The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

When It All Began …
June 12, 2007, 7:10 am
Filed under: Comment

Birthday-cake in Hamburg

37 years ago at 22:10GMT, the first … and only … child of Roger and Fiorella Campbell was born.

5ilbs 5oz of screaming jaundice.

Apparently I looked so dodgy my Dad wanted the hospital to ‘double check’ I was the right kid.

It obviously affected them deeply because they lost all hold on their senses and decided to call me HOWARD!


However an angel stepped in the form of a passing nurse … who having heard what my hour-old parents said, told them, “I don’t think he looks like a Howard”

Within seconds, sanity was restored and they decided to lumber me with the far less bully-friendly ‘Robert’ instead.

I owe so much to that nurse.


I’ve written loads about how great my childhood was and without doubt, my birthday was always a highpoint of the year. 

I would get so excited about ‘the day’ that I’d not sleep for days prior – which always went down well with my parents as I am sure you can imagine, ha.

I’d get really, really cool stuff … one year it would be a Raleigh BMX Tuff Burner [with original skyways] the next a [admittedly, bloody small] snooker table … then of course I’d always have a really great party with my nearest 15 friends [ha!] – eating sausages-on-sticks, tizer, monster munch and ham sandwiches before heading off to see some cheesy blockbuster at the Nottingham ABC or maybe going to the 10 Pin Bowling Alley. [Which I stopped doing when Chris Bird kept winning, ha!]

Then the curse of great presents happened. I hit double digits. 

Suddenly friends would no longer buy pressies, they’d simply hand over some cash or [God forbid] a crappy WHSmith book voucher.  Infact for years, my best mate Paul [who is 4 days younger than me] would give me 5 quid, only for me to give him the exact same note back 4 days later.

Oh the innocence of it all … though I have to admit it did cross my mind to only give him 2 pounds to see what he’d do! Ha.

Anyway, those great, great days are now in the past – I’m 37 today – mature, responsible and wiser [ahem] … so can someone out there please explain why I’d still kill to be surrounded by nicely wrapped electronic shite that’ll fall apart within 2 days of playing with it … or at the very least, shoving a Sherbet DibDab in my gob and then pretending I’m frothing at the mouth?

Actually on second thoughts, don’t tell me – I can guess the answer. 

 Mr Mature!

29 Comments so far
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From each and everyone of us at cynic, we wish you a wonderful, electronic filled, (client) hassle free birthday. Hope to see you soon, we all miss having you around.

Comment by Cynic Family

thank god its your birthday, im starving and can have your cake in the morning. 🙂

Comment by andy@cynic

oh and you have magnificent tits

Comment by andy@cynic

I refuse to acknowledge your birthday till its June 12th, US time.

Comment by Billy@cynical-world

Happy Birthday Rob. Hope you have a great day, can’t wait to see you next week but please leave the breasts behind.

Comment by Pete

Is it a happy birthday at your age? I don’t think so and judging by Marcus’ blog, he doesn’t think so either. Still all the family send their love and wish you a wonderfully average day.

Comment by George

Happy Birthday you old bugger, hope it’s a good one. I don’t believe I’m going to say this, but come back soon because it’s too well behaved without you. Love the blog, love what you stand for, hate your dress sense.

Comment by David Glass

Well you can tell Katerina wrote the first post as that’s the only nice one of the lot – but I am grateful for your abuse and look forward to getting the birthday cheques which must currently be lost in the post – afterall, what other explanation could there be for not getting them?

And David, I will remind you what you said next time I present a campaign idea to you and you reply, “But that’s mental”. 🙂

PS: George, I’ve seen Marcus’ post and have ‘replied’ in the manner you would expect.

Comment by Rob

Happy bday Rob! GREAT TITS!!!

Have a bloody awesome day.

Comment by Age

Many happy returns and thanks for some great laughs and proper ad passion on this blog. Oh.. and can I have a suck on your tits please.

Comment by Charles Frith

I didn’t know that plastic could be aroused. Amazing.

Comment by Marcus

Happy Birthday!

I too was a yellow baby… scared the life out of my mum apparently!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Charles and Marcus … there are websites for your particular tastes!

Comment by Rob

Hello Mr M …

Maybe our jaundice was a sign of our future relationships with the ‘East’ … but that’s a very racial and cliched comment to say isn’t it, ha

Comment by Rob

I was hoping no one would go there, sadly you packed a bag and flew Business Class!

Story goes I was taken to the doctor who said I was fine, and then my mum took me into another room where they were giving a demonstration of something; the leader of the group picked me up and said “As you can see, these baby is severely jaundiced”

To which my mum panicked like mad!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Anything planned for the big day?

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Look at my post Mr M … this is what 37 year old men do to try and still feel young!

Comment by Rob

I was also a jaundiced child.

And it was my birthday on Sunday. The best folks are born in June Rob..

Have a bloody brilliant day.

Comment by Will

Ooh yeah, Happy Birthday Will!
I meant to send you a message on Facebook…oops!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Happy Birthday for errrrm, last Sunday Will – and by the looks of it, you’re getting a brilliant pressie. Just got your email, that makes me happy!

Comment by Rob

said it before, will say it again.. happy birthday mr. nice feather boa (everyone else has commented on your rack, i’ll leave it to them).

and i don’t particularly want to marry a prince, or Prince, but thanks for the sentiment, i think 🙂

gotta run.

Comment by lauren

It makes me happy too Rob – nothing definite yet, so I’m waiting and seeing. I have responded to your email.

Again – hope it’s been a cracking day thus far (looks it).

Comment by Will

Nice pair

Comment by NP

All that time away, and THATS your returning gift to the world?!


Comment by Rob Mortimer

I personally thought it looked like you and Mr M hanging from my chest!

Comment by Rob

Hah. Thanks.
My nose isnt that pink…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

…but I have a fetching mosquito bite on y bald head that looks a little like the left breasticle.
This all feels very wrong.

And very happy birthday.

Comment by NP

Yes … it is VERY wrong, but that’s why it’s so great to have you back. PLUS you are proving my Mother right in her comment which you can see at …

Comment by Rob

Happy belated birthday Robert. Hope you had a wonderfully decadent time. J x

Comment by Jemma King

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