The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Billy Elliott Has A Lot To Answer For …
November 16, 2009, 6:38 am
Filed under: Comment

It’s Monday … I’ve been working all weekend … it feels like months since I had a holiday so forgive me my indulgent little post.

Apart from loving documentaries, I love trashy television.

I’m not talking about my beloved Jerry Springer … I’m talking about a whole host of shows including ‘reality television’, especially the ones where we get to watch human ego have a car crash.

Anyway, one of the things that always bring a smile to my face is when I get to watch a [no] talent show.

On they come … these talentless fools, full of the bravado that can only comes from years of praise from over-eager, gold digging, deaf, dumb and/or blind parents … only for them to leave 13 seconds later, knocked off their self-imposed perch into the sea of anonymity.

To be honest I feel for some of them – especially the ones who you can tell actually love what they are attempting to do rather than the bastards who simply want a short-cut to fame and semi-fortune … however that aside, the bit I love most is the moment just after the initial negative feedback.

Whereas many of us would sit back and listen to the criticism/advice of people who we accept have more knowledge of the industry than us, many of these talent tv fools simply launch into another car crash routine oblivious to the fact that it’s making the situation ten times worse rather than better.

As the title of this post suggests … I blame Billy Elliott.

You see in the movie [I’m not talking about the horrendous musical that Elton John singlehandedly destroyed with his Mardi-Grasesque soundtrack] he was having his interview with the Royal Ballet or something and preceded to fuck it up.

He was just about to be kicked back ‘oop North’ when – if memory serves me – he made some innocuous comment that somehow turned a bunch of sceptical judges into fawning groupies.

In other words, he snatched victory from the jaws of defeat … and because Americans [and the sort of Brits who think Jeremy Clarkson should be Prime Minister] think Hollywood makes documentaries rather than fantasies, they think this is an ‘insight’ into how to always guarantee a positive result so without fail, they adopt the practice, regardless of the history of broken hearts pumped into millions of households around the World each and every night.


Anyway this is just a preamble for the real purpose of the post – which is my chance to show a clip of quite possibly the worst musical duo since Pepsi & Shirley [look them up] though to be fair, as a comedy act they’d be up there with Laurel & Hardy .. especially the yellow shirt wearing Welsh tool who thinks he’s some rapping/beatboxing genius when in reality he’s just a rhythmless idiot with a crap accent.

Enjoy … and be glad these people exist because otherwise we wouldn’t be able to deny our own shortcomings as easily.

22 Comments so far
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Comment by Age

We used them in an ad a little while ago…

Apparently (I hear) they were told to do that song despite finding it embarassing themselves. Don’t forget that we are watching the version of events as told by the manipulators and puppet masters here.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

welsh. i rest my fucking case.

sorry mrs hill, youre the exception.

Comment by andy@cynic

what fucking ad did you use them for mortimer? and have you considered that the tone deaf duo would say they were told to do that song to try and not look such big twats to their mates? didnt work though did it.

Comment by andy@cynic

and what the fuck are you doing up at this time?

Comment by andy@cynic

I used to think the guys on american idol were bad. Guess they are, but these 2 are more wrong.

Comment by DH

What the hell did you use those 2 fools for Mr M … and how much did you pay them?

Comment by Rob

Queen appeared on X factor last night. Well what’s left of them did. I think this undermines any musical opinion you may offer.

Comment by John

Wasn’t anything I worked on so I don’t know the details. Was only a brief cameo I think.

Frankly having watched the show since it started I would be more likely to believe them than the producers/presenters.

Oh, and I’m on holiday today and was arguing with stupid people on twitter…!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

i feel sorry for them. though the judges are, notwithstanding they are laughing, quite nice. there are a couple of shows like x factor in germany. the one with the highest viewing rate is “deutschland sucht den superstar” (equivalent to pop idol). one of the judges (dieter bohlen) is pretty mean. while many of the candidates really need to hear that they are not great singers and should stop wasting their own time, he just ridicules people saying things like “my ears couldnt hear anything. they were busy puking”, just because he can, and to provoke a reaction. i guess he has to live up to his image and it is all scripted anyway. however, the audience obviously wants to see it. as long as they are not the ones being ridiculed, they find it funny. as you said, its a way to deny one’s own shortcomings.

Comment by peggy

You’re on holiday and on this blog!

Fuck Mr M, can you please get a bit of a life. 🙂

Comment by Rob

Sadly Peggy, you seem to have described my performance judging the Media Thinking awards.

I shall go and sit on the naughty chair.

[They deserved it though 😉 ]

Comment by Rob

Is it sad to tell you Mr Dodds, that even though I am on the other side of the World, not only did I know Queen were on X Factor, I watched it.

And as I’ve said a million times, I only like Queen upto 1982, and at a push 1984 … after that they went uber-pants. Though I still went to see all their gigs on the 1986 tour.

God I am pathetic.

Comment by Rob

mmhhh, what of the things i wrote resembles your performance there? i m a little bit lost… anyway, i think there is a difference between *media thinking* and singing. if you are a talentless singer, you are wasting your own time, life and money to a certain extent. if you are screwing strategy up that is beyond directly only effecting you… so not sure if you deserve to sit on the naughty step… 🙂

Comment by peggy

‘deserve’ is the wrong word i guess. it should say ‘should’

Comment by peggy

It would seem I am adlands Dieter Bohlen.

Comment by Rob

what kind of mysterious magic is going on with john’s comments? they always appear years later…

Comment by peggy

To answer your query Peggy, my blog has a ‘pedantic technology filter’ … thus any comment of John’s automatically gets put in the ‘spam’ folder so either I or my evil IT person have to fish it out. Having read them for the last few years, I don’t know why we bother.


Comment by Rob

You cant handle the truth.

Comment by John

What I’d give to have been a fly on the wall during your judging. If you’d been one the guys Billy had to impress, I fear he’d of gone home crying with the words “big jessie” ringing in his ears. 🙂

PS What is a big jessie?

Comment by Pete

one of the biggest disappointments in my life was when campbell got nicknamed simon fucking cowell within 24 hours of being at google happy towers.

i wanted that fucking title but no, they give it rob because he was first to say an idea wasnt working. and he was being nice under orders of auntie g.

worlds gone too fucking soft or maybe thats what jill said about her love life with campbell. boom fucking tish.

Comment by andy@cynic

i reckon it depends which billy you are talking about pete 😉

Comment by peggy

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