The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Feb 14th: Guilt-Trip Love Day.
February 14, 2007, 3:17 am
Filed under: Comment

my valentine heart

So it’s Valentines Day and despite getting engaged a few days ago, I’ve left the missus behind and am in Hong Kong. What a nice man I am eh!

Let me start by saying I like flowers. Not enough to start doing any gardening I should add, but I do like them and that doesn’t make me a ponce!

Flowers are pretty, smell nice and make your home look great.

They come in all colours, fragrances and ‘designs’ plus they can make a woman ‘drop her pants’ in the blink of an eye. Unless you buy dead crocus’s of course .. then they buy a duffel coat and do all the buttons right up to the top AND fold their arms over their chest! Ring any bells Mr Vener?

Anyway, as flowers grow out the ground all over the World … even in my gardenI can only assume Florists use ribbon made of gold to tie the bunches up – because what other reason could there be for charging 8 million dollars for a couple of roses!!!

Hell, daffodils are almost like bloody weeds yet florists somehow justify charging a soddin’ fortune for them … especially horrible when I could ‘borrow’ them from a neighbours garden for free!

They even have the nerve to charge a few bucks for a card to write your message on.

Yes, yes, they do supply a ‘free’ card but this is either so flimsy thin or bad taste that by using it, you’ll be remembered for your lack of judgment than for giving a beautiful bouquet.

Then comes Valentine’s Day. The Day Of Love. Of Profit.

As if Florists weren’t charging enough already, they DOUBLE their prices to put that final nail into the coffin of exploitation. Can someone, anyone explain to me how one shop in Sydney can justify charging $150 [+$15 delivery] for 12 manky, thorn-ridden roses!!! AND THEN CAN’T EVEN GUARANTEE THEY’LL BE RED!!!

$150!!! 

You could [allegedly] hire a high class prostitute for that. Well, for at least 2 minutes, but lets be honest here, that’s about as much time as most blokes would need!!!

Valentine’s Day has lost its true meaning. Rather than showing love, it is a profit making exercise for Florist and Card Manufacturers.

How can women feel special when men are basically ‘pressured’ into participating. That’s not love … that’s nagging.

People should show ‘love’ 365 days a year, not once, and if some lady really thinks getting flowers on Valentine’s Day proves he loves her, then the alternative view is that he only did it because he didn’t want the insecure, dumpy bird he met and snogged while pissed at a nightclub 2 weeks prior, to get all moody on him when he wants a quiet night at home.

Normally I would send my ‘Valentine’ [read: Jill] a gift on a day other than 14th Feb … because it is something I wanted to do, rather than feel ordered to do [plus it would make me look even cooler to her work colleagues, ha!] … however, given I’ve just coughed up a small fortune on a piece of carbon to wear on her finger, she’ll just have to do without this year, ha.

Saying all that, we did a wonderful campaign for a florist in 2002 using the ‘circumstantial cultural evidence’ bollocks we bang on about. [or … as Andy keeps whinging about … as read in ‘Freakonomics’]

Anyway, we were approached by a rather well known florist chain to promote Valentine’s Day but rather than do the usual ‘Lovey Dovey’ stuff, we saw that around the World, the attack on the Twin Towers had dramatically changed the way people were living …

Classic ‘savings’ accounts at Banks had become popular again.

Love songs were topping the charts all around the World.

The cinemas were full of both romantic comedies and Arnie-esque ‘Tough Guy’ films for the first time in years

Home improvement expenditure had gone through the roof.

Family holidays were back ‘in vogue’ as were sit-down family dinners.

Church attendances had gone up. [But then so had Harley Davidson sales!]

There was lots more … but I think you get the idea.

Anyway, all this smacked of the World going through abit of ‘humanity-love-fest’ … a need to bond and re-connect … a need to get back to the important things in life … a need to feel emotions again … and so we advised our client to ‘change’ Valentines Day from ‘love of an individual’ to ‘love of all people who are important’ and [cue: drumroll] sales increased 596%

OK … OK … so we helped a client profit from a tragedy – but at least a lot more people felt good about life that day PLUS it was our first real foray into this ‘circumstantial cultural evidence’ area we now embrace in all we do.

Of course the client tried to use the same strategy the following year … but Bush had pissed the whole World off by then, so we were all back in our ‘materialism, greed and instant-gratification’ phase, so it bombed … however I do think the real power of communication is knowing/understanding ‘cultures and life issues’ rather than just focusing on soddin’ categories!

Anyway, you’ll be able to read all about it once Andy has finished our bloody book. Probably in 2057!

Hmmmmn, I’m going off on a complete tangent now aren’t I?  Well, at least I’m inkeeping with the people who post comments on here. 

Lets face it, I could write about Neo-Nazi’s and within 2 comments there would be comments about sausages, fuzzy felt or the colour beige. 

Oh well, toodle-pip for now and may you all get tons of cards, flowers and choccies.

Cupid Stunt!


