The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Even though it’s the size of a small country and totally ridiculous – we liked it and could afford it – so we coughed up the cash and took it home.

Anyway a few weeks later – while bending down to reach a toy my stupid cat wanted but couldn’t be arsed to get – I noticed the cloth under the sofa was hanging down.

I was just about to kick her for using it as a claw-sharpening device, when I thought I should take a closer look … so I tipped the beast up [such strength eh!] and realised that on this occasion Rosie was innocent because the issue was caused by a spring that had come loose and was pushing against the fabric.

Now I know I’m a hefty lump but there’s no way that should happen, so I called IKEA to tell them about it and get it fixed.

Imagine my surprise when they told me that despite having my order details, credit card info AND house address [because they delivered it] they were unable to help unless I was able to produce a receipt.

Look, I appreciate ‘the receipt is King’ … but given the sofa was only a matter of weeks old and they had all the information to prove who, when and where I bought it, I couldn’t work out why they were being so difficult especially when I had recently received such fantastic customer service for a product that had cost a fraction of the bloody sofa!

Now I know I might look a slob, but there’s some things I’m very anal about – and receipts/finances are one of those things that are top of that list – however for some reason I didn’t know where the hell the details of the sofa purchase/delivery was so when I rang IKEA pleading for some understanding, I was left feeling rather fucking angry when they wiped their hands of all responsibility.

The thing is, even though the sofa was perfectly fine to use, I was pissed off with IKEA’s attitude …

I know that I couldn’t physically show them the documents they needed … but the proof of purchase was at their fingertips [they even admitted they had all my details on file] and all they were doing was basically using a technicality to get out of their responsibility and if there’s one thing I absolutely detest, it’s people who don’t take responsibility.

So what could I do to teach the Swedish flat-pack fuckers a lesson?

Well writing to head office was out the question because not only was everything on their website in Swedish [hence I couldn’t find who/where to complain to] their HK store is a franchise operation so they could/would claim it’s a local issue and wouldn’t want to get involved.

What about writing to the local franchise boss?

Yeah I could … but given his/her ‘head office’ people had already told me on the phone they were unable and unwilling to help … I knew it was going to be a pretty pointless and fruitless exercise.

Finally there was the ‘sue the bastards’ option, but to be honest, after all the pain with SONY Ericsson [which I won – thanks spirit-of-Dad!] I just couldn’t be arsed to go through all that again.

So did that mean I was going to let them get away with it?

Was it hell.

What I did was call up the store and ask to speak to the manager as he was the one who had been [mis]handling my case.

Before he could say a word, I jumped straight in …

“You know how you say I have to produce a receipt or you won’t help …”

“Yes” he replied, sounding bored and uninterested.

“… well I don’t think you guys ever gave me one. I think you just dropped off the sofa and walked away.”

Shocked, he responds, “But that’s impossible sir”.

“It is possible because I’m sure you didn’t give me one.” I counter.

“But we never leave unless we have the customers signature”. he retorts.

“Prove it” I scream, trying to hide the excitement my evil plan just might come off.

“OK sir …” the increasingly pissed off IKEA robot spits, “… I’ll email it to you”.

And you know what?

He did.

And you know what I did?

Yep, I walked straight over to Mr Store Managers IKEA and – with the biggest, smuggest fucking smile you’ve ever seen – handed over the receipt AND delivery note he’d just emailed me and demanded he FIX MY FUCKING SOFA!!!