The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I don’t think I’m totally stooooopid … but I’m certainly nothing special, as my 1986 maths exam proves*.

However despite this, I’m still a curious little bastard which is why I often literally find myself having spent hours thinking about why something is as it is.

Of course I could just go on Google and get the answer in a second, but I work in advertising during the worst economic recession since 482BC so it’s not like I have anything better to do.

Anyway, over the years there’s been a lot of things I’ve tried to come up with a hypothesis on – and whilst in many cases, it’s all ended up being a total crock of shit [thank you George & Andy] – there has been the odd occasion where it’s led to us commissioning some formal research so I could try and understand [or be told I’m a complete idiot] why – for example – so many female CEO’s [who work in largish organisations] tend to be underweight.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because there’s one thing I’ve been trying to work out since way back in 2001 and despite having some theories, I am still left with more questions than answers and that issue is this …

Plastic knives.

More specifically, plastic knives on planes.

WHY?????

Yes I know they say it is to do with airline security but if they think a plastic knife can cut some tough-as-old-wellies bit of meat, then it sure as hell could cut the delicate neck of some hostie.

And anyway, who said knives had the monopoly on pain?

Forks can hurt like a bastard.

Remember this?

Sure he didn’t die but I bet the little bastard felt it.

Then there’s Mr Spoon. Sweet, lovely Mr spoon …

Scooping sizable portions of delicate chocolate mousse from its little plastic container and transporting it without so much as a complaint, to your eager and open mouth.

Mr spoon wouldn’t harm anyone, Mr Spoon is cutlery’s kindest son.

My arse.

Have you ever been smacked on the head with a metal spoon at full thrust?

Sadly – and for reasons I won’t go into – I have and it’s not at all pleasant.

To be honest, cutlery aside, the whole food tray offers a wide array of potential ‘tools of evil’ … from the tall glass right through to the shitty food they expect you to shovel down your gob.

Banning metal knives and replacing them with plastic ones makes about as much sense as inviting me to speak at a conference and then telling me I’m not allowed to swear!

And this, dear ladies and gentlemen, is my predicament because for the life of me, I just can’t work out what’s really going on.

[I’m talking about the plastic knives, not the ‘no swearing’ thing]

Oh sure, this decision might of reassured some people after Sept 11th for about 3 minutes – but come on, do they really think the masses believe the airlines are now 100% safe just because they’ve hidden all the metal knives in the kitchen drawer?

Unless you tell me differently, I guess the moral of this post is that life isn’t always made up of rational decisions and that too few companies re-evaluate their policies – even if their clientele think it doesn’t add up – so as a planner, you have to appreciate that in many cases, common sense is either not all that common, or pretty fucked up, hence the soon-to-be unveiled new Rob Campbell philosophy “DEVIOUS STRATEGY”.

Have a good one.