The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

August 27, 2007, 8:54 am
Filed under: Comment

Union Jack

Seb – a German – is relocating to England – European Heaven [ahem!] – and is under the impression he might find the actual ‘moving bit’, full of hassles, frustrations and expense.

Because I am going to be away for a few weeks, I have created this particular post so that Seb can liberate his soul of all ‘moving negativity’ as well as – where necessary – seek advice from fellow ‘subjects of the Empire’ on how best to handle life in London.

This is just one example of how we help our European cousins and should anyone like to offer some more proactive advice, feel free to post it here.

Auf wiedersehen me duck … [I’m from Nottingham, not Newcastle!]

28 Comments so far
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never ask for mayo on chips
never have a ginger haired male mate
never acknowledge your krautness in a pub
never jump a queue
never talk about efficiency
or mullets
never carry a beach towl under your arm
never eat a sausage in public
never admit to liking david hasselhoff
never shout “diver” at a football match
never hail a taxi with your arm extended
never say english food is disgusting
never say “de beer in germany iz much better ya?”
never ever watch a war movie with anyone british
never date a hot british bird

Comment by andy@cynic

Never admit you know who Sven is, let alone that he isn’t English.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

Avoid the Liverpool Street area. It’s full of Germans.

Comment by God

Oh Rob, as often right now I don’t know if to…I love you. No, I hate you. You dirty old…lovely man. Andy, originally this was my list of “first things to do when arriving in London”. And as you are God, Mister, you should have known that I will work near Liverpool Street area and therefore can’t avoid it. But if you have a minute, take care of my Ryan Air flight to London on September, 1. Thanks.

Comment by Seb

Liverpool Street is to be avoided at all costs. Maybe you should reconsider your move to the Capital City? After all, Hamburg is quite a nice place. But that’s full of Germans too.

Decisions, decisions.

Comment by God

Seb, did you get my email about that flat that was going cheap..?

Comment by Will

Will, did you get my email about your lack of FAITH?

Comment by God

God – sorry, no. I think Satan crashed my email server.

Comment by Will

Wasn’t me. Why does everybody blame me for shit like that?

Comment by Satan

Don’t look at me guv. I just tune engines.

Comment by Vishnu

seb: from one recent arrival to another:

the coffee is sheiße
the water is sheiße
the banks are sheiße
the weather is sheiße [except for the last 2 days, where it has been absofuckinlutely beautiful – please give my thanks to Mother Nature, God]
the pub food here is sheiße
the customer service here is sheiße
the time that everything closes here is sehr sheiße
and the cost of living is übersheiße!
the creative people here are awesome
the bands here are excellent
the clubs here are great
the football here might not be awesome, but it’s here and on ALL the time
the art is wicked
the sense of humour is fantastic
the opportunity to shine here and have a great time is right here and now, so just dive right in. whinge for 2 weeks and then let it go 🙂

Comment by lauren

and mayo on chips is the only way to have them, andy (unless you’re from the stinkin’ midlands, then you have to have curry sauce, apparently, boo hiss)

Comment by lauren

Oi Lauren …

1. There’s NO WAY mayo is the ‘chip topping’ of choice for any true Brit. Curry Sauce, Mushy Peas, Lumpy Gravy or classic Salt & Vinegar is the ONLY way to go. Unless you’re a heathen.

2. The Midlands is bad enough without trying to suggest Andy comes from there also. He’s a Laaaaandoner and they can keep him!

Comment by Rob

Send all relocation expenses to Mr. R. Campbell c/o Cynical World.

Comment by John Dodds

Mayo on chips, the only way to have them? Lauren, I’m curious – you aren’t from Holland, are you?

As for the rest..he coffee is sheiße – what do you expect, we’re tea drinkers.

the water is sheiße – Dinnae know about that. It’s definitely better in the Midlands (as are the chips).

the banks are sheiße – In your (cough cough HSBC) experience. Mine is great.

the weather is sheiße [except for the last 2 days, where it has been absofuckinlutely beautiful – please give my thanks to Mother Nature, God] – Spoken like a true Aussie. I LIKE the weather.

the pub food here is sheiße – Only in a Wetherspoons..most of the rest is fine.

the customer service here is sheiße – Can’t argue with this one. 😉

the time that everything closes here is sehr sheiße – Yes.

and the cost of living is übersheiße! – In London yep, everywhere else, nope.

