The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

We live in wonderful times.

Sure we’re still in the midst of a financial crisis [not that you’d know from the way certain people and industries are behaving] but for many around the World, they’ve literally never had it so good.

Of course I acknowledge there are many, many millions of people who are suffering – suffering in the most terrible and inhumane of ways – but for many, especially those in Western markets, the life they lead is the sort of thing their forefathers would classify as heaven.

But are they happy?

Well depending on the report you subscribe too, you could say they’re certainly not as happy as their everyday situation deserves but then, with so many having grown up in a society of general stability and affluence [even if it is interms of facilities and opportunities] is it any surprise that they don’t realise how fortunate they are.

But here’s the issue.

If we don’t address this entitlement inflation, we may end up in a situation where society either starts turning on itself or simply grinds to a halt.

OK, so that’s a bit dramatic – there will always be people who will ensure things ‘carry on’ – however if society continues to move forward without any frame of reference of hardship, suffering or togetherness, then we may end up with a population whose fickle behaviour and attitude will only be of benefit to marketers.

War changes everything.

Everything.

Yes, I know we are all witnesses to that with Iraq, but we are passive observers.

The people living it are the people who are really learning from it.

Sure, there is the danger that some of the things they’re learning could lead to potentially terrible future consequences, but I doubt their concern is to ensure they have the new iPad or changing their job because they think they deserve more money even though they’ve only been there 6 months.

I appreciate this sounds – at best – like I’m advocating a strategy of fear or – at worst – world war, but I’m not … especially compared to the way some organisations and governments embrace this thinking to contain and control.

My point is if we only keep looking forward and either ignore – or glamorize – the pain, terror and tragedies of the past, then we may end up producing the sort of society our fathers, mothers and grandparents fought against … a society that doesn’t just produce selfishness, but meglamania.

Seriously, if it’s not some Hollywood star selling their cred for a treasure chest of golden nuggets, it’s a local television company pimping out their z-grade ‘celebratories’ because they can more cash from that than any amount of zzzzzz-grade content they could churn out.

However one thing that is common to both is that when a celebratory is used, they are glammed up and airbrushed to within an inch of their life.

Of course, they’ve not exactly been hit with the ugly stick in the first place but even then, the brands who use them DEMAND their ‘stars’ are as exceptional as is physically possible because not only do they think it adds ‘aspirationl hence …

[No, it’s not the Queen Mum, it’s Nicole Kidman]

… ends up looking like this …

… or this …

I swear-to-god, I bet that even I could be made half decent if some madman decided they wanted me to be the face of their brand.

Or then again …

Anyway, the reason I say this is because I recently saw an exception to this rule, an exception sooooooooooo extreme that either the celebratory involved was either signed up while he was drunk, or is currently in the process of being sued.

The person in question is Chinese basketball legend, Yao Ming.

Yao Ming isn’t just one of China’s best-known athletes but because he plays in the NBA with the Houston Rockets [not to mention he’s the tallest player in the NBA], he’s also one of the best known athletes in the USA.

Given his high profile [it’s claimed he’s been the richest celebratory in China for the past 6 years] it’s little surprise that the Chinese Government view him as some sort of ‘poster child’ for their country, which is why his image rights are so carefully – and closely – protected … which makes it all the more strange that no one connected to him felt it was worth pointing out that in this ad campaign for Chinese GPS technology company, UniStrong, he looks like some drunken, bloated, half-asleep, jetlagged Chinese magician.

How bad is that?

Seriously, how bad is that!

Hell, with the little quiff, he could easily be mistaken for a bad Elvis impersonator … and I’m talking ‘Elvis’ a few days before the dying-on-the-toilet phase.

Now as Hugh Grant has shown, bad decisions need not mean bad career [or in his case, maybe it does] but I am shocked that Yao Ming and his advisors let this go … mind you, if my 375,000 RMB investment in UniStrong had turned in 75,000,000 RMB in little over 3 years, maybe I wouldn’t give a fuck how I looked either.

I’m not talking about the truly bizarre stuff, I’m talking about things like senior planner, planning director & global planning director.

