The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Ad Standards Don’t Mean Business Standard.
September 29, 2010, 6:25 am
Filed under: Comment

This really is my last post till I come back from the hols, however following yesterday’s rather serious topic, I thought I’d lighten the mood with some of the worst photoshop I’ve seen since that Microsoft Poland thing of last year.

Have a look at this:

Seriously, is the talent in this ad from another planet?

Before I get to the most obvious element – let’s start with her legs.

Now I’ve heard the phrase ‘legs that go on for miles’, but this is ridiculous.

And judging how short her skirt is – and the fact her thighs still seem about an hour away from meeting – it would appear that her vagina is located somewhere near her breasts, which is quite convenient for any man who is rather lazy in their lovemaking approach.

But let’s get to the hand.

That great big, blokey looking hand.

What’s going on with that then eh?

If I wanted to be positive, I’d say maybe it’s because her right arm is the length of Mr Tickle’s so she can hold that note about 3 miles ahead of the rest of her body or that she had an illness that resulted in her hand being bigger than her actual head however as I don’t do positive very much, let’s just settle for the fact it’s bullshit photoshop approved by a client who is either blind or doesn’t actually give a damn about standards and just cares about getting a message put out there.

The irony of this devil-may-care approach is that I ended up noticing an ad that I would probably otherwise have missed, but let’s not focus on that or I could bring the whole advertising house-of-cards down in a heap.

But here’s the point …

The standards that adland [supposedly] holds dear often doesn’t reflect the standards or needs of clients.

Whereas we can spend days getting something ‘just right’, we have clients that ‘just want the thing put out’.

Of course we have to balance the 2 because when approached in the right way and for the right reasons, high standards can result in higher profits, but all too often I sit in despair as agencies say they need 9 months to make a television ad when people in other industries can build stadiums or start new businesses in that time.

Adland – as the guys at Goodby’s so eloquently put it – is ‘art serving capitalism’, so whilst it is important to always fight to maintain high standards, if you forget your goal is also to “serve capitalism” then you only have yourself to blame if you end up producing ads that feature women with excessively long arms, big hands and vaginas located somewhere above their belly button. [Which isn’t actually normal Billy, just incase you were wondering]


57 Comments so far
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bet she gives a fucking mean handjob.

Comment by andy@cynic

do you think mr fucking tickle and vaginas have ever been mentioned in the same fucking subject before?

i could part some pearls of fucking wisdom in support of this post about the need to look at briefs through the clients lens not just the agencies “lets make a fucking awesome spot. in paris” headspace but im going to see billy instead and stop the fucker crying because youve destroyed his sex cred in one evil fucking comment. excellent work campbell.

Comment by andy@cynic

This is shocking to me Rob, I always thought the vagina was underneath the nose.

Comment by Billy Whizz

That’s not bad photoshop, it’s just terrible art direction. Putting that and Billy’s sexploits aside, I like this post because it serves as a good reminder why we’re hired by companies and why we’ve been able to piss them off, though why some think they are qualified to treat us as a production company for their self developed and judged “amazing ideas” is anyone’s guess.

I certainly don’t subscribe to the view all clients are stupid but I must admit to getting incensed when I meet one who dismisses our relevant and carefully crafted ideas for something they want even though it is bad and doesn’t address the business issue they keep telling us is the key to answering the brief.

As much as agencies are often accused of not focusing on their clients business needs, in my experience this is a claim that can be thrown right back at many brand and marketing managers.

Comment by Pete

brought back bad memories of microsoft did it? dont worry pete, you work with the nice nerdy fucks now.

nice? maybe nicer is a better choice of word. oh im such a fucking wit.

Comment by andy@cynic

I don’t know what you’re talking about. 🙂

Comment by Pete

Without going into too much detail, I experienced that nightmare just a week or so ago.

I thought those days were over when we started cynic but then I remembered I was in a different situation these days so when it happened, I tried to remain calm … I really did … but then I succumbed because holding in the disgust and anger I was feeling was starting to be damaging to my health – especially when they said their strategy/idea/execution was right despite [1] the facts they were basing it on were tenuous to say the least [2] it made no sense economically both interms of investment and potential return on investment and [3] they cleverly ignored the majority of their data because it proved what they were doing – and what they had been doing – was of no interest to their audience in the slightest.

To be fair they took it quite well, but then one of my colleagues displayed Andyesque subtleties and really rubbed their nose in it, hence I’d better enjoy this holiday because when I’m back, the shit and the fan are going to be best mates.

But you know what, I quite like the fact I’m getting to “re-educate/re-program” certain people, it takes me back to the good ol’ days … though I know they won’t be feeling the same, at least until they’ve seen what we can do for them once they stop thinking they know it all.

Cue Evil Laugh.

Comment by Rob

andyesque? you mean he or she lamped the fucker then when they were lying on the floor battered and bleeding shouted “never. try. that. fucking. shit. again.”?

i like that w+k mob a little bit more.

Comment by andy@cynic

My heart goes out to that client, it would be like sticking your head in a 747 engine on full thrust. But congratulations to you Rob for managing to restrain yourself from an immediate attack, even holding back for 0.6s would be quite an achievement for you.

Comment by Pete

It can’t be that bad, they’ve just asked to join my LinkedIn bollocks.

Comment by Rob

you mean in the nose because its the only place you can get a snug fucking fit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Bastard.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Too late, cards all over the floor. It’s an attention-grabbing hand and as an ad for medical malpractice insurance it works well.

Comment by John

attention grabbing hand? did you come up with this shit dodds? sounds like the sort of planner rationalised bollocks a client might lap up. a retarded client, but still a fucking client.

Comment by andy@cynic

I learned it all here.

