The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

International ‘Don’t Fuck Off The Lady’ Day …
February 14, 2012, 6:00 am
Filed under: Comment

So today is Valentines Day … that special day where men are guilt-tripped into spending copious amounts of cash on overpriced cards, flowers, chocolates, dinners as a public statement of ‘I LOVE YOU”.

Seriously, it’s almost insulting that companies think a woman could be so easily won over by some dropkick boyfriend simply because he sent her a card.

Isn’t that basically corporate sexism?


I’ve written a lot about how much this day pisses me off [like this one] however I recently came across something that made me think men are starting to fight back.

See that card?

Well it’s a range of Valentine’s Day cards from Asda supermarket that cost 7 pence each.


That’s even less than Billy spends on wooing his lady-friends.

But even better than that, they’ve gone and placed their name right on the front of the card.

I don’t know about you, but nothing says “I Love You” like a 7 pence Valentine’s Day card, made out of the cheapest paper possible with the name of a ‘every day low price’ supermarket plastered on the front.

But that’s the genius of it.

Because at the end of the day, a 7 pence Valentine’s Day card is still a Valentine’s Day card and for a woman, that is still ten thousand times better than having nothing at all … which is why I can’t help but feel the person behind this bit of evil genius was a man.

I should point out my hatred of Valentine’s Day is not because I think expressing your emotions is weak … far from it … I hate Valentine’s Day because it has fuck all to do with love and all to do with fear which is why I subscribe to the view that ‘real love’ is all about telling – and showing – what that special person means to you, each and every day.

Well, that’s my excuse to Jill and I’m sticking with it.

42 Comments so far
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I’d spend 7 pence of your limey currency on a girl. But she’d have to be a cert.

It must make Jill so happy to read this on the day of love. Casanova eat your heart out.

Comment by Billy Whizz

This is one of those posts that gets you karate chopped in the windpipe if you so much as even smile at it. I know you Rob, you wrote this post for some women’s militant group to help them spot which men need avoiding, kicking or marrying.

Comment by DH

He’s a sellout.
He’s half italian.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Good point Dave. I almost showed this to Sarah before I came to my married man senses. Or I should say, married man without a valentines day card for tomorrow senses.

Comment by Pete

Or you really are the bravest married man in the World.

Comment by DH

Though I noted you hedged your bets with your last paragraph.

Probably the smartest move you’ve ever made.

Comment by DH

I’m not entirely stupid Dave …

Besides, I surprised Jill this morning by saying I’d got her a Valentine’s card.

Holding the envelope in my hand, she looked at me with happy eyes before saying,

“That’s a letter from the bank isn’t it?”

It was.

It was funny when it was in my head … it just sort-of lost all the amusement when it came into the real World. You’d think I’d know that by now.

Comment by Rob

Are you still talking about the bank letter?

Comment by John


Comment by andy@cynic

When did you start writing for FHM magazine?

Comment by Pete

you saved yourself campbell. i was worried youd write some mills & boon shit but no, you came through with slagging of the biggest rip off since planning. how the fuck you can stay married to that babe when i got fucked over by 2 women for doing absolutely fuck all is beyond my fucking comprehension.

whoever fucking came up with the 7p card, i fucking salute your evil genius. and campbell, ill say this only once, but half decent insight spotting there.

Comment by andy@cynic

thinking about it, doing fuck all is probably why they divorced me. that and the fact they still would be able to stay married to my fucking bank account.

Comment by andy@cynic

7p is so fucking cheap. even 1p chews cost £1 these days. its a definite fucking pisstake by asda which makes it more fucking genius.

Comment by andy@cynic

talking of asda, do you remember when you took that girl to their “restaurant” for a valentines dinner campbell? and she was all dressed up thinking she was going somewhere fancy fucking pants. that relationship didnt last long did it. not even to the shit food front door as i fucking remember it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Did he really?

Comment by Pete

oh fucking yes.

mr nice wasnt mr fucking nice back in his england days. or any fucking days now i come to think about it.

Comment by andy@cynic

You can never say another word about my dating chops Campbell.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Rob. What were you thinking? That’s awful, the poor woman.

Comment by Pete

i give a lifestyle to 2 women they could only dream about and get fucked over. campbell wants to take a bird for a 79p supermarket dinner and he marries a hot babe who actually seems to like him.

if that doesnt prove hes in league with the devil, nothing fucking does.

Comment by andy@cynic

and hes a fucking planner.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s not entirely true is it Andy.

OK, so yes … I did once take a girl to the Asda cafe.

And yes … I did sort of give the impression we were going to somewhere nice.

BUT I DID NOT DO IT ON VALENTINE’S DAY. I know that sort of ruins your story, but I thought I’d try and scramble some crumbs of self respect out of this very sorry and misguided moment in my life.

It hasn’t worked has it!

Comment by Rob

I won’t ruin your boys little delusion club except to say I know most of the wives/girlfriends of the people who comment here and every one of you men better be making every day feel like valentines day because we’re the best thing you’ll ever have in your lives. You know it. We know it. Our families know it. The world know it.

Robert, if Andrew is not causing mischief and you really took a woman to a food store restaurant, then you should be very ashamed of yourself.

Comment by Mary Bryant

Very wise of George to not comment on here. You could learn a lot from him. Or you’re wives/girlfriends could. Have fun boys, I know you’re all attentive, loving men away from this blog. You wouldn’t dare be anything else.

Comment by Mary Bryant

trust a woman to ruin all our fucking fun. and we know were lucky mary, you all tell us 20 times a fucking day.

Comment by andy@cynic

and of course the campbell unromance dinner story is true. would i try and stir shit for no possibly good fucking reason? im hurt and disappointed by your unprovoked attack.

Comment by andy@cynic

and how come you no me so fucking well and have more insight than all the planner boys put together.

Comment by andy@cynic

That’s easy Andrew, I’m a woman.

Comment by Mary Bryant

i fucking walked into that.

george, i have new found respect for your survival skills.

mary, dinner is on us on saturday. when i say us, i mean george obviously.

Comment by andy@cynic

The women have infiltrated this blog.
Our comments can be read.
Run for your lives.

Comment by DH

Thanks for putting us all in our place Mary.

Comment by Rob

Since their press release of Feb 3 announced that they’d already “sold out everywhere”, I’d suggest that their existence was as mythical as Billy’s lady-friends

Comment by John

thats even better, theyre toying with men and woman afuckinglike. beat that fucking tescos.

Comment by andy@cynic

and billys chicks are real. he just has to pay them by the fucking hour to hang around.

Comment by andy@cynic

That card has “not getting any” written all over it. Smart price. Quality not guaranteed. Results most definitely not.

Comment by Andrea

you mean you put out when some fucker sends you a card that costs over a couple of quid? where the fuck were your sort when i was younger.

Comment by andy@cynic

amazing video.

Comment by lolo

today i went to dantist and she told me that i will need to tear out one tooth which i use to chew the food, the one in the end of mouth. the saddest valentines day of my life.

Comment by toto

Not a fan of valentines day this year…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Valentines day, the most wasteful rip off since Media Arts

Comment by northern

thats a bit fucking low groper, media arts is a much bigger fucking rip off, waste of fucking space than valentines day.

Comment by andy@cynic

Am I the only one that remembers this piss take?

Comment by Adey

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