The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Want To Be Part Of The Agency Of The Future?
February 21, 2008, 7:50 am
Filed under: Comment

No I’m not talking about joining Crispin’s … Mother … WK … Droga5 … cynic … or any host of other hot shops … I’m talking about an opportunity that is even bigger, an opportunity to be part of a GLOBAL RENAISSANCE.

Yes – we’re talking big. Bigger than big. SUPERFUCKINGMASSIVE!

Now the thing is, there’s no point being part of ‘a global renaissance’ if the people behind it haven’t got some solid business foundations because otherwise you’ll be here one day – gone the next – which is why the really brilliant news is that the organisation behind this new kind of agency is those masters of durability, WPP.

Sure Crispins, Mother, WK and the like might do stuff that gets all the press – but where were they 30 years ago? 

I’ll tell you … nowhere … not like a WPP agency.

When you talk about companies like O&M, JWT, Y&R and GREY … you are talking about firms that have stood the test of time … taken brands from the ice age – like Ford, Colgate, Unilever and P&G – and kept them thriving into the global warming age.

We’re talking about organisations who will still be their flogging cars, toothpaste, washing powder and shampoo long after we’re dead and buried – which is a damn site better than working on one of those fly-by-night buggers like NIKE, Apple or – hahaha – Google.

What WPP is offering is a job for life.

In this World of uncertainty and change – I’m sure you’ll agree that a life sentence of employment fuckin’ rocks!

OK … OK … so some people will get to do some crazy shit at one of those little ‘independents’ – but when they’re struggling to pay their mortgage in 10 years time, who’ll be laughing then?




And it gets better …

Not only have you got the chance to gain lifelong employment at the newest, biggest, baddest agency in town … but they are offering an environment that bypasses all those annoying things that you get at ‘normal’ agencies.

Creative frustrations?

Not here.


No need.

Media Channel awareness?


You see this super-group of adland will only service one client – so time consuming rubbish like pitching won’t be needed.

And this client doesn’t bother about all that poncy shit like creativity – it’s brochures all the way – so your time can be spent on making things happen, not getting bogged down on the superfluous.

[To prove they mean what they say, they’ve created the most functional job recruitment ad in history [See Below] No fluff, just to the point, Finally, an ad agency who gets it]

But who is this wonder-client who is offering you all these benefits”, I hear you ask.

Well it’s no other than fast moving computer giant, DELL!

Think Apple but without the annoying Steve Jobs or NIKE but not having to put up with the prima-dona sports stars.

This is a brand you can trust and feel proud of.  A brand that will become the P&G of computers. A brand that will be around even when your great, great, great, great grandchildren are snorting crack and living on Mars.   

And to prove how serious WPP are treating this client – apart from the fact they’re setting up a global network just for them – they’ve decided to call it [at least for now] DaVinci.


None of that wank like Naked, Trumpet, Brooklyn Brothers or Godsend … this is something serious, powerful, historical and awe-inspiring.

Seriously, what the fuck are you waiting for – there’s a whole bunch of jobs going but as you can imagine, they’ll be snapped up fast – so if you want to be part of the future [not to mention history] WPP/DaVinci want to hear from you NOW.

Do It: Because Mortgages Don’t Pay Themselves.

51 Comments so far
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Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. 🙂

Comment by Pete

you evil little fucking devilish bastard genius. hes back, the campbell i know is back.

Comment by andy@cynic

A company who doesn’t care about “creative poncy shit” means a company where I can get paid for doing nothing. Where do I apply?

Comment by Billy Whizz

Oh dear.

Comment by George

dont worry billy, weve already applied for you.

Comment by andy@cynic

What a coincidence, the 2 cynics of adland writing about the same issue.

Not that your post is cynical or sarcastic Robert.

Comment by Pete

I love being loved.

Comment by Billy Whizz

This post pisses on the usual rubbish Rob writes. You know the ones, where he tries to hide his blatant racist tendencies 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

I know you’re all working late – but have you considered that by not posting complete and utter bollocks on my blog, you might finish that little bit earler?

That insight shows why I get paid the big bucks! Ha.

Comment by Rob

Come back Billy, you’ve just rekindled my love for you.

Comment by andy@cynic

careful rob, youre turning into auntie george.

Comment by andy@cynic

Facinating. You planners are really really smart.

Comment by Billy Whizz

hey rob. have you considered that if you didnt write so many fucking blog posts youd be able to keep clients happy by delivering work on time?

this planning lark is fucking easy peasy isnt it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Happy now Andy? You got the last word in?

[Except you didn’t did you, ha!]

I know this is going to FORCE YOU to write some bollocks to satisfy your need to be an annoying little shit, so I’ll not rise to the bait and just wish you all a good night.

God, I AM turning into George, ha!

Comment by Rob

you think i am that fucking petty campbell?

you know me so fucking well.

i win. i win win win. bye.

Comment by andy@cynic

He shoots. He scores. Rangers 1, Nottingham Nil.

No this has nothing to do with the blog but Rob knows what it’s all about. Just a note, be kind to Rob, he’s had a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock for a while now. I find humouring him and telling him he’s clever, talented and making a worthwhile contribution to human existence stops him from picking up that semi-automatic and nipping down to the nearest food court…

Comment by Tom from Perth

i like you tom. i like you a lot. but are you in perth australia or scotland? doesnt really matter really, both are fucking mad which explains why you know rob.

