The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

You can tell he’s cool because he’s wearing a hat.

And his shirt is untucked and unbuttoned.

And he is bare foot.

He’s staring up towards the sky with a look of awe on his face.

You don’t know what he’s looking at, but it’s got to be something amazing.

He’s too cool to be impressed by any old rubbish.

Next to him is a cello.

Yes, a cello.

For reasons I’m not able to fathom, this musical instrument is able to stand perfectly straight without anything – or anyone – holding it.

Oh, and it’s also translucent.

Yes, you can’t get much cooler than that.

Next to the cello is a massively big woman in her underwear.

Seriously, she’s huge.

Maybe he’s a midget, but I’m pretty sure she’s super-tall.

But she’s not on the beach, she’s kind-of in a nondescript place.

I hope it’s somewhere warm because she could get a terrible cold.

She’s looking wistfully in the distance. As if she dreams of one day meeting a man on the beach who has a translucent cello.

You think I’m on drugs don’t you!

Or at least had too many cough sweets and got drunk on the minuscule alcohol content they hold.

Don’t laugh, that’s actually happened to me.

But no I’m not.

I’m not even overly-tired.

I have just described the utter bollocks of a Japanese lingerie brands ad running in HK.

I don’t know if a Hong Kong agency created it or if they are just running it there, but apart from a few exceptions [mainly people, but a couple of agencies] … it reminds me why I once described that place – in terms of adland, not the culture – as the big ideas ghost town.

Look at it.

What the fuck it is trying to say?

I have no idea, but what I’m fairly certain of – especially given the brand is named ‘Bon Luxe’ – is they’re desperately trying to appear ‘sophisticated’.

The cello.

The beach.

The hunk.

The woman.

The Eurasian heritage of the models. [because god forbid any pure Asian appears in the ads!]

The pompous ‘passions for perfection’ line.

The fake french ‘good luxury’ name.

It all smacks of some blinkered brand manager who doesn’t know the difference between natural and contrived.

Maybe someone should tell them the quickest way to look cheap and tacky is to try and fake sophistication.

And before anyone slags me off, a woman sent me this ad and she basically said what I’ve just ranted about for far too long.

And for the record, she’s hideously attractive so it’s not jealousy.

Plus she works for Tiffany, so she’s sophistication personified.

Annnnd – to put the cherry on top of the perfect life – she is married to a bloody race car driver.

No, I have no idea why she’s friends with me, but that aside … if she thinks it’s pants, then I think it’s fair to say I certainly can as well … so there.

God that was a long winded rant wasn’t it.

Well at least it’s Friday.