The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

And Now The End Is Near …
November 17, 2014, 6:10 am
Filed under: Comment, Fatherhood

So this week is the last week of this blog.

Probably not for ever, but it could be.

That might mean nothing to you [other than sheer, utter, relief], but to me it’s a big, big thing.

You see in the almost 9 years of writing this rubbish, it has given me a lot of stuff.

Not just an endless stream of headaches and insults … but also a bunch of new and clever friends … a load of interesting opinions and thoughts and even the occasional moment of delusional brilliance.

Not bad for something I started to simply give me 2 minutes a day to think about stuff that didn’t involve all the usual advertising bollocks you get caught up in.

But now, 9 years later, it might be time to hang up the keyboard.

Emphasis on ‘might’.

I should point out this is not because I’ve run out of things to say – because let’s be honest, I’ve been repeating the same 6 subjects for at least 7 years – but because in a couple of weeks, my son will be born.

Holy Fuck.

To be honest, I don’t know whether I’m ready.

And I certainly don’t know what to expect.

In some ways, I’ve only just come to terms with the fact it’s happening.

No, I’m being serious.

It was only when we actually created his bedroom did it start to sink in.

Before that, I could have easily conned myself into thinking my wife had simply been eating a lot of her amazing cakes.

But she hasn’t, she’s going to be delivering our first child.

Our son.

When I think about it, I become unbelievably emotional.

I was recently on a flight and a documentary called, ‘The Secret Life Of Children’ came on.

Within 2 minutes, I was sobbing.

Not out of fear [I think], but emotion … because despite knowing where babies come from for quite a long time now [allegedly!], only now do I really appreciate how amazing it all is.

Which has led to me facing a whole host of conflicting emotions and questions.

Will I be a good father?

Will I do the right thing?

Will I teach him what is important?

Just how messy will he make my/our obsessively tidy house?

It’s all a total head-fuck to be honest and that’s before I even think about the pressure of finalising a name for the little sod.

But what’s also interesting is what hasn’t really crossed my mind.

I never doubted Jill would be an amazing mother.

I’ve known that since the moment I met her.

But since we found out on April 1st, this fact has been reiterated to me every single day.

Quite frankly, I’m in awe of how she has handled this pregnancy.

Graceful. Calm. Radiant. Beautiful.

She has helped me understand what it really means when people say pregnant women ‘blossom’.

In the past, I used to think it was a euphemism for ‘get big’ … but it isn’t.

It’s not even a polite way of saying that their cheeks are flushed due to the increase in body temperature.

No, it’s more than that … it’s a change in how they are.

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you feel it is the final stage of their evolution … where the birth of a child makes them ‘whole’.

It’s weird, I can’t quite explain it but I do know that ‘blossom’ is the most perfect word to describe how they are.

The other thing that hasn’t really crossed my mind is his ‘health’.

Maybe I’m utterly stupid, but I am utterly confident he will be a healthy, bouncing, baby boy.

And yet I know scans can’t identify everything.

And I’ve seen friends go through terrible situations with their children.

But for some reason it has not crossed my mind.

Not once.

It could be because I don’t want to think about it.

It could be that having seen the pain that Andy and his wife went through with Bonnie [which thankfully all turned out well], I don’t want to invite any negativity in my head.

But I haven’t given it a second thought.

As I said, maybe that’s stupid.

Maybe I’m setting myself up for trouble in the future … but while I have given ample consideration to the legacy I want to give my son, I have not given any practical consideration to the state of his health.

With all the madness that has surrounded me – and us – with the impending birth of our first child, one thing has been a constant beacon of joy to me.

My Mum.

Seeing and hearing the excitement in her face and voice about her first grandchild has been wonderful.

To be honest, if I’d seen how happy it would make her, I’d of done it years ago.

But she never placed pressure on me to do it. She knew it was something we needed to decide, not something others could try and dictate.

And for that I thank her. Again.

So as we enter this final week, I apologise in advance for the sentimental tone of the subsequent 4 days of posts.

As I said, maybe this blog will continue at some point in the future – possibly with copious amounts of pictures of my little boy with statements about “how advanced he is for his age” – but if it doesn’t, I want to say thank you to all of you for absolutely everything.

Even the insults.

It’s been a pleasure.

46 Comments so far
Leave a comment

It’s because of the troll isn’t it?

