Filed under: Comment
A long time ago there was a show called ‘The Newlyweds Game’ [in the UK, it was ‘Mr & Mrs’] which took young married couples, separated them and then individually asked them a bunch of similar questions about their partners habits and views in a bid to see how compatible they were.
Of course
So W+K have this thing where newbies have to give a 3 min preso of their life to the rest of the office – after which, someone paints a portrait of you that reflects all the things that have been shown/said.
As you are all people who have known me for quite a while, I thought I’d see how well you know me by putting up my preso and asking what you think particular slides [or each slide as I know you’re not busy] mean.
Come on – let’s see what you’re made of – even though I am sure the desire to take the piss will counter any sensible observation you may/may not make.
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apart from slide 12 where you finally fucking admit you love yourself, the rest of the presentation is dedicated to you saying youre a cock in a lot of different ways. never thought you had it in you but thats quite a fucking concise presentation.
by the way, page 7 and 15 are two of the fucking scariest images ive ever seen especially 15. paul will be over the fucking moon youve thrown him under the bus for a cheap laugh in an attempt to ingratiate yourself with your new colleagues which wont work because theyll see what youve done and think you cant be trusted. theyre right but its a move i totally fucking endorse.
now go and carry on upsetting the w+k applecart, it makes me happy to hear youre causing them fear.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:20 amand slide 19 gives me the fucking spooks too.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:21 amWorks well in both directions.
Comment by Chris August 19, 2010 @ 6:23 amha!!
in reverse, ‘who i want to be’ > ‘image of paul with head covered in nylon stocking’.
brilliant.
Comment by lauren August 19, 2010 @ 6:35 amactually, scrap that. it’s ‘who i am’ > ‘gimp mask’. even better.
Comment by lauren August 19, 2010 @ 6:37 amchris is a sicker fuck than me. that is the highest fucking accolade i can give.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:40 amgenius!
Comment by Age August 19, 2010 @ 8:15 amMy eyes. My fucking eyes.
Comment by Billy Whizz August 19, 2010 @ 6:24 amHow many people thought your slide 6 was attacking one of China’s preeminent universities. Sort of backfired on you didn’t it Rob.
Slide 15 actually makes slide 7 look OK. That is how bad slide 15 is and you are the worst best friend of best friends. Funny though and it’s all about the humor isn’t it.
Comment by Bazza August 19, 2010 @ 6:26 amyou fucking show off nerdy twat. were you the kid in that hsbc bollocks from yesterday baz? same size. fuck, same hair.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:29 amVery droll in a very undroll way.
Comment by Bazza August 19, 2010 @ 7:00 amjust realised even presentations about your fucking self are basically presentations youve used in the past with a couple of fucking minor changes. you are the most fucking efficient (read ‘lazy’) fucker ive ever met.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:31 amno wonder all your briefs had the same prop “brand x gets you laid”.
Good point Andy, the presentation does feel rather familiar but not as much as that proposition. 🙂
Comment by Pete August 19, 2010 @ 7:05 amof course its a good point, you just have to see the name in red associated with it to realise that.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 7:06 amSo I’m guessing you hate Paul but he didn’t tell you to fuck off after you questioned his sexuality and then wrote about your love for his cock on this blog so you decided you’d do this. You wimpy bastard.
Comment by Billy Whizz August 19, 2010 @ 6:35 amand because hes such a sick fuck, he did that full page ad for his 40th to lull the poor schmuck into a false sense of friendship security. thats like murderers who administer some medical help to their victims to keep them alive for longer so they can prolong the fear and torture. maybe campbell isnt so bad afterfuckingall.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:39 ami didn’t quite understand the hand cuffs or the view from space (where no one can hear you scream). but in reverse, they’re also quite creepy.
Comment by lauren August 19, 2010 @ 6:36 amthe handcuffs are either hes a kinky fuck which doesnt bear thinking about or the fact hes been arrested more times than a leeds utd fan. as for the view from space, im guessing hes finally admitting his ideas dont suit planet earth. that or he has a face like a fucking alien.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:43 amThe reverse comment is inspired. Terribly scary, but inspired.
