Have you found Hari yet?

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

Hari is lying in a pool of blood under my desk at this moment … so no use crying to him for help!

And if you really want a payrise [and lets face it, who wouldn’t!] you should NEVER call me the Oprah of blogging because you know how much I hate her!

However, if you want to call me the Jerry Springer of blogging [which isn’t that difficult given the people who write on this blog!] then maybe – just maybe – all will be forgiven, including your gratuitous use of wanky-intellectual words!

Hmmmmmn, I really am a bad business person aren’t I!

Comment by Rob

i was right, i do need drugs to get over this.

Comment by andy@cynic

Welcome to my World Andy … how do you think I felt seeing you vomit all over a new clients desk ON THE FIRST BLOODY MEETING!

Drugs? I needed medical bloody attention! Ha.

Comment by Rob

Calling you Jerry Springer automatically makes me white trash. But what the hell!

You are now officially the Jerry Springer of blogging (with some rather harmless oprahesque tendencies).

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

You’ve used the words ‘Jerry Springer’ so you are back in my good books. Well done, ha!

Comment by Robert

“i hope you like payyyne!”

Comment by Age

Age do you know where I can buy that ‘man on a pole’?

I too want to feel like I am a hard bastard.

Comment by Rob

Hang on … my man is on this ad … Andy, were you ever trying to sell some ‘man-on-a-pole’ product????

Comment by Rob

I am a bastard.
Morning.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Before I die, I must see that “Denmark Boat Trip Flick”. Dear God, Please!

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

You must track this film down if it takes the rest of time…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Yes, I must.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

What you need is bribery material. I shall call Mr Holmes…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i was young and needed the money.

Comment by andy@cynic

if i havent been able to get my grubby little hands on “that” video after knowing the bastard for 20 years, i doubt a bunch of fuckers who have known him for 2 minutes stand a chance.

but ill pay good money if you do.

Comment by andy@cynic

Us cats need to be fast as lightning…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I’m liking this dark place we’re in. Strong with the darkside Marcus is

Comment by NP

evil here isn’t it? Lovely.

Comment by Marcus Brown

Yes … evil at my bloomin’ expense.

This isn’t how it should be … I want to be King Of Evil, not the fucking court-jester everyone messes around with [but not in the ‘weird’ sense]

Hmmmmn, and my next post is hardly going to make things better …

Comment by Rob

Andy, what makes you think I (we) would want money for something that would bring an abundance of joy to my life by itself? I’ll just send you the youtube link and you can send me a thank you card if you want.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

i love people who are cheap. i wish you luck in your quest young fred

Comment by andy@cynic

I set myself up for it, didn’t I? I knew you – the Mammon of advertising – would jump at the cance. Ha.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

cance? what the fuck is cance? do you mean chance or maybe you mean cancer. a friendly word of advice, theres no room for dyslexic people in planning, sort yourself out.

and i thought rob had warned you on not using shit planner wank. mammon? for fucks sake.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thank you Andy …

He has been warned!

Comment by Rob

Thankfully, fat people seem to fit in almost everywhere.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

oh look at mr fred coming back with all his guns blazing. how proud rob must be his little boys are putting up a fight.

well its no fight boys because i am english and that beats sweden everyday.

fuck you mr ikea, im not fat, im just big boned.

Comment by andy@cynic

And again … play nice.

Comment by Rob

Not in football it doesn’t, not since 1968.

But you’ll be happy to know that I am officially obese (based on my length-weight ratio) with my BMI of 28,5.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

sadly thats a good fucking point.
and i am not obsese, you cheeky shit, but thats only because im in yankland and everyother bastard is the size of atlanta.

Comment by andy@cynic




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