The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Germany Is Attempting To Take Over Malaysia …
February 18, 2008, 7:16 am
Filed under: Comment

Yoohoooooooo …

Is anybody out there?

I knew it – you’ve all buggered off to blogs that have something intelligent to say haven’t you. Bollocks.

Oh well, I’ll carry on and maybe you’ll be back in time for a certain bit of great news that [fingers crossed] will be happening in the next 6-8 weeks.

[Yes that is a desperate attempt to put some ‘tension’ into this blog, but I do hope I have something interesting to tell you soon. Well, interesting to me – none of you will give a fuck, ha!]

Right, lets get on with it shall we?

When you think of Germany what comes to mind?

Is it?

Little Hit



What about?

Heidi Klum


ledehosen man

Or possibly even?

The Hoff Soap Dispenser

Well regardless what your sick little mind came up with, I bet it wasn’t this …

This is an ad from Malaysia – the same place that brought us the ‘Whose Your Daddy?’ Vaio ad.

Now the thing is, over the years there have been some fantastic ads from Malaysia – but if you can call two ads a ‘trend’ – it seems to all be going abit doolally.

This HIGHLAND STORM ad has to be one of the worst ones ever.

Apart from the fact it has been seemingly directed by this man …  


… why the fuck did they feel the need to highlight the fact lozenges come from Germany?

Is Germany famous for it’s lozenges?

Do people in Malaysia like Germany?

Do German lozenges represent the pinnacle of confectionary?

I have no fucking idea – but what confuses me more is the visual.

What the hell is it trying to represent?

Is it some subliminal reference to wartime blitzkrieg … or just a really shitty idea relating to the name ‘Storm’.

But hang on, it’s not ‘Storm’ is it … it’s HIGHLAND Storm … which insinuates it’s from fucking Scotland, not Germany.

I get so fed up of communication that simply dramatises the brands ‘name’ rather than develops a real idea they can build off – to me it’s it’s lazy advertising, up there with using sex in an execution – and that’s why there is absolutely nothing in this execution that makes me feel good about the brand or would encourage me to buy a packet.

I don’t give a fuck they’re from Germany [or Scotland] … I don’t give a damn they will ‘relieve’ me [are they talking about blocked noses or a full bladder?] and I don’t give a rats ass that they’re ‘coming soon’ …  this is CEO-pleasing, self-indulgent, rubbish that not only won’t work, but will contribute to furthering the bad name of my industry which is why whoever did it needs to be shot – and I include the client who approved it.

58 Comments so far
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My brain stopped working as soon as it got down to that pic of Heidi.

Comment by Age

You’re well and truly back aren’t you 🙂
I must say I don’t know who is the more guilty, the agency who had the nerve to “sell it” or the client who “bought it”. Whatever the answer, this is very lazy advertising and I think both agency and client need to go back to marketing school to be reminded that awareness doesn’t guarantee sales, especially when that awareness is gained because your communication is horrible.
Great catching up last week, hope it’s not so long till next time.

Comment by Pete

“Do German lozenges represent the pinnacle of confectionary?”


Comment by lauren

This post means you’re in a good mood doesn’t it?

Comment by George

Not as good as I will be in a few weeks George, but yeah – it does mean I’m rather “up” at the moment 🙂

Comment by Rob

i wonder if heidi needed water, silicone or youth to achieve that pert shot?

yes rob, thats all i give a shit about in this post, though i do applaud your anger, its nice to see you fired up rather than that wimpy “nice to the people” bollocks from last week 🙂

Comment by andy@cynic

As this is a dead-serious planners blog, I cannot possibly comment on that Andy – but they are rather spectacular, ha!

Good to catch up – you’ve lost weight – but that could be because you need a haircut 🙂

Comment by Rob

like being insulted by a one-legged 5 year old with a bowl haircut and buddy holly glasses.
in other words, fucking pathetic 🙂

Comment by andy@cynic

Storm troopers?

Frankly I’m bemused.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Given this ad is so tennuous, I’d of prefered it if they did use Stormtroopers in the spot – or maybe Mr Vadar himself.

Think about it, the line could be …


Comment by Rob

i’d prefer to see just a visual/sound thing where mr vader has a storm tropper lozenge, and it clears his sinuses so much that he doesn’t make that breathy noise thing anymore… death of the ‘vader sound’…

Comment by lauren

Seems to me they’re implying some connection with 9/11 too.

Comment by John

Didn’t someone do that ad with Vadar?
I’m sure I have seen it before…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

yeah mr m, you’re right. i’m sure something like fishermans friend or vicks have done it before – i couldn’t possibly be that brilliant – ha!

Comment by lauren

That’s it John – start a holy war involving german lozengers.

