Filed under: Crap Campaigns In History
Thanks to Age, I can now lead you to the bollocks television commercial for the Nurofen ad I slagged off here.
Go and see it then come back and read the rest of this post.
Off you go then …
Back? Already? Did you really watch it?
Alright … alright … I believe you.
Wasn’t it a total pile of bollocks. Seriously shit?
Well now read what the CD of EURO says to justify his abomination on society …
“We not only wanted to give the product an elite positioning, but we wanted to use humour and suspense for cut-through and engagement. We believe we have redefined what has up until now been a very predictable category”.
OK … I have some issues with all this.
1. WHAT THE FUCK IS ELITE ABOUT THAT POSITIONING?
Seriously, blatantly ripping off a shit movie from 8 years ago is hardly progressive and high-end.
Come to think of it – what does ‘elite positioning’ actually mean in the first place?
2. WHERE IS THE HUMOUR?
I’ve watched and re-watched the ad and have come to the conclusion the only people who would find it funny are the sort of sad-fucks who stay in on a Saturday night to watch “[Insert Country] Funniest Home Videos”
3. WHERE IS THE SUSPENSE?
I’ve had more edge-of-the-seat moments watching the ‘Antiques Roadshow’ than that 30 seconds of crap could ever produce.
Now I appreciate Rowan [the CD of Euro] has to defend his work – but if he really believes that is great advertising [even in the shitty ‘headache pill category’] then I suggest he takes 500 Nurofen or however many it takes to stop him talking absolute fucking shite in the public domain.
I HATE this sort of thing – especially as the mediocre-middle-management-client probably believes it’s truly ‘cutting edge’ mainly because the slimey account management team told them “THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THIS IN THE CATEGORY” and they blindly took this as a ‘good thing’.
Well it’s not a good thing and it’s not a good ad.
It’s not interesting, engaging, humouress, suspenseful, cut-through, engaging or motivating. Infact it’s shit in every way possible … utilising all the cliche elements a brand with nothing to say falls back on in a desperate bid to justify their outrageous media spend when all they are really doing is investing in audio and visual pollution/wallpaper that either is being avoided or laughed at by the general public.
[By the way, can anyone explain to me why after she set off the alarm, she did a bunch of fucking cartwheels rather than just run over to the fucking jewellery? And what a surprise, another ad making men [security guard] look total thick fuckwits. ARGH!]
This isn’t advertising … it’s badvertising … and I hate everything and everyone who had something to do it.
[Though to be fair, the TVC does have better production values than the print, which is what the original rant was all about, hahaha. Mind you, this leads to another HATE of mine … which is when a print ad is basically a still from the TV ad. When will companies learn that isn’t idea intergration, that’s fucking execution duplication – and I’ll be going on a humungous rant about that when I’ve calmed down from this heaving pile of shit!]
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Is is wrong to say that when I read such venomous anger it gives me a hard on? I am back to being your biggest fan but only while you stay in your Geldof anger persona, not the Oprah one. KILL KILL KILL
Comment by Billy Whizz July 31, 2007 @ 11:15 amDon’t make Robert angry, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Andy will be proud, I know I am.
Comment by George July 31, 2007 @ 11:18 amYou’re right George – I am filled with a rage that could turn me green, I’m already red!!!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 11:24 amI feel so proud about this post, it’s by far the most venomous you’ve been in a long time!
Comment by Age July 31, 2007 @ 12:49 pmWell I’m glad I’ve made you happy – because this post has anger surging through my veins. Now as you’re so happy, nip over to …
http://www.robcampbell.wordpress.com/2007/07/31/hair-off/
… and vote on Emah’s hair, and know it also has the benefit of showing you as a new-age-guy!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 12:54 pmThe tv ad is better… but only just.
Some people just dont get it, even though they are paid hansomely to do just that…
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 3:12 pmToo angry to comment on this, which is comment enougn I think.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 5:04 pmI really, really hate wanky long words and prentention to justify obviously bollocks work. Some people’s titles and office size seem to be inversely proportioned to intelligence, and instinct. Get a bloody grip!!!!!!