Comment by John

saying you learnt anything, even how to be fucking shit, here is another black mark against your name.

Comment by andy@cynic

they can go next to your avo and make a pretty fucking picture.

Comment by andy@cynic

there is something disturbingly ‘even cowgirls get the blues’ about this whole thing. even the bit about her vagina being up near her breasts – poor dear.

Comment by lauren

but that was when uma was good, this is shit in every way. except for handjob fantasies. handjob fantasies for freaks who like the idea of being wanked off by a steroid ridden wrestlers fist.

Comment by andy@cynic

you boys don’t need crap ads like this to have handjob fantasies, so that makes it all shit.

Comment by lauren

arsenio is on twitter. the real fucking arsenio..motherfucker is tweting fron Hallywood..no wonder eddy dumps his ass. speaking of eddy, that ladyboy ad is right up his halley…

Comment by niko

I love how these posts command far more commentary than ones like yesterday, where I’m trying to make a serious point. Mind you, I think there’s a serious point in this post but only Pete has been bothered to comment on it, which is why he gets a Christmas card from me and the rest of you can bugger off.

Oh, I got an SMS from a certain ‘regular’ on this blog [who can pay me big $’s for keeping his name from you all] that states:

“Small handed women make men look bigger”

I wouldn’t know John, I wouldn’t know …

Oops!

Comment by Rob

dont give me all that “wouldnt know” shit. we all know thats the reason you moved to fucking asia but i must admit im confused why you ended up marrying an aussie canadian.

Comment by andy@cynic

i know. because she was the only one who was affected by your brainwashing.

Comment by andy@cynic

though the clever money is on her being a scientist and shes studying sad twats for the c i fucking a.

Comment by andy@cynic

and if dodds did say that, then my respect for his perverted sad fuck tendencies has reached record highs. and thats a compliment if you were wondering.

Comment by andy@cynic

Thanks. Very touching, I’m sure Jill will be ecstatic to hear this.

Comment by Rob

nothing is as bad as being known as rob campbells better half.

Comment by andy@cynic

Good point.

Comment by Rob

Despite this post trailing off into name calling and musings on wanking, the original point was a good one.
There’s too many people in this business who think they’re here to make entertainment, to which I say, fuck off and do stand-up.
The problem with photoshop and lots of lovely digital gizmos is that not enough creatives do scamps and stuff, which means they think they can cover up lost of holes in their thinking with beautiful art direction that looks finished.
A creative director I won’t name once had the gall to tell me that a campaign idea was really strong because of it’s art direction. That was the creative idea..actually it was a paroady of an old ad style which is as original as calling Dodds a pervert.
Come to think of it, planners fall for this too, you know, the ironic pictures and charts in presentations being the focus rather than what you’re saying. Write the damned script first – even better, write a log line for you presentation, THEN make it look nice.

Comment by northern

You’re right about planners NP, the amount who write documents without a point, let alone an understanding of the real issue that needs to be addressed is astounding.

Creativity starts with the mind, not Youtube/Photoshop or Powerpoint.

Comment by Rob

Just goes to show it’s pointless trying to cultivate a personal brand online. It’s always the rest of the world who determines how you’re perceived. Bastards.

Comment by John

But don’t they say all publicity is good publicity?

Shows what they know eh!

Comment by Rob

It’s Bayonetta…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

art serving capitalism. looking at this ad, its more like ridiculing it 🙂

Comment by peggy

capitalism fucking art more like. and biology. wankers.

Comment by andy@cynic

Now that’s an insight.

PS: @Andy … about to do what I told you I was going to do. You should hear a scream in about 15 mins. Oh, and don’t worry, there is no more posts now, well not till Oct – you’re not that lucky.

Comment by Rob

its about fucking time you made me a little proud of you. enjoy every twist of the fucking knife you sick, evil, vengeful fuck.

and dont come back to see me. go piss off some other bastard youve sponged off, theyll be plenty of the fuckers.

Comment by andy@cynic

fuck me you didnt write another post. thank fuck for that. now stay on that side of the fucking world.

Comment by andy@cynic

Consider it my birthday pressie to you. For the next 40 years.

Comment by Rob

Ta-ta for now everyone.

Comment by The Kaiser

enjoy your journey marcus. as they say, der weg ist das ziel. good luck!

Comment by peggy

Gute Reise!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Thank you my lovely one’s.

Comment by The Kaiser

Achtung Marcus

Comment by northern

You should have come with me.

Comment by The Kaiser

I know, as it happens I’m struck down with a chest infection but the principle stands

Comment by northern

auf fucking wiedersehen my blistered footed brother of evil.

Comment by andy@cynic

Cock. When I come back I’m going to be in one evil fucking mood. Take care Boucher – see you on the other side.

Comment by The Kaiser

I kind of like it. This is the very example that proves to us how literal both Chinese clients and audience can get. We’d prob sell more products if our ads turn out like that.

Comment by Charinee

Can’t wait for your next review Charinee …

Comment by Rob

are you still doing fuck all campbell? come back soon, not because ive missed this shitty blog but because it helps me relax knowing youre not going to knock on my fucking door and bore me fucking rigid.

Comment by andy@cynic

Apart from buying Daleks you mean?

Comment by Rob

Daleks?

Comment by northern

I might have accidently-on-purpose bought an original BBC Dalek.

Of course, now I have the issue of getting it to China – not just in terms of the huge cost to ship it, but in convincing the customs officers it’s not some Western weapon of mass destruction.

Me and my impulsive nature.

Comment by Rob

and your totally fucked taste. except in business partners and women.

Comment by andy@cynic

They’ll be fine, the chinese government and the Daleks have a lot in common
Come to think of it, so has Sir Sorrell

Comment by northern




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