Comment by Rob

And just for the record – even though it seems to have been done before – my “concept” [hahaha!] was the same as Lauren’s except I insinuated that the reason Darth Vadar sounded like Mr Dodd’s on a telephone line was because he had sinus problems and STORM would sort it out so he would end up sounding like Kenneth Williams or something.

Why I felt the need to clarify that is beyond me – I’m just sad I guess.

[Actually I know I am, you should see the posts on Thursday!]

Comment by Rob

They started it!

Comment by John

And may I just take this opportunity to say that for the first time I ever I spoke to Lauren and the first words she said to me – THE FIRST WORDS EVER TO LEAVE HER GOB AND ENTER MY EARS – were …

“You sound just like Charles Frith”

… and while I love Charley-boy, I don’t know if that’s a good thing though I sort-of like the fact that after living in every country other than the UK over the last god-knows how long [that might be a slight exaggeration but bare with me] I still sound like I’m English even though to my ears, our beloved Charlie has a tad of the Laaaandaaan about him.

Why am I writing this?

Why do I care?

Why do I think you care?

Why do I still write it when I know no one cares?

Including me?

Oh that’s right, I’m passing the time while I wait for the Washing Machine repair man to turn up and my cat decides to emit a weapon of mass [nasal] destruction.

That’s it – I’m leaving you alone – though given technically this is still my blog, I don’t see why I should. Oh for gods sake, I’m going off on a tangent again. Sorry – I really am sorry.

Comment by Rob

Good point John – that sort of mature, well constructed argument will stand up in any court of law. Well, any American court of ‘law’ 🙂

Comment by Rob

Your regional tones sound nothing like the urbane campery of Frith and your choice of adjectives is all together more street!

And yes they did start it – they invaded Poland. Tish boom!

Comment by John

For that lovely compliment, I can categorically say that in a fight between Dodds and Lauren, I would be forced to favour the stalker – though I don’t know if the word ‘street’ is something I like having associated with my name, but considering the usual alternatives I get, I can live with it!

Comment by Rob

Never going to happen! She’d kick my ass.

Comment by John

As Candice Bushell said to me when doing VB:

Men of today are like women of the past, only with dicks.

Comment by Rob

As Professor Chong would say – I was wrong about this name-dropper.

Comment by John

Touche …

Comment by Rob

rob!! while i dearly hoped that you wouldn’t blog about that, on some level i knew you would. i just thought you might wait until tomorrow, or something!!!

how fucking embarrassing! it was one of those oh-god-did-i-just-say-that moments and i’m sorry if i offended. i’m all class…

and for the record, don’t forget that frith has also spent the better part of the last decade outside of the UK. although, having said that, perhaps i really should just shut the fuck up.

and you know i would kick doddsy’s arse in a street fight, if it came to that. but i don’t hit old people, so he needn’t worry 🙂

Comment by lauren

Lauren would categorically and alphabetically kick John’s ass.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

To be fair Lauren, you’ve never met me which is why you probably thought you’d be safe – at least for the day – but now you know for next time that I’m categorically a sad and semi-vindictive little shit!

Luckily for you, your last comment [“I don’t hit old people”] ensures I love you so Jack In The Boxes and Etch A Sketches are still on the cards – even if I will be investigated by the FBI and CIA on your behalf.

Comment by Rob

am i the only fucking hetro here? does no one else think heidi’s love bags look fucking great?

and why the fuck is campbell talking to my beloved tattood swear goddess? if he is hassling you lauren, just say the word and hell be talking like michael fucking jackson in no time.

i know i grumbled when the blog miester was away but with the way hes behaving today, i think i prefered it when he was poncing around the world doing fuck all despite claiming he was really “busy”.

consider this a yellow card campbell and dont be late for the conference or lauren will have your balls for earrings. or studs to be more precise.

Comment by andy@cynic

Yes they do Andy, but that Hoff soap image kind of ruined it!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

I thought Lauren liked big earrings.

Comment by John

as long as the hoff didnt distract you in a sexual way, thats a good point mortimer.

and as for laurens lughole choice, shell just have to make do with ear piercing sized earrings if i am required to separate campbell from his family jewels.

enough of this shit, i have to bollock the uk government for fucking up northern rock for us.

Comment by andy@cynic

I think you’ll find the existing owners and customers of Northern Rock who panicked and withdrew all their money are actualy responsible. The government (for once) have handled it pretty well.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

£90 billion debt on the nation’s balance sheet in exchange for 6000 geordie jobs – I think you’ll find that the distance between handling it pretty well and how they handled it is actually staggeringly enormous.

Comment by John

What other choice did they have?
It’s not the geordie jobs, its the billions deposited in their accounts, the homes (including mine) and mortgages that are at risk, the catestrophic damage to the economy that the collapse of the bank would cause. This is by far the cheapest and best option in terms of risk and lack of loss to the taxpayer/NR customers.

