The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Controlling The Goodbyes …
August 5, 2015, 6:20 am
Filed under: Death, Mum & Dad, RIP

I recently read a letter in the Sunday Times from a man that wanted the right to die.

Death – as I have written about many times – is an incredibly complex issue but ‘death by choice’ is one, in the right circumstances, I wholeheartedly agree with.

What are the right circumstances?

Well, there are many … but for me, it revolves around the individuals ability to live a life of fulfilment and contentment.

Of course ‘fulfilment and contentment’ are very subjective things which is why I believe conversations must be had prior to any decision being made to ensure the person is fully aware of the alternatives and implications … however, if they believe the life they are going to live going forward robs them of all the joys they value in their life, then they should be allowed to let go.

I totally understand how hard this is for the family, but these are the moments you have to understand your feelings have to come second to the person going through it all, which is why as heartbroken as I still am about my Mum’s passing, I know she would have hated to endure the slow pain and constant complications that would have happened had she not attempted to have the operation.

That doesn’t make losing her any easier, but it means she was able to maintain her dignity and that to her was everything.

Anyway, read this letter, it gentle, beautiful and sad but with a message at the end that provides food for thought.

13 Comments so far
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The openness that you are able to express about such a deeply personal and painful time is amazing Robert. You might not realise it, but you have helped others come to terms with a subject that has previously always been kept in a dark corner of our minds. Your mum would be proud, but then she always way.
A big hug to you and Mr Whitecross.

Comment by George

Thanks mate. That’s lovely. To be honest, I’ve not done it to help anyone else, it was to help me because I saw what keeping things in did to me when my Dad died. That said, if my words have had a positive effect on how you look at this issue, then that makes me feel good. In a weird way, it’s a nice way to honour my folks.

Comment by Rob

very fucking occasionally auntie george gets it right. today is one of those rare as rocking horse shit days.

Comment by andy@cynic

and charles whitecross sounds a top gent. his last sentence is killer.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes. I hope he was able to find the peace he so obviously was craving.

Comment by Rob

I know the loss of your Mum still hurts hard, but the way you handled/handling her death, her legacy and her memory is inspiring and humbling especially when I compare it to how I handled my worst day.

Comment by DH

you twat. theres no best fucking practice to dealing with the shit you went through. you did fucking great, remember that.

Comment by andy@cynic

This is becoming like a 1990’s Oprah show.
(But Andy’s right about you Dboy)

Comment by Billy Whizz

Dave. Read what Andy said. He’s right. I hope you believe it.

Comment by Rob


Comment by DH

I agree with all the comments, the way you are handling yourself during such a challenging and sad time is worthy of the highest respect Robert. The same goes to you David.
As for the letter by Mr Whitecross. It is powerful and hopefully opens a conversation that is well overdue in many countries.

Comment by Lee Hill

Me too Lee. Me too.

Comment by Rob

the man is right. it’s his life. I think at 97 he should be allowed to do what he wants with it. Hell we all should.

Comment by judyt54

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