The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Masturbation Doesn’t Make You Go Blind, It Makes You Go To The Cancer Clinic.
January 30, 2009, 12:02 pm
Filed under: Comment

Given the stupidity of Nottingham County Council, I wouldn’t be surprised if they came up with this study in an attempt to stop the city [and my beloved hometown] from being known as the ‘crime capital of Europe’.

Sorry guys, but being the nerve centre for wanking isn’t going to do our tourism levels much good either.

Q: What happens when you masturbate Monday to Friday?
A: You get a weak-end. [And prostate cancer apparently]

Hey look on the brightside, this blog can’t get any lower … though I might view that as a challenge.

Have a good one but remember to keep your hands above shoulder height. Well, unless you’re over 40!

17 Comments so far
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Your metamorphosis into Jerry Springer is nearly complete Robert. You must be happy and your Mother must be very proud. I must admit I’m rather looking forward to hearing what George has to say when I see him tomorrow.

Comment by Lee Hill

Do you think so? Do you really think so? That has made my day – but probably not my Mum’s or George’s.

Comment by Rob

Poor old billy. Years and years of prostate abuse.

Comment by Marcus

So this week you’ve been the Malcolm X and the Dr Phil of adland. That’s quite a bridge you’ve spanned there Rob. 🙂

BTW great pic. Are you trying to take George Parker’s inappropriate photo editing crown?

Comment by Bazza

And warts Marcus. 🙂

Comment by Bazza

The lengths Billy will go to get someone to fiddle with him. Where is Billy? He’s not been here for ages. There must be a long queue at the clinic.

Comment by Bazza

by the looks of the pic – I’d be more concerned about a link between excessive masturbation and mullet growth. does the mullet leave you with no option but to masturbate as no girls will come close – or are mullet wearers by definition wankers? anyone living in clerkenwell that can provide an answer?

Comment by Mr McG

Thanks McG, you’ve put a positive spin on my baldness. And I’d just like to say there’s a big difference between the people who WORK in Clerkenwell and the people who LIVED there.

Though the lines have probably blurred since I left, ha!

Comment by Rob

men who go bald at the front think a lot, men who go bald at the back are virile – men who go bald all over think they are virile
men who have mullets work as creatives in the kind of places that think having a pool table in the reception area makes you blue sky thinkers

Comment by Mr McG

Mr McG is the hulk of adland and he’s angry … he’s very, very angry!

Comment by Rob

50% got the prick cancer 50% did, focking brilliant. perhaps the 50% who did, whacked of to lesbian sex vids and felt so guilty that on a subconcious level they wished to get rid of the evil voices in their pricks…

“These are just theories, he warns. More research is needed to determine the exact role of sex hormones and sexual activity in prostate-cancer risk at different stages of life.”

Notthingham, where is my gran(d)t?

utter shite..

Comment by niko

You need to send your invoice to this address Niko …

Comment by Rob

so if there’s a link between whacking off and prostate cancer, why has the human race managed to last for so long? surely all the men would have died off by now, if this is the case..

why is it that masturbation is such a fucking focus for people anyways? i saw an artwork the other day where the artist jerked off with a bunch of monkeys. dull, i tell you, dull.

Comment by lauren

That’s not what the monkeys said.

Comment by John

It said “Yes” didn’t it John. Or at least that was your argument to the judge!

Comment by Rob

… and it makes you go blind…

Comment by okathleen

… well why else would he have his eyes closed, and be wearing stripy underpants that don’t match the tattoo, not to mention the dusky pink bathroom suite?

Comment by okathleen

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