The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Again.

Another week of drama and bullshit.

Sat in your little beige cubicle.

Look up.

Look around.

Do you see what I see?

Yes, it’s a sea of beige, miserable faces shuffling between their desk and the photocopier machine.

Wouldn’t it be great if your life wasn’t like this.

That you had a day filled with energy, excitement and edge-of-the-seat nervousness.

Well, I’m going to make that wish come true.

No, honestly I am.

All you have to do is get out your credit card to buy your loved one a gift … a gift they will receive next Monday, so that you can have a start of the week like no other.

And what is this gift, I hear you cry?

It’s simply the most bad-taste, unromantic-pretending-to-be-romantic thing you will ever see and they will ever receive.

What I’m talking about is this:

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?

And I thought those skinny leather ties from the 1980’s were bad.

Yes, I know some of the people that come to this rubbish weren’t even born then, but trust me, it’s true.

Unsurprisingly, I saw this ad in one of my heavy metal music magazines.

I love heavy metal, but even I must admit in terms of ‘fashion’, the genre lacks a certain something. Ahem.

Anyway, back to my promise.

Simply purchase this leather rose to be delivered to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend next Monday and I assure you, this time next week you won’t be sat in your cubicle wishing your life would end, you’ll be running from a crazed loved one, wishing your life wasn’t about to end.

You can thank me later.