The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Make Monday Matter …
March 24, 2014, 6:15 am
Filed under: Comment

So it’s Monday.


Another week of drama and bullshit.

Sat in your little beige cubicle.

Look up.

Look around.

Do you see what I see?

Yes, it’s a sea of beige, miserable faces shuffling between their desk and the photocopier machine.

Wouldn’t it be great if your life wasn’t like this.

That you had a day filled with energy, excitement and edge-of-the-seat nervousness.

Well, I’m going to make that wish come true.

No, honestly I am.

All you have to do is get out your credit card to buy your loved one a gift … a gift they will receive next Monday, so that you can have a start of the week like no other.

And what is this gift, I hear you cry?

It’s simply the most bad-taste, unromantic-pretending-to-be-romantic thing you will ever see and they will ever receive.

What I’m talking about is this:




And I thought those skinny leather ties from the 1980’s were bad.

Yes, I know some of the people that come to this rubbish weren’t even born then, but trust me, it’s true.

Unsurprisingly, I saw this ad in one of my heavy metal music magazines.

I love heavy metal, but even I must admit in terms of ‘fashion’, the genre lacks a certain something. Ahem.

Anyway, back to my promise.

Simply purchase this leather rose to be delivered to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend next Monday and I assure you, this time next week you won’t be sat in your cubicle wishing your life would end, you’ll be running from a crazed loved one, wishing your life wasn’t about to end.

You can thank me later.

Have a toptastic week.

20 Comments so far
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I was going to ask where you found this stuff but then you told me. Reassuring to know that even in nottingham this sort of thing is viewed as nasty. Evolution hits everyone and everything at some point I guess.

Comment by DH

Though a man who wears army surplus shirts, queen tees and Birkenstocks is not the best placed person to comment on what is/isn’t fashionable.

Comment by DH

I’ll have you know I haven’t worn an army shirt for ages. Of course, that’s because I’ve replaced them with KISS t-shirts, but at least I’m not predictable.

Comment by Rob

You always wear shit. That’s predictable.

Comment by Billy Whizz

now i know what to send the exes on the anniversary they finally fucked off and left me in pieces and peace. or i would if i wasnt already paying them a fucking fortune for doing fuck all. lawyers. cant divorce without them, cant shoot them when youve finished with them.

Comment by andy@cynic

Why are you getting worked up about Monday’s? You only work about 10 a year. Monday’s AdScam will feature Keira Knightley’s tiny tits.

Comment by adscamgeorge

And George scores for the win.

Comment by DH

Always does. Though bringing out Keira is a low blow because she’d beat everything.

Comment by Rob

Seeing a photo of you in a tie would be so cute. Receiving leather flowers, would not.

Jemma x

Comment by Jemma King

good news, billy cant afford them for you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Jemma! How are you? Trust me, me in a grey, slim leather tie would not be cute, it would be all kinds of utter, utter horrible. I know, I have the photo from aged 10.

Comment by Rob

Do not panic… Yes, “Tiny Tits” Keira will make an appearance on Monday, ‘Cos apparently she says FUCK more than I do! But Fridays will always belong to Kate, preferably nude and sitting on the toilet. And yes, Hitler will make his usual Wednesday sign in. See how I look after you fuckers.

Comment by adscamgeorge

You’re the original bad Santa.

Comment by Rob

Unfortunately, I don’t have a cubicle, a credit card or anyone to send that to.

Comment by John

stop your fucking whining, that sounds like heaven in my fucking book.

Comment by andy@cynic

He’ll complain he’s not from nottingham next.

Comment by DH

You work in a beige cubicle?

Comment by northern

I’ve just asked Sarah what she would do if I bought her a bunch of those leather flowers and she told me she would karate chop me in the windpipe. It seems this doesn’t so much says it with flowers but swears it with flowers.

Comment by Pete

Why is it all the comment dudes chicks marry beneath them?

Comment by Billy Whizz

In your case, they don’t even do that.

Comment by Pete

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