The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Why Doesn’t The Daily Mail Just Call Themselves Buzzfeed And Be Done With It?
October 30, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

The Daily Mail.

A newspaper that celebrates quality, balanced journalism.

A newspaper focused – and committed – to report on the issues that matter for their readers.

Or so they claim.

OK, so I admit they have broken some major stories in their time.

Stories that needed to be told but required major investigative journalism to be revealed.

Which makes it all the more sad they also have told stories like this – possibly the most pointless news story of all time.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a journalist there.

A journalist that actually studied the craft rather than got where they are because they posted some weird shit online a few times.

They must feel similar to someone who studied robotic engineering for 10 years in a bid to one day work at NASA and explore the Universe only to end up in the R&D department of a consumer products company where they spend their days creating crappy pretend-robot toys that are bought by 40+, sad bastard, men.

Like me.

But I digress.

So a while back – for reasons unknown – the powers-that-be at the Daily Mail decided to show the World they could scrape the barrel of news journalism to a whole new level. Or should I say depth.

For a couple of weeks – amongst all the stories of the Kardashian’s or the prejudiced bullshit they like to propagate – they ran some stories about people or animals that looked like people or animals from cartoons, regardless of the fact that:

1. They didn’t.
2. Who the fuck cares.

In all honesty, can anyone tell me who would give a damn about this or this?

OK, maybe 5 year olds … but seriously, what the hell were they thinking?

Fortunately they seemed to stop, no doubt acknowledging the damage it was doing to their credibility, let alone internal morale … and then, just when you thought sanity had prevailed, they put out this.

Yes, a cat who they say resemble Tom Selleck from his Magnum PI days … a TV show that stopped in 1988.


At a push, I could just about see why putting Disney look-a-likes in the paper could work … maybe a Mum or Dad would show it their kid in a bid to get them interested in the news [OK, I know that’s bollocks, but I’m trying] … but to put a picture of a cat that looks NOTHING like a television actor who last appeared in a show almost THREE DECADES ago, is insane.


Daily Mail, just admit you don’t give a damn about news.

Go on, do it.

Your goal is to be an ad revenue hub, where you role is to get as many audience numbers – regardless how superficial – as you can so you can sell them to brands and media agencies who claim to seek efficient, targeted, relevant and resonant channels for communication, but would sell their grandmothers lung for 10% more audience reach.

I appreciate publishing is in a terrible position.

I appreciate you have thousands of people in your employment that need a monthly salary.

I’m not knocking any of that.

But do you honestly think you can ever do a serious story again now the population of the planet views you – especially your online offering – as as the British equivalent of Buzzfeed?

Maybe the powers-that-be should have refered to Newton’s 3rd law before undertaking this ‘downmarket strategy’ … for every action there’s a reaction.

But maybe the powers-that-be only care about what happens while they’re there, because – like many brand managers and politicians – they know once they leave in a couple of years, it will be somebody else’s problem.

27 Comments so far
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We are not the target audience. Their valuable mouse click is hoarded with jealous, invoiced intent.

Comment by Henry, 3rd Earl Rawlinson.

But this means their audience are people who aren’t allowed out without an adult and have to wear a diaper at all times and all ages. Not very advertiser friendly. Except to adult diaper companies.

Comment by DH

I’m fine if the Daily Mail want to fill their channels with rubbish like this, but they should cease claiming they are a newspaper fighting for truth and justice then.

Comment by Pete

cease? who the fuck says cease anymore? what the fuck has happened to you.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s the modern version of the funnies page/cartoon section.

Comment by John

youre not the fucking target audience on this shithole either henry iii but it didnt stop you coming along did it.

Comment by andy@cynic

I loved Magnum PI.

Mr Higgins. Apollo and Zeus, the guard dog dobermans. The red Ferrari. Which gives me the expert status to say that cat looks nothing like Tom Selleck.

Comment by DH

what you mean is you really fucking loved magnum pi. you dirty fucking pervert. never had a long term girlfriend did he. wonder why. my guess is crabs but its only a fucking guess.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by John

With its massive ears and bad moustache marking, it looks more like Hitler than Selleck. Come on daily mail, give me a job.

Comment by DH

Well spotted. (I think)

Comment by Pete

Cats that look like Hitler is a totally different meme:

I think the Mail is bravely trying to break new ground here with ‘Selleckat’ …

Comment by Ian Gee

You will find this article on the dark practices of modern “journalism” then Rob.

Comment by Pete

Jesus, I knew it was bad … I just didn’t realise it was that bad. And people criticise the BBC!!!

Comment by Rob

They say you should never trust anything you read on the internet. They might just mean this blog.

Comment by Wayne Green

The real fault lies with the general public and the societal infrastructures that create their lack of taste and erudition. We all mourn the halcyon days of The Nottingham Advertiser.

Comment by John

isnt that the paper that was stolen from the letterbox before any fucker could read it? by the way, youre sounding like alain de butthead more and more each day.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by John

Anyway, I’m bored with this post and think you should watch this piece of communication

Comment by John

I have just discovered the Daily Mail’s business model.

1. Demand the cheapest content to fill their website.

2. Make interns scout the net to find some loose visual connection between a person/object and a famous person/object.

3. Write a headline like they have just uncovered Watergate.


4. Take the photo of the person/object … link it to a totally different – and equally loosely visually connected – person/object and run the whole bloody story again.

5. Watch me click on it then write a rabid blog post about their evilness. Which no one hears or cares about. Damn.

Have a look at this:


Comment by Rob

spot the saddest motherfucker in sad motherfuckerland

Comment by andy@cynic

This is the reason I call them the Daily Fail.

Comment by George

look at mr tough. they must be fucking shitting themselves.

Comment by andy@cynic

It’s the Metro I hate to be honest

Comment by Northern

first world fucking problems eh, groper.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by Northern

[…] this hard to believe given they’ve printed such gems as how to get the Kim Kardashian look or the cat that looks like Tom Selleck or the lion that looks like a cartoon lion or, not forgetting, z-grade reality star almost steps […]

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