Robert, your Mum, wife and cat look lovely. As for the rest? Ummmm..
PS/ Do you still have those jeans from slide 7?
Comment by George August 19, 2010 @ 6:46 amif he does he sure as shit wouldnt be able to fit in them again.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:48 amWhat this presentation tells me is you have a lot of cartoons of yourself.
Comment by DH August 19, 2010 @ 6:47 amremember when quentin tarantino said ‘top gun’ had a gay subtext running through the whole movie, well i think this does the same.
slide#
4 likes dressing up in green fucking tights
5 loves rugged men that play with balls
7 loves hanging out with cliche gay types. wearing cheap s&m gear.
8 wants to be with all the men in the world
9 handcuffing them to his bed
10 while he is dressed as a fucking angel
11 loves himself and the bloke who looks like him on the rhs of the pic
12 is partial to a spot of bestiality. but preferably with a male cat
13 hes felt this way as a kid
14 his idea of a romantic night out
19 he dreams of a sex change so he can be with men more easily
basically campbell came out the closet to his workmates. i want to congratulate you at this momentous fucking time campbell but also commiserate with you because jill is going to take you to the fucking cleaners and if shes too nice to do that (she is a charitable person, she married you) ill fucking do it myself.
last question, did you always want me when you sat opposite me? it must of been so fucking hard for you to keep your composure. smart move though.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 6:57 amVery funny Andy, but not as funny as Chris’ comment. 🙂
Comment by Bazza August 19, 2010 @ 6:59 amdont you fucking think i know that baz? but chris was going for humour (its spelt with a fucking ‘u’ baz, deal with it) while i am all about the fucking journalism and integrity.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 7:07 amAfter reading through all the brilliant comments, I think the wish you made in your last sentence of this post has come true.
Comment by Pete August 19, 2010 @ 7:09 amconsider it a birthday present from all of us campbell, though you werent exactly fucking subtle with what you wanted. only child syndrome.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 7:10 amYep … as expected.
Comment by Rob August 19, 2010 @ 7:58 amWhen will you learn Robert, but the reverse version of the presentation is very humorous,
Comment by Mary Bryant August 19, 2010 @ 8:25 amThanks Mary … when even you kick me when I’m down, I know I’m in trouble.
Comment by Rob August 19, 2010 @ 8:26 amYou didn’t even use the words ‘don’t get me wrong’ or ‘hell’
This isn’t the Robert I know.
Comment by Charles Frith August 19, 2010 @ 9:57 amDon’t get me wrong Charles, I wanted too. Hell, it’s part of my writing DNA.
Better?
Comment by Rob August 19, 2010 @ 10:06 amThe space slide is a classic bit of wankery.
Comment by New High Score August 19, 2010 @ 12:22 pmJust the space slide? That’s very generous [and misguided] indeed.
Comment by Rob August 19, 2010 @ 2:19 pmInteresting overview. Disturbing images.
Comment by Lee Hill August 19, 2010 @ 4:56 pmSo it appears Lee … so it appears.
Comment by Rob August 19, 2010 @ 5:59 pmStill love that picture of your Mum at your wedding. That is all
Comment by northern August 19, 2010 @ 6:03 pmVery disturbing images – WTF is slide 15 about?!!!
Comment by Anjali Ramachandran August 19, 2010 @ 7:43 pmAnjali, what on earth are you doing in this grubby corner of the internet? Run away!
Comment by Marcus August 19, 2010 @ 9:27 pmthats the kind of fucking weird shit friends he has.
please fucking note. i am not his friend.
Comment by andy@cynic August 19, 2010 @ 9:34 pmSlide 14 is redundant. Everyone knows that you love yourself.
Comment by John August 20, 2010 @ 12:16 amyou cant blame him, who the fuck else would?
Comment by andy@cynic August 20, 2010 @ 12:44 amIm sure someone in the plannersphere will create a survey about that.
Comment by John August 20, 2010 @ 1:01 am