The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Yes, within 30 days of 2014, I am already getting a national holiday.

China rocks.

Because you are going to be free from my rubbish till Valentines Day, I thought I’d leave you with a post so mind numbingly awful, you will truly appreciate every single day you don’t have to come along here and read my rubbish simply because you have some sadomasochistic instincts that stem from a dark chapter in your life you have erased from your conscious memory.

Or something.

I know what you’re thinking, how on earth could I write something even more mind numbingly awful than the usual mind numbingly awful stuff I write. Well the answer is this:

To most people, the above image would mean little to you other than the fact there are a packet of chips that have a stupid name and have been made to resemble the ghosts in Pacman.

Actually who am I kidding, to most people, the words ‘Pacman’ would mean nothing because you’re all so bloody young.

However to the 5 fools who regularly come on here to abuse me, this image would be an outrage.

Yes, an outrage.

Because Monster Munch aren’t ‘cute characters’ … they’re ugly claws of explosive and – to some – disgustingly strong flavours.

This is what Monster Munch should be:

That’s right … crisps you can’t ignore … packaging you can’t ignore … flavours you can’t ignore and E-numbers your heart wishes it could ignore.

Forget all this cute impostor nonsense, Monster Munch are a taste sensation for the culinary insane and any attempt to persuade people otherwise should be treated as an act of war.

WAR.

What next, Halloween starts being about fancy-dress rather than ghosts and Listerine starts coming in flavours that actually don’t taste like your mouth is having an acid bath?

Oh shit, I’m too late … no wonder the World’s gone mad and society is piss weak.

With that, I’m going to attempt to ‘reset’ the World – or at least the World of Monster Munch – by leaving you with an ad from 1978 … which should not only highlight how wonderfully horrific these original Monster Munch are, but how grateful you should be that you don’t have to read any more of this blog for almost 2 weeks.

Ta-ra.