I am disappointed in you John, I thought you would look past the headline figures to the real issues.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Personally I would have let it go to the wall – it should never have been allowed to be run as it as was. The underlying assets behind the mortgages would have remained and been safe and the deposits were already guaranteed.

Comment by John

The losers would have been the shareholders (that’s the risk you take when investing in shares) and the staff (and I don’t understate that – I just don’t see it worth the financial exposure that ensued).

Comment by John

The thing is that at the start there was no real risk to existing lenders or mortgages; they just couldnt finance new customers.

It’s difficult to estimate though John, the effect that letting it go would have done; not only to the jobs and customers, but to the reputation in UK finance, and the damage to investment in the UK (esp shares).

That wasn’t meant to be as harsh as it sounded, just fed up of people criticizing nationalisation without looking at the facts!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

ahem. i won’t be wearing testicles on my ears, thanks. no matter how big or small they may be.

and andy, thanks sweetie for your chivalry, but it’s ok, your business partner is not actually a sociopathic stalker, but one of the sweetest men i know in history.

Comment by lauren

Lauren doesn’t get out much!

Comment by John

jealousy is a curse doddsy.

Comment by lauren

what the fuck is going on. campbell? sweet? only in so much as ted bundy was a nice guy to his victims before he struck.

and for nr, i dont think theres any solution that wont attract major criticism because this is what happens when a bank is allowed to go on a major spending spree. its not about jobs, its about confidence in uk investments but ironically enough, this is what got nr into the mess in the first fucking place. and to make it worse, it puts back our fucking uk plans by a few months now, but i never wanted to open in newcastle anyway.

Comment by andy@cynic

You are slowly but surely writing more and more sensible and interesting comments Andy. Have you got a fever? And is the UK thing really put back a few months or are you winding me up? I thought NR was going to be icing not the cake.

Comment by Pete

im not winding you up but its not just because of nr, its our own fault but its for the right reasons as you well fucking know you stirring shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Maybe a little.

Comment by Pete

Apart from the fact you open your gob when sometimes it should be kept firmly shut – I like your comment – and look forward to reading what Mr Dodd’s and Mr M think given they were the ones who took this issue on thanks to your slip-of-the-tongue.

Comment by Rob

what can i say, when i talk, others react.

Comment by andy@cynic


When you talk, others can’t hear themselves! 🙂

PS: Wonderful creeping there Lauren. I’ve changed my mind on you being a planner – you seem made for Account Service now, haha!

Comment by Rob

I agree with Andy – whatever happens now will be criticised – but I’m not sure that had to be the outcome. As for confidence in UK investments – I think the damage was done in September.

Comment by John

I know what you’re saying John, but lets remember the financial market operates in a mixture of chaos theory and rumour – so as much as the damage was done way-back-when – there’s always room for deprovement [if that is a word, haha!]

Comment by Rob

If it isn’t, it should be. My point is that banks have gone to the wall and the system has survived – bcci and barings in the past decade or so albeit for different reasons. nr was a relatively minor bank that was allowed to run itself in an insolvent manner. Once bank deposits were guaranteed, (thus militating against runs on other banks), I don’t know that leaving it to its own fate would have been so bad.

Comment by John

In theory what you say is bang on – however the financial market is such a fragile and sensitive beast [plus Brown is still a relative newbie PM] that I can see why they took this stance.

Saying that, I still think it would of made sense to pass it over to another organisation [Virgin for example] because not only would they then of been able to rub their metaphorical hands from the nightmare [or at least a major part of it] but the British public would [probably] be less incensed when the jobcuts and increased fees come-in, in a desperate attempt to get things back on track.

As for why NR ended up this way – well like countless other companies before it – it’s more to do with the industry and shareholders demands for ever-increasing returns than anything overtly criminal … that is if you don’t think gambling with people’s money in an attempt to quench the continual thirst of every hungry shareholder/institutional investor isn’t morally ambigious.

Comment by Rob

I am impressed you’ve not mentioned ENRON yet Rob. You must be bursting 🙂

Comment by Bazza

I am glad you noticed that Baz – but given Jill has been on this blog today and she HATES my obsession with ENRON more than she hates people referring to themselves as brands, I thought it best if I keep my mouth shut – however hard that may be, ha!

Comment by Rob

NR wasnt that minor a bank. In terms of deposits yes, but in terms of mortgages and loans it was pretty big.

Yes damage was done when it went tits up, but panic in the stock market would have caused catastrophe.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Over to you Mr Dodds …

[Mr M and Andy are in agreement. That’s mental]

Comment by Rob

Andy agreeing with anyone is mental.

Comment by Bazza

You can tell you’re leaving us soon – you would never say that normally being a coward midgit and all that, ha!

Comment by Rob

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