The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

There’s A Fine Line Between Being Seen As Inclusive And Wanting To Run Away From Your Twattydom …
May 30, 2013, 6:10 am
Filed under: Crap Campaigns In History

Imagine you’re the CEO of a thriving travel firm … say Tumi.

Business is good.

You’re respected.

You’re viewed as being professional to the core.

Your image is one that competitors and companies alike, all hold in the highest regard.

Now imagine you’re the CEO of an financial services organisation.

Despite the ‘little dramas’ of the past few years, business is good.

You know you still have to work to do on ensuring mass respect, but you figure that by being consistently professional, your image will dramatically improve and you will soon get back your title as one of the best in the business and financial World’s.

Now imagine both CEO’s are having dinner together.

It’s a pleasant little bistro somewhere in Europe. Possibly Zurich.

Now imagine an advertising executive has joined them.

They’re having a lovely time … chatting, sipping wine, eating overly-expensive pieces of meat.

Within a few hours, they have covered an incredible array of subjects … from favourite holiday destinations to how they can reduce their marketing expenditure to what happened in last nights episode of ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’.

Suddenly, out of nowhere and at precisely the same time, both CEO’s have an aneurism.

One second they’re chatting about their families and business, next they’re slumped in their chairs gurgling like a baby.

The ad exec – sensing his chance to make a name for himself – immediately loosens their ties, gives them glasses of water, calls an ambulance and then gets them to sign a piece of paper.

That piece of paper is a contract … a contract for him and him alone to do all their advertising … a contract that promises he will reduce their advertising expenditure by finding a way to do communication that jointly promotes their individual companies … a contract that states reducing their marketing costs is more important than maintaining their image of integrity and professionalism.

Maybe this is all a figment of my imagination, but how else can you explain this:

25 Comments so far
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you know what campbell, this is when i like you. or will put up with you.

leave all that nicey nice shit to auntie, youre a much better human fucking being when youre the petty, petchulent, snarky bastard that you used to always be.

Comment by andy@cynic

The good old days.

Comment by DH

Trust me it’s never gone, just ask my colleagues.

Comment by Rob

Poor bastards.

Comment by Billy Whizz

and those fucking suitcases on those 3 twats heads contain all the fucking cash theyve just charged that tumi twat for giving him bullshit advice.

Comment by andy@cynic

What on earth were they thinking. Oh that’s right, they weren’t were they.

Comment by Pete

Agree completely – in the time they spent dining they could apparently have devised an entire marketing strategy.

Comment by John

dont you just fucking hate it when we agree with campbell on something. thank fuck it happens less than a visit from hayleys fucking comet.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by John

I have a suspicion this is a private joke between the Tumi and Credit Suisse CEO’s. The sort of thing that comes about after too many drinks and cigars in the private members room of some stuffy gentlemans club where members are free to be as sexist and depraved as they like because the waiting staff will always turn a blind eye. Where CEO Tumi and CEO Credit Suisse backslap each other for their hilarious exploits and then concoct this “idea” as something that will give untold hours of amusement to their respective companies senior members. It’s terrible and rightfully shamed Robert.

Comment by George

and i sure as fucking shit like you a lot more when youre like this. what the fuck got in to you? jealous that i was being nice to campbell? upset i called you auntie fucking florence nightingale? why the fuck werent you this manipulatable when we worked together.

Comment by andy@cynic

I live for your approval.

Comment by George

Rightfully shamed? You’ve just done an awesome job of it all by yourself while shedding your nice guy image at the same time. Double value executional magic.

Or something.

Comment by Rob

Well done Rob. You’ve finally written a post that I’ve actually read and don’t feel dirty about for doing. Bankers might be an easy target but you did well with it.

Comment by DH

Are those 3 people with suitcases on their heads pretending to be sherpas? Typical bankers, always taking someone’s job.

Comment by Bazza

At least they didn’t make any indian bankers appear in the ad which shows they may have a teensy bit of self awareness and maturity.

Comment by DH

And they only used 1 woman instead of 3.

Comment by DH

But instead of showing a lack of prejudice about race or gender roles, it could be because they think successful bankers are always be white and that it’s a male dominated society.

Does this make me a planner?

Comment by DH

it makes you sound like a twat. so yes you fucking do.

Comment by andy@cynic

It doesn’t make you a planner, but it makes you an ex-colleague of cynic.

Comment by Rob

You really have to despair for the Swiss. Seven hundred years of democracy and all they’ve given us is the cuckoo clock and the numbered bank account.

Comment by Ian Gee

They also facilitated – and gave shelter – to countless criminals and nazi’s … but they don’t like talking about that.

Comment by Rob

And the cuckoo clock isn’t even a Swiss invention, it’s German.

Comment by John

So’s Switzerland really. Boom Tish.

Comment by Rob

Apart from the parts where they speak French.

Comment by John

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