Filed under: Comment
Look, I know this blog isn’t exactly the most high-brow blog on the planet.
Compared to stuff by Martin or Paul or Northern or even Doddsy, it’s Vauxhall Conference league.
And then, when you take into account the standard of comments, it ends up looking like a pub team from Slough.
However … and it’s a big however … that still doesn’t explain some of the weird ‘searches’ that people use to somehow get to this blog.
“Weird?” I hear you say.
Yes, weird. Fucking weird.
Cop a load of this …
+ Wheres Wally Rude
+ How To Make Big Fuck
+ Massive Cock Death
+ Harry Potter Loves Dick
+ Reset Bottom
+ Fuckmeauntie
+ Michelle Obama Butt
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
It’s disturbing enough that there is a ‘sexual’ element that runs through all of them, but how the hell do searches like ‘Harry Potter Loves Dick’, ‘Michelle Obama Butt’ and ‘Fuckmeauntie’ end up at my blog???
What bloody posts have I written that the Google algorithm felt was appropriate for some sicko’s search request to link to?
Christ, I can’t imagine how utterly disappointed these people – sorry, I mean perverts – felt, when they ended up on this site.
Imagine looking for some ‘celebrity’ impersonator porn and coming across my face.
Hmmmmn, ‘coming across my face’ was probably not the best choice of words there, was it.
So to the Nottinghamshire Police, if you would like your city to stop being the most dangerous place – per capita – in Europe, ditch the ‘bobby on the beat’ and just get your handcuffs out for anyone who visits this den of depravity … by the look of what’s going on, you’ll improve your crime clean-up rates by about 1000%.
32 Comments so far
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Wait, Nottingham have Police?
Comment by Billy Whizz November 11, 2013 @ 6:19 amThe Michelle Obama butt search might be because of me.
Comment by Billy Whizz November 11, 2013 @ 6:20 amThere’s no bigger crime than the posts on this blog. It’s grievous bodily harm and brain cell theft rolled in to one.
Comment by DH November 11, 2013 @ 6:31 am“Coming across my face” has just guaranteed another 1000 accidental visitors to this blog.
Comment by DH November 11, 2013 @ 6:33 amyouve out an image in my head that breaches the geneva fucking convention on human rights. bastard.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 6:56 amIf anything proves society are not the neatly packaged, logically minded individuals that brands and focus groups like to present, it is these search enquiries.
With Wally and Harry Potter, there appears to be a fictional character fetish subculture that I never knew existed. To be truthful, I would prefer I’d never found out about it.
Comment by Pete November 11, 2013 @ 6:48 amyoure either a fucking prude or a naive dumbass. how the fuck you ended up working with us is beyond me.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 6:54 amI believe I was a missionary in a past life so I may have been trying to save your souls. If true, I failed terribly.
Comment by Pete November 11, 2013 @ 7:09 amNo missionary would ever become a planner.
Comment by DH November 11, 2013 @ 7:21 amThank you for turning this into a planner post Pete. I thought my post-rationalisation chops were good, but you have just shown you operate at a whole other level.
Comment by Rob November 11, 2013 @ 8:14 ammaybe its all being done by the same fucking pervert. imagine how fucked off he/she (but probably a he) must be when they always end up at this fucking blog. they must think this blog is a perv urge stopping boomerang.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 7:02 amunless they have ended up here so often they get off on it. no one can be that fucking twisted can they? then people did vote for palin. im going for an acid shower, i feel disfuckingusting.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 7:04 amInsomnia cure.
Comment by John November 11, 2013 @ 7:04 amRule 34
Comment by Ian Gee November 11, 2013 @ 8:10 amIntentionally or otherwise, this blog may attract the most diverse audience on the internet.
Comment by George November 11, 2013 @ 8:49 amI thought some of the searches that brought strangers to this blog were some of the weirdest thing on the internet.
As usual, I was wrong.
Why?
Because of this:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3JhgupA_pg#t=68]
Comment by Rob November 11, 2013 @ 9:06 amwhat the fucking fuck is that.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 9:12 amand ill go there and pretend to be a planner twat and ask why the fuck did it happen.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 9:13 amWow, that video must have really blown your mind.
Comment by Rob November 11, 2013 @ 9:23 amHow do you find these things Robert?
Comment by Lee Hill November 11, 2013 @ 9:15 ambecause this is what he has convinced uncle dan is work.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 9:19 amThat is the video equivalent of a Dali painting. Crazy and amazing at the same time.
Comment by Pete November 11, 2013 @ 9:21 amI’ve just found out what this is all about and it’s almost as weird as the video: http://tinyurl.com/k6w7ljr
Comment by Rob November 11, 2013 @ 9:23 amevil fucking genius.
Comment by andy@cynic November 11, 2013 @ 9:49 amExcept he got caught. Ha.
Comment by Rob November 11, 2013 @ 12:09 pmMore three year old videos – you are the James Blunt of blogging.
Comment by John November 11, 2013 @ 8:22 pmThat’s an improvement on his usual stuff.
Comment by DH November 11, 2013 @ 9:02 pmFrom now on John, you will be known as the Youtube Oracle.
Comment by DH November 11, 2013 @ 9:03 pmJohn is so cutting edge he makes Lady Gaga look retro.
Comment by Bazza November 11, 2013 @ 9:31 pmYou may mock all you like – but you won’t be laughing when the “cutting edge” stories/videos that I’ve recently sent him end up on this blog.
Comment by John November 11, 2013 @ 11:32 pmThe problem is Rob will wait 3 years until he posts them.
Comment by Bazza November 12, 2013 @ 4:14 amWe can only hope that’s true.
Comment by John November 12, 2013 @ 7:17 am