The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Are You Gypsy Rosie Lee?
January 14, 2010, 5:56 am
Filed under: Comment

At the beginning of every year, a bunch of people make a bunch of predictions about what they think is going to happen in the next 12 months.

Quite often the predictions either amount to state-the-obvious shite [ie: people will use the internet so companies will advertise on it] or a more abstract point of view [ie: the Christian Church will buy Walmart so they can count customers as followers] … however what is common is that in most cases, what people say will happen, doesn’t – or at least not in the detail they suggested.

And another thing that drives me nuts is when people claim they had the idea for something, even though when you ask them about it – you realise what they had originally said was so ambiguous [and so long ago] that it was probably the mad ramblings of a 4 year old child.


Zoom forward god-knows how long, and some marketing fuckwit at Heinz [or possibly the same person who had the ‘idea’ in the first place] decides to launch this:

Mind you, given sooooooooooooooooo many people regard these pseudo-Nostradamus’ as geniuses, I’d like to go on record and say I foresee a time where transportation is powered by water.

Got it? Cool – that’s my legacy sorted out then.

Look, I have no problem with people making statements about the future – hell, I do it all the time, especially because I can always say “it hasn’t happened yet, come back to me in 10 years and then we can discuss it” if someone disagrees with me – but so many of these self-appointed social commentators express themselves with absolute authority and [stupidly] give specific timeframes to when we’ll see it all happening.

They need to take some lessons from politicians.

Anyway …

The point of this post [and there is one. Somewhere] is that amongst all these folk who profess to know specifically what people are going to think/do/say/believe in the next 12 months, there are some who are genuinely smarty-pants and one of those is an old colleague of mine, Richard Watson.

Apart from being in possession of one of the greatest heads of hair since Brian May, Richard is one of those over-achieving clever buggers as demonstrated by the fact he is a bona-fide consultant, author, speaker, futurist and founder of the brilliant NowAndNext.

Anyway, he’s already smarter, nicer and cleverer than me so I don’t want to be too complimentary to him – however I do want to draw your attention to a chart he’s just created detailing the trends & timelines for new tech in 2010 because it’s bloody interesting and also very cool to look at.

You can DOWNLOAD IT HERE … and if it turns out that only 20% of what Richard say’s is right – you still have 12 months of sounding more interesting and intelligent at dinner parties/pubs/BBQ’s than the loud-mouthed, one-dimensional advertising ‘guru’ who is declaring “2010 is the year Apple will launch another iPod, except they’ll give it a different name so the label and style whores will think it’s a totally-new, must-have product”.

See, win:win … except for me, given I am that loud-mouthed, one-dimensional ad twat.


15 Comments so far
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another easy to read, simple to understand planner chart. rich has missed a fucking trick by not flogging it to opticians and saying its the next fucking generation of eye test chart.

and this time i better be the fucking first to comment. going to be up all fucking night looking after auntie and the lab boys and girls and im not in the mood for second fucking place.

chinese for dinner tonight. oh the fucking irony.

Comment by andy@cynic

good. at least one fucking thing has gone right today.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yesterday I woke up to a bunch of comment, today I see the usual mad ramblings of Andy. Seems everyone decided to have a life, ha!

Chinese for dinner Andy? What’s the betting some will be sticking in some executives throats?

And I wouldn’t expect you to understand Richard’s chart – it’s got no naked ladies on it.

Comment by Rob

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand Richard’s chart – it’s got no naked ladies on it.”


We should predict how many planners will reference or just steal from this chart in 2010.

PS) Is this the brand safari Richard?

Comment by Bazza

There are naked ladies all over it – look closer….

PS – I don’t think that’s me.

BTW, Rob, you are quite right. The trick is to to be really vague and when things don’t come true say wait a little longer.

Some rules:

1. Cultivate the look of an expert (glasses are always good)
2. Sound really certain about things (people love certainty & precision)
3. Go against any traditional wisdom (always pick the opposite position)
4. Say things that are very difficult to substantiate
5. Be hazy about when things will happen
6. Never reveal your sources
7. If any prediction ever comes true make a lot of noise about it
8. If anything doesn’t come true come true keep really quiet about it
9. Take a big position on big issues…then wait until you are right
10. Steal things from all over the place

Comment by Richard Watson

Yep, you’ve pretty much described me to a tee … thanks mate.

Comment by Rob

Great Chart Rob. Even while squinting at it on a Netbook screen I can see it’s that rare beast, a useful thing to have.

As for naked ladies. I really do think sometimes that you guys hit the sack in Tweed Pajames and may well have never considered going down on whoever is next to you….to pop a hot water bottle under their chilly feet at this time of the year. Judging by the banter here – Just saying guys.

So for the sake of highlighting this absurdity, surely we can also rest assured that there are no naked men on it too?


Comment by Charles Frith

That’s why you’re Charles Pimp-Daddy Frith …

… and why I’m never sharing a bed with you. Ha.

Comment by Rob

This is pretty amazing even if tube maps charts firmly belong in the last decade. I’m already looking forward to referencing it next time I’m trying to impress someone.

Comment by rafik

At least there’s a reason to use the tube map style – what bugs me are those ads that look like packets of ‘headache pills’ but with something “wild and crazy” inside.

Plus, with Richard’s thing, the content is great which is better than a lot of the style with absolutely zero substance bollocks we tend to see. Mainly on this blog, ha!

Comment by Rob

I’m writing him an email 😀

Comment by rafik

Be nice, I’d like Richard to talk to me again. 🙂

Comment by Rob

I don’t understand any of it but I like all of it.

Comment by DH

This appeared in my RSS yesterday – does that mean I’m ahead of the curve?

Comment by John

Bet Rob’s increasing his credit card limit to make sure he can buy all of it.

Comment by Billy Whizz

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