The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Is This A Perfect Example Of Lovemarks?
October 11, 2010, 6:25 am
Filed under: Comment

So I was Mr New-Age-Man and shopping at the local supermarket when I came across this:

Given it features a woman suggestively biting a massive pseudo cock shaped chili while wearing underwear that has flames coming out her crotch, it would be easy to mistake this leaflet for promoting a night of spice with a dirty bint rather than a tanning salon, but I’m guessing that’s the point, especially when you remember that in Asia, ‘having a tan’ has certain negative cultural cues.

But the thing that really gets me is that the headline promises ‘a perfect golden tan in just minutes’ and then they say each session lasts 20 minutes.

Sorry to come across all John Dodds like, but isn’t 20 minutes quite different to mere minutes?

So what is it SunFX … does it take 20 mins to get a tan or just a couple and if the latter, do the remaining 18 get taken up with a hand job from some flame-wearing babe with spicy hands and a fondness for placing phalic vegetables in her mouth?

You’re not getting a penny from me till I know the facts.


33 Comments

yeah this was worth the fucking wait. insight. wit. opinion. imagine how fucking great it would be if this post had just one of those. at least it means youre back at work which makes me happy and then i remember you do nothing and get paid a fucking fortune for it and i want to kill myself.

as for the fucking leaflet, if the woman sucking on the chilli was the woman youd actually get, then it would be a highly fucking effective form of communication but apart from her pants warning you shes got cylmidia, in the flesh and with the lights on shes more likely to look like you in a dress than some dusky maiden with a weird fucking fascination with rubbing raw fucking food against her face but then you already know that dont you campbell given youve been on “holiday” for 700 years and your wifes away.

Comment by andy@cynic

In my culture, flames coming out of one’s underpants carries “certain negative cultural cues.”

Comment by Fernando

She’s pissing razor blades out of her crotch, even Tiger Woods would think twice before popping that. He’d still do it though.

Comment by Billy Whizz

tiger would tap a fucking hole in a plastic bag. as long as it had a face like a dropped pie and worked in porn and looked like theyd use it for their own career gain. golf: a game for twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

And is “golden tan” code for she’ll shit on you?

Tiger would definitely tap that.

Comment by Billy Whizz

as if you wouldnt have a fucking go billy, you know beggars cant be fucking choosers.

besides, you would only last 2 seconds so you wouldnt feel a thing and even if you did, the hot poker effect might add to the overall sensation. get your arse over to commieland and have a firey hot massage, you know you want to. and say hi to campbell and dodds when youre there. fucking perverts.

Comment by andy@cynic

Will do. You know me so well Yoda.

Comment by Billy Whizz

you mean ruggedly handsome, taller, cleverer and not fucking green yoda dont you billy. say yes or ‘the force’ comes and smashes your fucking teeth right out your mouth.

Comment by andy@cynic

Didn’t think I had to say, it’s that obvious.

Comment by Billy Whizz

i made that mistake with wives #1 and #2 so when it fucking concerns me, i want it all in black and fucking white.

Comment by andy@cynic

“Sooth your weary bones with our STD ladies. For a night you’ll never forget”

Welcome back Rob, you’ve been missed.

Comment by Pete

God, straight back into the banter – that’s quite a skill – you didn’t even need a day or two to warm up to get back into it.

Sadly I love the cylmidia comment, which means this week has already started with me feeling bad about myself.

Good news though Andy … whilst I am indeed back at the job where I get paid to do no work [as you put it] you’ll find out tomorrow that your ability to feel slightly smug about that will be ripped away before it has a chance to truly settle in.

Which makes me happy.

It’s sort-of nice to be back, I’d still rather be on holidays – but reading this tangentish abuse makes me feel all warm inside. And no, it’s not because I had a chili massage while the wife was away.

Didn’t see the leaflet in time. Boom Tish.

Comment by Rob

tell me youre not fucking coming to see me again. tell me campbell before this piece of rope goes around my neck and i get the wife to kick the chair away.

Comment by andy@cynic

So you’re saying you’ll kill yourself if I don’t confirm or deny that I’ll be in your vicinity in the next 48 hours or so?

Cool. My lips are sealed.

Can I have your leather chair?

Comment by Rob

you evil miserable fuck.

wont do it now. but youre not fucking coming again are you? thats fucking grounds for a declaration of war. or moving to n korea.

Comment by andy@cynic

You’ll have to wait to find out tomorrow won’t you.

Comment by Rob

wanker.

Comment by andy@cynic

Sticks & stones Andy. Sticks & stones …

[That is not a challenge to you to get some rocks either]

Comment by Rob

thats what you fucking think.

Comment by andy@cynic

given the tacky symbolism and ridiculous use of a skinny, out-of-proportion, FMH garbage model to sell sex to women, this was probably originally an australian ad; with chinese text added to save money and make it a ‘global’ campaign.

Comment by lauren

Berlin is good for you …

Comment by Rob

because it’s made me even MORE cynical? my mother will be so pleased 🙂

Comment by lauren

Yep. Your mothers loss is the rest of the World’s gain.

Comment by Rob

By the way, the angle of the models legs is apparently very appealing to men. Whether that was intentional is open to debate, but a psychiatrist I met told me that that ‘look’ conveys vulnerability and men find that attractive [on a subliminal level] because it makes them feel strong & dominant.

The end.

Comment by Rob

did he also say the flames are actually part of a subliminal rorschach test? 😛

Comment by peggy

btw, interesting he said this position would make women look vulnerable (i.e. weak?) since this is quite a stable position to sit. more stable and strong than crossed legs i think. on a subliminal level, maybe its the shape the legs form? its like an arrow pointing to the crotch. so it might be more about being sexually charged than just about being strong and such? anyway. what do i know… im not a psychiatrist. just a bit of a sceptic.

Comment by peggy

You sound like David Brent in The Office Christmas Special Peggy – where he talked about breasts appealing to men because they look like buttocks.

I can’t believe I just wrote that.

Comment by Rob

why not. you did 🙂

i hadnt seen the scene before. its hilarious.

women are fixated on men, and busy sending out signals. all subliminally, of course. its the male gaze.

Comment by peggy

So what we’re basically saying is flirting is in the eye of the sex pest. Ha.

Comment by Rob

As the dull Kings of Leon would say, her sex is on fire

Comment by northern

Welcome back… I daren’t say anything more the way this post is going

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Thank’s Rob … it’s kind of comforting to know we can all be away and then slot right back into where we left off. Even if where we left off is not the sort of place normal people would want to be seen dead in – let alone come back for another portion of abuse.

Comment by Rob

so campbell, got firey cock off ms cylmidia yet?

Comment by andy@cynic




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