33 Comments

toodle pip and wah-wah! nice rant. i’m trying to start a new tradition by also having a rant each valentine’s day. feels much better than buying a bunch of over-priced sex organs 🙂 what was it you were saying about roses being the same price as a hooker?

Comment by lauren

Can I point out that my ‘suggestion’ as to the price of high-priced hookers was NOT from personal experience. Thank you.

Comment by Rob

I once got dumped on Valentines day.
I was 16.
I wish the international day of lurrrve was on the 29th of February rather than the 14th because then I’d only have to be reminded of my depressing, empty life every 4 years.
Congratulations on finding happiness Rob.
Bastard.

Comment by Baz M

EMERGENCY SAUSAGE VOTING REQUIRED:
http://marcus-brown.blogspot.com/2007/02/sausage-versus-bacon-american.html

Comment by Marcus Brown

[…] Comments Marcus Brown on Feb 14th: Guilt-Trip Love Day.Baz M on Feb 14th: Guilt-Trip Love Day.Rob on Feb 14th: Guilt-Trip Love Day.lauren on Feb 14th: […]

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I don’t like being told what to do on valentines day, I show Mrs NP I love her everyday.

Comment by Northern Planner

make sure you do or youll end up having to earn cash just to keep the lazy bitches in the lifestyle you got them accustomed to.

Comment by andy@cynic

Its a shame that such a positive day is turned every year into a profit making rip off.

Its not the flowers that are the biggest scum, its the card manufacturers. How on earth can they justify me paying £5 for a bit of carboard with an envelope. Its disgusting.

If anything proves how much we love people, its that we are prepared to bypass our moral outrage for one day just to show them what they mean to us.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

But I know one or two people who make a special effort on one day and then do nothing for the rest of the year.
Doing a special day just because works better for me..

Comment by Northern Planner

…but nice argument anyway Mr Mortimer

Comment by Northern Planner

I am glad Lauren wrote on this post or we’d all look like a bunch of sad-bastard, tight-walleted men.

Just heard from Jill that her colleague is in shit because his missus didn’t get any flowers from him. The best bit is that he had bought her some – its just the florist said they’ve been too busy today and would have to deliver them tomorrow. Only in Asia.

Comment by Rob

You have to make an effort throughout the year, but as a concept the day is a very positive and meaningful thing. Just a shame that instead of companies creating a solid relationship they just try to rip you off.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Be fair to him NP … Rob is under huge pressure because it’s not just Valentines day, but also Chinese New Year so its give, give, give. Ha

Comment by Rob

Abit like Christmas, Easter, CNY etc etc …

Comment by Rob

Its a busy time for me, valentines day, CNY, brothers birthday in late feb, 5 yrs with the girlfriend in early March, then my birthday in mid march.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Nice … you managed to gain sympathy AND notify us of your impending birthday all in one post.

Comment by Rob

5 years, well done Rob. I’ll ignore the shameless birthday plug

Comment by Northern Planner

Haha! That wasnt actually the idea, but I suppose it did work out that way!

A gift certificate for Walls sausages would be nice, I already sent them an email about our Sausage competition.

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Let me clarify, the birthday plug wasnt the idea; NOT the 5years bit!

Thanks NP!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Well done Mr Mortimer – especially telling WALLS about the sausage competition, I like people who DO rather than say.

FIVE YEARS??? Jesus … a ring has to be due any day now doesn’t it? I know a good jeweller – though I wish you’d told me about this a few months ago, maybe I could have got a 2-For-1 offer, ha

Comment by Rob

Haha, yes I think it does. Just waiting to afford a decent one; which was delayed a bit by the house!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

And the Wii!

Comment by Rob

Well, that was decided upon before we even thought about getting a house!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Priorities …

Comment by Rob

Exactly!
Ive waited forever to be able to buy a console on launch day, and I wasnt missing out for another 5 years!

The house was a sudden idea that made sense a few months later!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

unfortunately rob, i don’t speak on behalf of all womankind. despite my plans for world domination, there are still a bunch of degenerates who don’t really deserve that extra X who are still pinning the world of expectation of love and affection on an arbitrary date in the Hallmark planning year. i have no excuses for them.

Comment by lauren

Good man Mortimer, good man. I trust when you’re engaged there will be no weding until you’ve got wii mark 4 or whatever it is

Comment by Northern Planner

One of my business partners once said to a woman, ” … how come you want equality then scream ‘women and children first’ whenever there is an incident’.

Comment by Rob

and then what happened?

Comment by lauren

I assume he woke up in hospital with his appendages in plaster…

Dont think i’ll wait that long, seems pointless to agree to do something then wait years to actually do it!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

He was screamed at Lauren – but after numerous weddings, engagements and divorces – it’s all water off a ducks back for him, hahaha!

Good on you Rob – I am in total agreement as you may find out soonish. [But not THAT soonish, ha]

Comment by Rob

[…] If you’re wondering what I’m talking about with that post headline, you can click here. […]

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