Comment by andy@cynic

We should all apply… imagine how fun it would be running into the ground after 3 weeks!

Comment by Age

Australia, Andy. Yes I do have the honour of knowing Rob. How well? I’m not so sure. After all, I was the one who, at a team building personality profiling exercise, doggedly insisted that Rob was an Introvert and that his Extroverted character was merely an act to protect his fragile emotions… since then i realise he has no emotions, unless cynical mockery is an emotion.

Comment by Tom from Perth

your not the fucker who showed him the ring trick are you? you know thats how the sad fuck proposed?

if it you then youre either a genius or an evil bastard which is about as high a compliment as i can give.

and cynical mockery is an emotion. its the best fucking emotion you can have and you my friend are in possession of it in spades.

Comment by andy@cynic

We just have to thank our lucky stars he didn’t use the broken arm trick instead.

Comment by Tom from Perth

oh fuck you did taught him that too? that makes the ring trick look like something david blaine would do. you sick, sick fuck. love you.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hello Tom – so nice for you to pop along. And don’t try and pretend you taught me your 2 tricks in a desperate bid to make me look a tosser in later life … I saw the pride on your face when I [admitidly] looked impressed at your demonstration and begged to know ‘the secrets’ to your magic abilities. Ahem.

You’re like Freddie – most people think you’re “soooooo nice” but I know the truth, which is probably why I still like you so much, ha!

Comment by Rob

i need to meet this tom, he sounds a mate of yours who i might actually like.

Comment by andy@cynic

DaVinci – the world’s first dedicated, non-creative, factory agency. Adam Smith will be cheering in his grave.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

i feel ill.

Comment by lauren

With excitement I presume!

Comment by Rob

if it was excitement, it would be ‘fully sick’..

Comment by lauren

You youngsters and your special language 🙂

Comment by Rob

They contacted you didn’t they Rob. Go on admit it 🙂 …….. ha ha

Comment by bhaskar

Deep throat.

Comment by Marcus

You’ve written your comment in the wrong post Marcus, the Charles Frith one is at …

And as for you Bhaskar – comments like that may appeal to Andy and Billy – but I think that’s even more insulting than being called a Derby County Fan, ha!

Comment by Rob

Hmm.. sarcasm much!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

But what does Jill thnk?

Comment by John

Jill only comments/influences on one post a day – and today is was aimed at the “elitist” Purple List.

Comment by Rob

Thin end of the wedge methinks.

Comment by John

The Kaiser has been BANNED from that fucking purple list!


Comment by The Kaiser

You mean they let Campbell join but kick you out Kaiser? That’s not elitist, that’s fucking stupid. Take it as a compliment, it’s probably full of planner types who talk and do little else. They wouldn’t have my membership if they paid me but then it seems there’s fuck all chance of them even wanting me. Cocks.

Comment by Billy Whizz

I was a “member” of the Purple List for exactly 35 fucking minutes and then they fucking well BANNED me!

And yes, Campbell is in there as is CHARLES FRITH and all the other planners.

But NOT The Kaiser – oh no




The Kaiser.

Comment by The Kaiser

I’m going to set up the fucking BLACK LIST and it’s only for Billy, Me and Andy.

And no fucker else.

Comment by The Kaiser

Consider it a compliment then because for 35 minutes you were deemed “boringly normal” and who the fuck wants to be that?

Comment by Billy Whizz

to fucking right.

here we go:

“The Black List
because the purple list wouldn’t have us”

Comment by The Kaiser

Friend of the friendless. It’s going to be bigger than fucking Facebook 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

and I’ve removed all the functionality from it so that even Boucher can use the fucking thing.


Comment by The Kaiser

Why did you get thrown off Marcus, did they say anything?

This has been a good week for prejudism hasn’t it?

Well I’m going to be working directly for a man who has created more trends than most people combined and there’s no way I’m going to join the purple list if this is how they act.

Keeping standards is one thing, chucking off good people for no reason is quite another.

Comment by Bazza

That’s fucking scandalous.

I’ve just re-invited you Marcus, let me know what happens because unless you were being an evil bastard [which is possible but unlikely] I see absolutely no reason why you would be dejected and if it happens again, I’m off because that sort of thing drives me nuts.

Ooooooh I’m all riled up now!

Comment by Rob

Morning. I did nothing. I was really well behaved (I was on the damn thing long enough to do anything naughty).

I’ve got your invite but it won’t let me join – because I’ve been banned. I’ve asked twice now for an explanation but have received nothing.

What a fucking week this has been.

Comment by The Kaiser

I’ve had some kind of feedback. It has something to do with using the name “The Kaiser”.

My fault. Move on.

Comment by The Kaiser

i think DAVINCI was named after the movie rather than the man. Their work will be just as intolerable. Perhaps they should have called it Water World… Pop. culture – a suitable reference point for the meaning of life.

Nice to see you promoting your own interests in your rave rob. capitalist!

Comment by Em from Perth too

Hello Em, are you on here because you’ve opted out from the 5 day a week rat race so now can bludge like the rest of Australia? You lucky, lucky bitch, ha.

I love your theory, maybe they should also of considered names such as ‘Titanic’, ‘Postman’ and ‘Last King Of Scotland’ … you should go into this branding lark, you obviously have a talent for it.

Lets speak soon because I want to see if you’re still up for visiting.

Comment by Rob

[…] Remember a while back I wrote about how WPP had created an agency especially for the DELL company called DaVinci? […]

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