NP – does that mean I can’t put ‘data and knowledge insight miner’ on my business card?
😉
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 5:09 pmAn idea I thought of in five minutes about 3 years ago is better than that.
It feels like they came up with the idea first and the planning and justification second.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 5:27 pmCartwheels are visual metaphor for joy of relief provided by the elite product! I thought you spoke fluent marketing bollocks and would have seen that.
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:40 pmElite positioning is wrongheaded thinking of people who believe advertising can create a product’s aura rather than merely reflect it.
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:41 pmYou’re wrong John … I understand Marketing Bollocks … but I would never fucking speak it.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:43 pmFor example, I could announce to the world that you were a man of erudition, wisdom and insight. But that would count for nothing unless your actions had already demonstrated it to those I was trying to convince. OK – bad example.. but you get the point :O)
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:44 pmPoint well made – fluent in marketing bollocks is what I indeed meant. I’m still reeling from Will’s outburst and am not feeling myself this morning. (Coincidentally BBC3 had an hour long documentary on that word last night which is well worth seeing).
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:47 pmOf course I get the point John …
The hero in films doesn’t say, “I’m the hero, I’ve done loads of great stuff” … they let you come to that conclusion having watched the things he/she has does.
OK, another bad example … haha!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:47 pmI’m just praying my Mum doesn’t check that post out – she’s got a long flight soon and I don’t want her getting all stressed out by seeing that word in print, ha!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:48 pmJohn, it’s ok. I’ll go back to being nice. Calm yourself.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 5:49 pmMaybe John needs a Nurofen … or a cup of tea and a nice lie down!
Comment by Robert July 31, 2007 @ 5:50 pmWash your mouth out with soap young William.
Comment by Marcus July 31, 2007 @ 5:51 pmPoor Will … it’s like having 50 Mum’s and Dad’s all chastising him, ha!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:51 pmI recorded that to watch tonight, I hope its alright. BBC 3 and 4 dont often let me down…
Dont worry William, it was really nothing.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 5:53 pmMrs Campbell – he knows not what he does!
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:55 pmThat’s quite funny because last time I watched it, Channel 5 had a load of programming featuring ‘c-words’ – but maybe I’m confusing that with the presenters. BOOM TISH.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:56 pmYou’re a good man John … my Mum will probably like you alot. Almost as much as creeping Marcus.
[Note: I said CREEPING, not CREEPY]
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 5:57 pmMarcus needs the love!
Comment by John Dodds July 31, 2007 @ 5:59 pmI cant believe I referenced the Smiths and no one came down on it…
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 6:00 pmI daren’t ask myself WHEN you referred to The Smiths – but that is a major RED CARD!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 6:04 pmFuck off John.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 6:06 pmWell, Will was getting a berating and you were talking about the C word… so I tried to think of something that would make other people use it!
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 6:06 pmOi Brown … no swearing without the 🙂 … you know the rules!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 6:07 pmWhat a mate you are Mr M!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 6:08 pmOi Campbell you can fuck 🙂 off too.
Sorry Mrs C. 😉
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 6:14 pmThat’s abit better … though I realised I didn’t put a 🙂 on the title of this post.
Everyone has been slack – where are our standards?
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 6:15 pmI try to combine sarcasm, biting insults and good comaradary with friendly chat! Why do you think I like both you AND Andy!
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 6:16 pmi love it when small men use big words and end up making a complete arse of themselves!
Comment by lauren July 31, 2007 @ 6:18 pmGus Hedges syndrome.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 6:20 pm*Sitting on the naughty step*
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 6:23 pmI sense a shift in the blogosphere thing – we’re all up, hungry, energetic and best of all ANGRY!
It’s nice … makes me feel all warm inside.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 6:28 pmIt’s sausage all over again. But with pain killers.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 6:38 pmWith this level of anger, ever considered breeding attack dogs? 🙂
I sense it’d be a nice side earner.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 6:38 pmWho needs dogs when we have errrrrm, everyone on this blog, ha!
Comment by Robert July 31, 2007 @ 6:39 pmDo not start an argument about the Smiths.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:07 pmYou have been warned.