Comment by John

How come that troll did it when we’ve been trying for years?

Comment by DH

Yes … Gerard Butler’s mother/sister have destroyed my ability to talk rubbish. Not because they intimidated me, but because he was better at it than me.

Comment by Rob

You clearly missed the essay/serial that appeared on your previous post.

Comment by John

Longer than a Rob post. I was scared.

Comment by DH

I hadn’t seen that. And I wish I hadn’t. What on earth are they doing on this blog?!!! Don’t they know what actually goes on here? Madness.

Comment by Rob

You haven’t said anything worthwhile in nine years, so why the fuck stop now? Start serious drinking before you change your first “nappy.” You will not believe what comes out of the little fuckers arse. Good luck… Seriously…

Comment by adscamgeorge

He will. It’s called a “planners creative brief.”

Comment by DH

I’ve had years of practice AdscamGeorge … it’s called a creative review. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Actually that’s wrong, it’s called “a social media guru’s presentation”.

Comment by Rob

As Robin Williams put it: “Two parts toxic waste to one part velcro.”

Comment by Ian Gee

There’s no way this is the last week of posting your rubbish. Give it 4 weeks and you’ll be writing rubbish like you’ve not been away. And if you don’t, it’s OK, I never came here for them anyway.

Comment by DH

who does? oh yes, fucking planner pete.

Comment by andy@cynic

Only on this blog could being interested in someone’s opinion be viewed as a crime.

Comment by Pete

Don’t do it Rob. I admire your reasoning behind it, but if ever you will need 2 minutes peace from all that is going on around you, it will be when your son is born. By all means have a rest, but come back.

Comment by George

It is a very nice post today by the way. Sweet, emotional and caring. You will be a fantastic dad.

Comment by George

the best thing about you becoming a dad is your fucking anal retentive tidiness will be destroyed in a fucking instant and soon you wont give a flying fuck if you pencil is 3.1 degrees off perfect perpendicular angle with the rest of your shit. well you will but you wont be able to do anything about it because the moment you fix it, the little bastard will come along and fuck it up again. and then hell smile a smile that could make a bulldog licking piss off a nettle melt and youll break and let them shit all over your life again and again because they will be the best thing you ever fucking do.

Comment by andy@cynic

but youre a fucking sweet bastard and you know why.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes, that is something I am petrified of Andy. And I wish I was joking.

Comment by Rob

like fuck this will be the last week of posts. i wont fucking let you. these pieces of shit might be pieces of shit but they let me know where the fuck you are in the world and thats the only thing that lets me sleep peacefully in my bed when i know youre on the other side of the fucking world and cant knock on my door with some hairbrained scheme you will try and con me into fucking doing. so stop with the threat of quitting. you fucking owe me.

Comment by andy@cynic

Jill looks wonderful and his bedroom is adorable. You are about to embark on a beautiful adventure, full of twists and turns but worth every moment. But please don’t stop the blog, George won’t know what to do with himself if he doesn’t receive his daily email informing him of a new post. Love to you, Jill and the cat. I’m very excited for you all.

Comment by Mary Bryant

mary has spoken and no fucker dares go against her. just ask auntie george.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

That is because my wife is always right. Always.

Comment by George

Anyway… Don’t you get thirty weeks holiday a year in China? So, you’ve got fuck all to do. Besides cleaning up all the shit and vomit. Ha… You have no fucking idea what you are in for, particularly when your poor wife is knackered, so you have to get up and feed the little fucker in the middle of the night.
Cheers/George “AdScam” Parker

Comment by adscamgeorge

This is a great post. I hope it’s not the last of this blog but I understand why it might be. I’ve enjoyed everything on here and it’s been a great way to stay in touch with old colleagues and new friends and I hope that continues when you’re up to your elbows in dirty nappies. I’m sure the lure of bragging about your sons advanced skills will be too much for you to stay away from here. I certainly hope it is.

Comment by Pete

An early christmas present, best ever. Thanks Rob.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Thanks Billy. This actually was my favourite comment of the lot. Ha.

Comment by Rob

This is not a good way to end my weekend Robert. I have faith you will be back, but it has been an enjoyable journey and the next one will be an even more enjoyable one for you.