Curry sauce is really the only way to go. Salt as well. Mmmm..

Comment by Vishnu

Dear John … our company is called CYNIC, only our website is called cynical-world.

Hope this clears up any confusion.

Thank you.


Comment by Rob

Yeah, pick on the germans, I’ve had enough of the anti america ranting on this blog.

Comment by Billy Whizz

Did you get that Seb? Receipts to Rob at CYNIC.

Comment by John Dodds

ooh, look at the hindu god showing his true colours and getting defensive!! ha!

and rob, i promise i wasn’t suggesting that andy was a midlander – he’s far too much of a rude bastard for that! and i happily compromise on salt & vinegar on chips, if we have to share chips 🙂

see seb – london is ALL about the chips… ha!

Comment by lauren

woo. got that, will send every receipt to Rob at CYNIC. will you pay for chips red-white? and for my new sneakers that are called trainers here? and for everything else? and, before you answer, think about your karma.
Sorry, Will, did not get the mail. But I am quite busy saying goodbye to some people, so maybe I missed it. Wait, no. Didn’t get it. And Rob, wasn’t you the guy telling us “Uh, I won’t post in the next weeks” but is posting like hell at the moment. you’re no more the Bob Geldof of advertising but the Pete Doherty of blogging.

Comment by Seb

Seb, your woweewoo email address has mail. Check the link out…it’s very reasonable (and useful).

Comment by Will

Or woweewow, even. 🙂 Click here if it’s still not come through matey:

Comment by Will

as i learned in the last couple of weeks, your’s is the place where all you guys meet mostly.
and i wanted to leave a quick note for you.

as blogging itself was a closed book for me (i mean why would someone basically write down his whole life, why would someone
take a macBook to the bedroom, why would someone spend a g e s in the web, why would someone send weird messages like ‘I eat soup’ via twitter…….!?),
i have to admit that i had to learn and i have to say sorry for all my prejudice. i found out, that you obviously can meet nice people. and i mean really nice people!

as seb did. I just wanted to say that i am incredibly impressed how
you all supported him with that w+k thing in any way.

as he is leaving to london now, it seems that he already has a perfect circle of friends,
even if he has not physically met them all(yet!). i know you will take care of him, even he’s going to have his chips red-white.

you’re all great.
meike (seb’s girlfriend)

Comment by meike

Now that’s scary. My girlfriend wrote her first comment ever. I am out boys, not safe here no more, ha.

Comment by Seb

Hurrah, I’ve taken the blog-comment-virginity of Jill, Eva and now Meike … that makes me a stud in my book.

Meike, your attitude towards blogs is exactly the same as my other half [and me to a certain degree] but the reason I actually keep writing my pointless bollocks IS because for some reason, a lovely bunch of people come here and happily express their clever/mental/funny/weird views without [1] ever resorting to calling me a prick and [2] helping me form a bigger, better, more interesting viewpoint.

I seem to have this reputation for being a grumpy old fuck … but I’m not, I am just someone who wants talent, imagination, bravery, mischieviousness and humanity to prevail … and when your bloke stupidly fell onto my blog and showed his passion and talent, I – and everyone else here – wanted him to succeed in whatever direction he took.

It’s not some ‘fan club’ … if he was shit we wouldn’t be that vocal in his support, but he’s not and for that reason alone, we all felt as much joy about him going to WK as he did.

It’ll be tough for you both with him in the UK, but you’ll work it out because as much as Seb likes to think he’s a cutting-edge-cool-bastard, he’s a sentimental bugger and that’s ultimately what will help him be more than just a top creative, but a top bloke too.

Enough of my Oscar stuff – but I am glad you came and said hello and I hope you both do many more times.

Comment by Rob

Sounds like that’s a book on the dustiest shelf in the Dustown library. :O) And just because we don’t call you one……

Enjoy your holiday.

Comment by John


[never say never, rob]


Comment by lauren

Uberprick and you can quote me on that till review time 🙂

Comment by Billy Whizz

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