The Smiths are shite. Deal with it NP.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:09 pmI FUCKING HATE THE SMITHS AND WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH ABOUT IT …
To make matters worse, every fucker [ 🙂 ] has been coming up to me today saying,
“Hey Rob, are you going to see The Cure?”
The Cure are the Smiths but for Goth wearing students. Equally criminal.
Now I am going home – the aircon has packed in, I live in Asia where it is permenantly hot and humid and I didn’t sleep much last night.
Thank you all for your comments today – you’ll be happy to know I’ve already written tomorrow’s post and is equally [or slightly less] angry as today’s NUROFEN rant.
Goodnight.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:15 pmAnything with Johnnie Rotten in it was massively, massively overrated Marcus. 😉
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:17 pmWhoa whoa whoa.
Smiths bashing I can just about accept, but I will not have people bashing the Cure (pre 1990).
*grr*
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 7:18 pmAh Rob, not you as well. Jesus.
The Cure are wank, got to agree there.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:18 pmor Johnny Rotten.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 7:18 pm😀
This blog makes me happy.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:18 pmYoung William, let us look at the facts:
1. The Smith WERE shite
2. Anything with John Lydon in it was superb.
Good. Glad we cleared that up.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:23 pmI once worked with a guy who loved to think he was hip but somehow always demonstrated he wasn’t.
[Once called the Smashing Pumpkins the ‘FLAMING Pumpkins’ and said The Verve’s ‘Northern Soul’ album was called ‘Yorkshire Soul’]
Don’t think he’s a wanker – he’s not, infact he is one of the nicest, smartest people [especially in adland ever] you could hope to meet, he’s just abit crap with things like this.
Anyway a few years ago he went to see The Cure in Sydney.
While he was at the gig, the bloke next to him [a complete stranger] asked why he didn’t seem to be enjoying himself.
Sarge goes, “Oh it’s because I only really like the early Cure stuff”
To which the bloke next to him say’s, “But this is from 1982!”
Wonderful …
Infact I’m going to call Sarge tomorrow – so thanks for bringing that up. Right, I’m off now.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:23 pmCampbell’s a Queen fan, any opinions he has on music are therefore worthless.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:24 pmYou fucker … after I sent you a nice email, which admitidlly you still haven’t got.
[Can you check please, I want to go home!]
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:26 pmCleared it up? Not a chance.
Oh, and The Clash were twice the band the Sex Pistols/PiL ever could be.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:27 pmJohn Lydon is brilliant. The Cure have made some amazing songs. And though the Smiths are patchy, there is still genius in that combination of catchy jangly guitar and lyrics that accurately described the world they were in.
Dont stress Mr C, boys dont cry…
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 7:28 pmThe Clash … The Cure … The Sex Pistols … The Smiths …
Could they ever write a song as moving and powerful as ‘Fat Bottomed Girls?’
I rest my case. Ahem.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:28 pmSex Pistols < Clash < PiL
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 7:28 pmRob – some people have memory blind spots, I think.
I’m bloody terrible with names, for example.
Btw, got your email.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:29 pmAnd Johnny Marr is to Guitar Gods what Findus Crispy Pancakes is to Michelin Restaurants.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:30 pmWill were there 8 people in the Clash then?
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:30 pmRob M – Not a chance. Ever listened to The Clash’s live album, ‘From Here to Eternity’? Brilliance, and it’ll make you re-evaluate.
Rob – You’ve just named the song I sing along to when I’ve had a few jars. It’s no ‘You’re The One For Me Fatty’ though. 😉
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:31 pmAnd Marcus, you’ve been in Germany too long….Hasslehof, Falco et al are ruining your ability to judge.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:33 pmROCK ME AMADAUS WAS A CLASSIC*
Comment by Robert July 31, 2007 @ 7:34 pm* of shite 🙂
Comment by Robert July 31, 2007 @ 7:35 pmI’m going for a cigarette. When I come back I expect young William to have done his homework (checked his back issues of Smash Hits) and then we can have a sensible conversation – although by the time I come back I suspect a slight change of heart.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:35 pmFalco was from Austria NP. Mind you so was that other chap…
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:36 pmWho? Heidi? She was a right bitch with those cow bells.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:37 pmHeidi was a girl Rob. And she hated the Smiths too.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:38 pmAnd that other chap claimed Austria as part of Germany.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:41 pmName me one decent German act (apart from Kraftwerk and I’ll back down).