Comment by Lee Hill

All the best for your family. Have really enjoyed reading your stuff. I reckon you’ll be back though – they’re a lot of fun but yeah you’ll need a ‘break’ on occasion!
Enjoy, and thank you

Comment by googlefast

Thank you Googlefast. We’ll see, but thank you.

Comment by Rob

You said you weren’t going to have any more holidays before you had 100 more holidays so you’re definitely going to be writing more posts. I hope you don’t prove me wrong. Your child will need some peace from you.

Comment by Wayne Green

Excellent back handed compliment there Wayne.

Comment by Rob

You are about to begin the most wonderful adventure, children are the best invention ever, just wait and see. all the best to the three of you.

Comment by Ciaran McCabe

this blog is your Queen, and you Rob.. you’re not John Deacon..

See you back in due time and can’t wait to hear the name you guys picked..

Comment by niko

Is that because John Deacon bowed out gracefully with his cash and enjoyed his life rather than make a public spectacle of himself trying to be relevant as he got older?

Damn you Niko.

PS: That name is in with a shot. I wanted Ziggy, but I’ve been told in no uncertain terms, that’s not happening.

Comment by Rob

In the deepest, darkest corner of the web, I found this blog. Although I rarely comment anymore, I’m still here, lurking and reading your nonsense and enjoying comments. It’s been a wonderful time and I’m sure they will continue in due course. If you think about it, many of the people who comment here, including myself, have moved on and become what they had always wanted to be. I got out of the shed, William is a planner (why anybody would want to be that is beyond me), Seb is CD up in Hamburg now and John Dodds has become a professional Twitter comedian. I’m sure there are many other examples. Children have been born, people have gotten married, divorced, married again.

I assume that, somewhere along the line, this blog was supposed to be about Advertising. For me, it was always about friendship, swearing and love.

Give my love to Jilly.

Don’t panic.

Love you, fella.

Comment by Marcus

Thanks Marcus, that’s really lovely.

You’re right, it was supposed to be about advertising – or the bits about advertising that were bad or great – but it changed and ended up, as you said, about life and I’m grateful for that because people like you are now in it.

Let’s see how it goes with the kid … if this blog does start again, maybe it will evolve from being about life to ‘how to cope when you feel a bloody idiot’.

Comment by Rob

You’ll be back – you’ll need something to do in the wee small hours when your little blessing can’t sleep, and won’t let you.

Can you type with one hand while you rock him in your other arm? Never mind, you’ll soon learn …

All the very best.

Comment by Ian Gee

He’ll have a gadget to do that.

Comment by DH

or hell get one of his poor fucking planner twats to do it for him.

Comment by andy@cynic

You will be sorely missed
I have grown to love this corner of the internet and the oddballs that congregate here.
A salute you for the amount the abuse you happily take.
For the wisdom you generously share, despite your attempts to disguise it amidst the posts about penis obsession etc.
Mostly, for being a friend, even if you don’t want to call it that.

I know you’ll be back though.

I hope so

Comment by Northern

They say women become mothers after finding out they are pregnant, and guys become dads after the child is born.
But let’s face it, with input from Mrs C and the lessons you’ve learned from your dad, you’re hardly going to be bad at it. I’m already jealous of the kid’s birthday cakes.

We’ll just consider this like one of those extended Chinese holidays where we think you’ve vanished – and then turn up again unexpectedly with a gigantic rant…

Comment by Rob (other one)

Also. Finding this blog, and the oddball band of people who commented within, was one of the key things that helped me finally get a job in planning, which after 5 years I still love doing. Through that it helped move to the other side of the world and experience a completely new country and amazing cities.

Comment by Rob (other one)

first off, congratulations, you’ve made it over the first hurdle.
youll be fine, and your wife will be fine.
the baby will do what he has to do to survive you and vice versa.

he will take from you–and his mom–what he needs to know,
and if not discard at least put away for awhile the stuff he hasnt a clue about until he gets older.

and the important thing that I learned from my parents: it isnt what they teach you about right or wrong, its what they do when they dont know you’re taking notes. My dad was, sadly, a shyster, a wheeler dealer, a bigot, an amazing story teller, and a liar on the best of days.
I kept the story teller and discarded the rest.

your son will do the same thing, taking what works for him and ignoring the rest.

enjoy. I truly mean that. It will change your life. But you already know that

Comment by judyt54

[…] those who don’t know what I’m happening about, it is best to learn here and […]

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