OK, so in theory those titles should be quite simple to work out, however there are some agencies that have 10 planning directors IN THE SAME OFFICE and then there’s the companies who have so many ‘global planning directors’ in their organisation that you wonder who ultimately makes any decisions in the place.

To be fair, often these ‘Planning Directors and Global Planning Directors’ titles are given out because it’s for a specific account, rather than running the agency department/company – however you’d be amazed how often the people-in-question conveniently forget to mention that fact.

I remember once meeting a guy who had just moved to Asia to be the regional head of his agency.

I asked him if he’d ever been to Asia to which he replied,

“Of course, I used to be the global head”.

What he actually meant was that he’d been the global head on a particular piece of business so to fuck him off, I replied by saying:

“Wow, so this must be a massive demotion then”.

We’ve not talked since.

In the old days, it all seemed so much easier.

Job hierarchy went something like this …

Assistant Planner [though in my case, they called me “SPONGE”]
Planner
Planning Director

That’s it.

3 levels.

And here’s the thing, in terms of ‘planning director’, they’d be one.

ONE.

OK, on some occasion, maybe two … however there weren’t millions of them and the planners beneath them weren’t pissy about it because the person at the top was always seriously good … like super, super, seriously good … and not only would they be learning shitloads from them, but they’d be developing work that was helping make such an impact they’d be rewarded by the company as they – and their clients – valued their input highly.

Yes, that’s right – planners weren’t just fee justifiers or nonsense powerpoint writers – they did stuff and were recognised for it. Amazing eh?

Alright, so in some uber-big there may have been more than 1 or 2 Planning Directors … but I was working for an independent agency with one office in one country and so roles covering multiple regions or global didn’t just not exist, but weren’t even in my frame of reference.

The other thing that was different was that the time it took to get from level 1 to level 3 tended to be measured in the decades, not in months.

Alright, that might have more to do with my ability [or inability as the case may be] but that still doesn’t escape the fact I’m meeting more and more people who are called ‘senior planners’ after about a year of work, it’s madness.

Now I should point out I don’t believe people should be evaluated by their ‘time on the job’ … infact, I think that’s a shit criteria because ultimately ability, contribution and action are the most important factors … however I do hope this title inflation continues because ultimately I think it could end up being a good thing for the industry.

Why?

Hope you all had a toptastic Christmas and an alcoholic new year.

I had a disgustingly awesome one with the sorts of pressies I thought you only got when you were about 15 years of age.

That’s a good thing incase you were wondering.

Anyway, it’s the new year … a time where hopes and dreams are at a high, where all those things you aspire to achieve are firmly in focus, or they would be if the BBC didn’t put out fucking state-the-obvious headlines like this:

Seriously, I had such high hopes for this year and then in a moment of lazy headline, I realise 2011 is a year of the same shit, just a different digit.

Now I know what you’re thinking …

“But Elton could have adopted a baby so by saying a surrogate, the BBC are being informative”

… but bollocks to that, not just because it ruins my argument, but because last week I had to endure the pain of listening to someone from a certain WPP owned media company, say the sort of ‘no-shit-Sherlock’ bollocks that makes me want to kill.

At one point, they actually said – and with an air of pompous superiority – that “young Asian women think it’s important to look nice”.

Fuck me, hold the front page.

To piss him off, I did ask him ‘why he thought young Asian women thought it was important to look nice’, to which he said …

“Because it makes them feel good about themselves.”

Seriously, how I didn’t hit him I do not know – though I did manage to ask him [admittedly in a spiteful tone] whether he thought ‘that was the only reason’, to which he just muttered some more nonsensical bollocks and moved on.

These people make me ill.

They’re the sort of idiot that still thinks an insight is spouting what people do rather than why they do/think it or they’re the sort of tosser who read Asian Yang and believed it because they were so desperate to appear intellectual, common sense not only left them, but packed up their belongings … ordered a removal truck … saw a divorce lawyer and emigrated to some far and distant land.

They are also the sorts of people who use a single quote in their powerpoint deck and expect their audience to regard that as undeniable proof that what they’re saying is not just right, but sheer bloody genius.

These people make me ill.

Actually they don’t.

They make me want to kill.

And given I’ve had the best rest from work that I’ve had in maybe the last 7 or 8 years … there’s a chance that next time, I will.