Boney M.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:43 pmRammstein.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:45 pmYou are not serious, I said decent. I win, Brown loses.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:46 pmNo chance Marcus. I’ve been working. You know, work?
The Clash, The Jam, The Smiths.. all many many times better than The Sex Pistols, or PiL.
And yes, music debates can go on for years. So be a good chap and admit that NP and myself are right. 😉
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:47 pmAre you forgetting the mighty Scorps NP? Do you want the link to my iPod singing to remind you?
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 7:47 pmIf you put it to the vote NP ( The Smiths vs Boney M) I would win.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:47 pmNo I do not. I meant good, as in good, irony free, no ‘so bad it’s good’ bollocks please.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:48 pmHasselhoff ended the Cold War. Got to be worth something, you know..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3465301.stm
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:49 pmGlad to see you’ve made the acquaintance of work… although your musical tastes would indicate that you are still a student.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:49 pmI challenge you NP to the vote. Irony free. I’ll battle you for it. Loser has to fly to the other person and buy them a beer.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:51 pmNot a chance. I like all sorts of music. I just thought I should reference groups you’d heard of.
🙂
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:51 pmThank god for google then Will because you sure as hell didn’t find those bands in Smash Hits.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:53 pmOh, and Marcus…I’ll write a post in a little while that you and Colman will be happy about.
Nothing to do with music.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:53 pmI accept the challenge, can’t afford the flight though. Not that I would lose, but just in case.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:54 pmThe thrill of being right is more than enough.
You do my memory (and taste) a disservice Mr Brown.
I’ve never read a music magazine from cover to cover. It seems they are written by people who like bubblegum pop, or angry journos who think music started and finished with PiL. 😉
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:55 pmI can’t afford the flight either, but that’s the point. Put the money you don’t have where your mouth is.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:55 pmRight, bollocks to you. You’re on you musically challenged Kraut.
Comment by NP July 31, 2007 @ 7:57 pmWilliam, I apologise for doing your memory a disservice. I forgot that any young planner worth his salt downs Omega 3 capsules as if they were prozac.
Again. Sorry.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 7:58 pmShit, you’ve uncovered my fish oil addiction. How did you know?
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 7:59 pmPressure getting to you already NP? Heavens!
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 8:00 pmResearch and segmentation William. Research and segmentation.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 8:00 pmGoing through my bins hardly qualifies as segmentation..but it’s taught me a lesson.
London Calling is on in the background..right, I’m going to do some work.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 8:03 pmRammstein are german and bloody good.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 8:08 pmWhat about Nena? What. About. Nena?!!
This blog is back to its ‘ignore-what-Rob-wrote-and-go-off-on-total-tangent’ best.
And Nena was tops for a one-hit wonder – but when I asked Jill for another German band, she said … and I quote …
“What about those bald blokes who looked like Nazi’s? Right Said Fred – they were German weren’t they?”
OH
MY
GOD
What am I getting myself in for … do you think this qualifies as an official Jillyism.
Oh … and Alphaville were alright … Big In Japan and Forever Young were semi decent songs [for the 80’s. by Germans] – with the latter being blatantly ripped off by The Farm who sang ‘Altogether Now’
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 8:42 pmNP is going down. Boney M rule. The Smiths are shite. Start looking at those flight times NP.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 8:46 pmMarcus is to site visits what Posh & Becks are to magazine sales.
I’ve just checked my stats and today has seen the highest number of visits to my site since it began a little over a year ago.
How I wish it was because of my intelligent, witty and insightful posts – but we all know that has sod all to do with it – and in a mental sort of way, I’m quite happy about that.
