The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I have just been subjected to one of the worst credit-card ads I have ever seen – and I have seen a hell of a lot!

In this commercial, a young man [naturally dressed to show he is ‘cool and successful’] is seen drooling over a Harley Davidson motorbike. 

After a short while, you see him reach into his pocket and whip out a platinum credit card to buy the machine.

However, in true advertising style, there’s a twist …

You see, the bike isn’t actually for the young man, he has bought it as a present for his wonderful Dad [who then looks a complete twat as he rides away on it]

Who writes shit like this? 

Actually, I know the answer to that, so the question should be … who believes this crap will actually work?  God help us … it’s pathetic, patronising and unbelievably sad.

People with Platinum credit cards have them for one purpose … to prove to themselves [and others who see them with it] that they are successful.

They don’t have an ‘emotional connection’ with the company behind the card, they just have an emotional connection with the prestige they believe the card gives them.

And why is that? I hear you ask …

Because in the big scheme of things, no one really likes banks. 

No they don’t … they are, like advertising, a necessary evil – and no amount of advertising is going to change that unless …

[A] Banks actually do something for customers [like the Bank Of America ‘Save Change’ program I mentioned in a previous entry] or  

[B] They are honest about who they are and what they do [Like the ‘Money Is The Root Of All Happiness’ campaign that – as luck would have it – I did for Egg!]

So here’s an ad I will produce as soon as I get a Credit Card client … and it won’t involve fantastic ‘customer-loyalty’ programmes, 24 hour ‘butler service’ or crappy, unrealistic, pseudo-emotional advertising.

1. Open on an urban city landscape bustling with thousands of people.

2. Out of the crowd, you spot a man walking with a certain swagger.  He looks pretty confident with himself and then you realise he is wearing a pair of trousers that has a crotch hanging between his knees.

3. Suddenly a Ferrari pulls up in frame. The camera zooms over the top of the car and takes a position just wide of the drivers door.

4. The door glides opens and a chiselled-jawed guy jump out.  He also is wearing a pair of the baggiest trousers you have ever seen … and yet he acts like nothing is wrong.

5. As the man strides into a nearby office building, a sophisticated business woman in a white trouser suit shuffles out. 

6. The camera zooms back and you see the woman is shuffling because the crotch from her trousers is so large, that it is hanging by her ankles.

7. Fade To Black.

8. SUPER: The Most Exclusive, Really Shiny Platinum Credit Card Is Here …

9. SUPER: Only Available For ‘Big Swinging Dicks’

http://horsehater.blogspot.com/

About as subtle-as-a-cucumber-down-a-pair-of-cycle-shorts … but probably more effective than the billions of ads that try and be smart and/or subtle which end up being ignored by approx. 97.36% of the population!

[Thanks – I think that’s what I mean – to Jonno @ Razor for sending this to me. And no, I don’t know why or how he found it, and I don’t think I want to ask!]

Here is another wonderful example where ‘promise’ doesn’t quite meet ‘reality’ …

Look at this colourful bus for Singaporean Shopping Centre, The Concourse. 

With pictures of balloons, teddies, masks, mobile phones, flowers – surely it’s a one-stop-shop for happiness!?  Hell, they even use the tagline, “Where The Celebration Begins!” – so it must be something really special. 

Maybe their smorgasbord of shops all have an atmosphere that embodies positivity and excitement – making it a place where retail therapy can occur even without buying a single item? WOW … that would be amazing.

So I get on the bus – all excited and bursting with anticipation – and happily head off to this Mecca of Shopping and Happiness.

10 minutes later, I come to this …

No … this photo was not taken early morning or late at night, it was taken at lunch time – a period where most shopping centres are overwhelmed with the bustle of people.  I guess in that respect, The Concourse Shopping Centre IS different from other locations because I counted 47 customers in the whole place!

Everyone was miserable, the choice of shops was unbelievably limited and the atmosphere was about as exciting as a Vasectomy Clinic Waiting Room. [allegedly!] 

In short, it was a cold, empty, sterile and bloody boring place where the only ‘celebration’ I experienced was when I saw the EXIT sign. 

When will companies learn that brand experience MUST meet brand promise in some way!  When?  From my perspective, one of the biggest dangers to business today is not R&D, distribution or marketing budgets … it’s when the ego of the company means they ignore consumers viewpoints and needs and simply say whatever they want to hear or believe. 

The Concourse Shopping Centre advertising is like a woman wearing a Wonderbra. 

On first glance, you think it promises the charms of ‘Dolly Parton’ but once you get to experience the ‘real thing’, you find out you’ve really got yourself a ‘Dakota Fanning!’  [Yes, that truly is the World’s Worst Analogy. Thank You!]