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 8:56 pmI’m backing Boney. (Its a campaign badge too)
Comment by charlesfrith July 31, 2007 @ 8:59 pmI’m with Boney M … 100% … but then I’d back the Brotherhood of Fucking Man next to The Smiths!
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 9:00 pmOh … unless people like posts about womens hairstyles – maybe that’s the secret to attracting the masses.
Next week – NP parts his hair – do we prefer it swaying to the left or the right?
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 9:01 pmNature has already parted his hair for him. With a lawn mower.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 9:03 pmNena were one hit wonders, but the second single that flopped over here was actually pretty good.
Germany also has a number of decent industrial/gothy bands, but thats about the only genre in which they are good!
Shame really that the nation that gave us Kraftwerk has failed to ever provide a band half as good.
Boney M, with a fake guy who didnt sing on the record. The guy whose voice it actually was then managed Milli Vanilli…
But Marcus, you are 100% on JL and PiL…
Bigmouth strikes again.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 9:05 pmYou’re all boys with thorns in your sides. But what difference does it make?
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 9:07 pmHang on Rob M. That’s not quite right about Boney M. Frank Farin managed, produced and wrote the music for both Boney M and Milli Vanilli.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 9:09 pmI wouldn’t let you get away with that on my blog William.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 9:10 pmYes, and Frank Farian also did the male vocals that the other guy mimed to in Boney M.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 9:19 pmYes, you’re right. He got him in to dance like a big daddy cool.
Comment by marcusbrown July 31, 2007 @ 9:22 pmBy all accounts he was Russia’s greatest love machine…
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 9:28 pmEh? Was his name Ivor Biguncoppingov?
Comment by Rob July 31, 2007 @ 9:38 pmOh dear.
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 9:39 pmThat joke was last told a LONG time ago in Bethlehem (so the holy bible says).
I heard it was told by a Chinese philosopher, who later said – ‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day’.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 10:01 pmI shall shout at you on behalf of my (british born) fiancee’s chinese family.
*RAR!!*
Comment by Rob Mortimer July 31, 2007 @ 10:34 pm*Sits back on the naughty step*
Sigh.
Comment by Will July 31, 2007 @ 11:11 pmYou have to sit there and think about what you did.
When you are ready to apologise individually to every Chinese person in the world you shall be allowed to have desert.
Kai Lai says you must sit there for a minute for every year of your age.
Comment by Rob Mortimer August 1, 2007 @ 2:54 amevening all. i’ve had such a great day! the installation is going really well, life is toptastic (sorry marcus), the weather is superb, australian dried apricots arrived in the mail! it’s all ace!
Comment by lauren August 1, 2007 @ 5:03 amnot even another stupid pissing contest over musical taste could spoil my wicked day!
Not even my inability to drink and eat without covering my face in it?
Comment by John Dodds August 1, 2007 @ 5:24 amAnd the Smiths and the Cure were completely overrated. Fact.
Comment by John Dodds August 1, 2007 @ 5:25 amnot even.
Comment by lauren August 1, 2007 @ 5:58 amI know its going to be a great day when I wake up and see the mayhem on this blog. But I work in advertising which has a habit of fucking up fate, ha.
2 things …
1. What is wrong with TOPTASTIC? It’s like my fucking ‘catchphrase’ and can’t work out [a] how Lauren has latched onto it unless [God forbid for her] she is me in female form [but with more swearing and piercings] and [b] why Marcus would hate it so much – but he is a weird man in a lovely way.
2. John – you are fast becoming this blogs social commentator and while I don’t know if that is a good thing [for you, let alone us] I like it … I like it alot.
OK – now go read todays rant – another anti-agency binge. YAY.
Comment by Rob August 1, 2007 @ 7:26 amSarah is out so I sat down and read through all these comments and its put a huge smile on my face. I love this blog, its technological prozac.
Comment by Pete August 1, 2007 @ 10:30 amRob, I love you like a brother but “toptastic” is simply unacceptable.
Morning.
Comment by Marcus August 1, 2007 @ 2:23 pmWell if you love me like a brother, you’ll love me and all my toptastic ‘flaws’
Comment by Rob August 1, 2007 @ 2:32 pm