The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I Don’t Like Golf, Wine, Computer Servers or BMW’s!!!

In the last 12 months, I have flown a rather scary 178 times … and with all those flights, I have visited 23 different countries and 35 different cities.

I think it’s fair to say that means I fly quite alot.

And eachtime I go into an airport … regardless of which city or country I’m in … I get bombarded with ad upon ad upon ad and yet for all this communication, guess how many ‘ads’ have I actually noticed.

One

Now given my job, I tend to notice communication, so it’s somewhat alarming that in the majority of cases, the ads just haven’t grabbed my attention.  I should point out that it’s not because they’re all bad [though there is an alarming volume of totally shite ones] it’s because in the majority of cases, the ads just aren’t relevant to me or my life.

Now without sounding like too much of a tosser … I’m doing fairly well for myself.

I have a wonderful home … a house in Sydney … money in the bank … a bunch of handmade guitars … more technological gadgetry than the R&D department of SONY … and to be honest, it’s far more than I deserve, however – and here’s the interesting bit – despite all this material possession, none of the brands in the airports, mean a thing to me.

I would rather drink bleach than own anything Louis Vuitton.

I’d be a complete prat if I bought financial products based on a billboard.

I don’t drink alcohol.

I don’t smoke cigarettes.

Hate golf with a passion. [Well, unless it’s the midnight golf we used to play at Edwalton golf course]

Don’t like sailing.

Think Rolex’s and Tag’s are try-hard.

Not exactly the Ralph Lauren wearing type.

Think anyone with a Vertu phone is a cock. [They’ve just launched one at 330,000 quid!!! I mean, how insecure must you be to want to buy this????]

Don’t give a damn about integrated phone systems’.

Or secure servers.

What is it that makes the brand owners / media planners think that all people who use airports alot aspire to associate with these brands? 

Have they not looked at how people [especially ‘business people’] USE airports? 

Whilst I hate the thought of being defined as a ‘businessman’, with the amount of flying I do, I guess I ‘qualify’ as one [how scary eh? haha!] and I can say my relationship with airports [and I don’t think I’m alone in this] is purely functional – it’s get in, get out. 

And yet according to brand managers/media planners, as we walk through passport control, security and the boarding gate – we make plans to buy Louis Vuitton and Ralph Lauren shirts, update our financial portfolio, buy some whisky and a 200 pack of fags, check out some new golf clubs as well as some sailing gear, update our watch, trade in our Motorola for a Vertu [as long as it is also an integrated phone system] and last but not least, suddenly become our companies IT director and buy some new servers.

OK … OK … I’m being a prick [SHOCK, HORROR!] but it just astounds me how much money is spent on a media channel that has little or no consumer involvement.  Sure, I bet the airport supplies tons of impressive numbers detailing how many high-income people pass through it’s facilities each and every year … but this OPPORTUNITIES TO SEE’ argument is bollocks and outdated.  By that reckoning, I could put an ad on a Motorway lamp-post and then charge thousands of $’s by saying that each and every month, millions of high-earning drivers will pass by it. Total and utter con.

And it gets worse …

Being such a frequent flyer, I am a platinum member of the airline ‘club’. 

All this basically means is that I am allowed to check in via the 1st class aisle regardless of the ‘class’ I’m flying, scoff free food in the lounges and get a free quarterly magazine.

And despite being told by the airline that my ‘individual needs’ are always their priority [not to mention ‘Relationship Marketing’ experts claiming their discipline allows customised communication to be delivered to customers specific needs] what do I get?   Yep … a glossy magazine that has page upon page of golf, wine, investments, BMW’s, Louis Vuitton articles, interspread with page after page of golf, wine, investments, BMW’s, Louis Vuitton advertisements.

As I said, I’m doing alright … but am I that different to other supposedly is a higher-income earners [or more likely, a higher-debt earner, ha!]?   And even if I am – why do fucking ‘server’ companies advertise in airports?  I mean, just how many finance directors/IT directors go through every airport?  I can’t imagine it’s thousands upon thousands … which could mean these ads are some of the most cost inefficient ads in history.

And then there’s the fact almost all the ads talk in the monotone of the corporate mission statement.

EMPOWER YOUR COMPANY TO THE NEXT LEVEL. 

SYNERGIZE YOUR PHONE SYSTEMS. 

MAXIMISE YOUR PORTFOLIO RETURNS. 

GROW YOUR CUSTOMER VALUE RATES.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

To be fair, some brands are trying to at least change abit – in tone of voice if nothing else. 

In the car to my hotel, I saw Hilton’s new magazine … HILT … as in, ‘Live Life To The ….’

You can tell Paris’ influence from the cover can’t you? 

What a shame the content is the same old tat like every other ‘wannabe-status-obsessed mag’.  Seriously, you couldn’t tell the difference between this and a million other mags … and then there’s the issue that a predominantly business-focused hotel is trying to position itself as the hotel for the jetset community.  Sure, the young are getting wealthier and wealthier but it’s not exactly going to appeal to the corporate accountant who chooses which hotels staff will stay at based on factors that don’t include ‘hipness’.

Now there’s big debate over at Gareth’s and Marcus’s blogs about ‘sod the relevance, entertain’ … and whilst I appreciate that entertainment IS incredibly important [and many of these ads could do with a big dollop of it] I still say that regardless of how entertaining an ad is, if it’s not relevant to my needs [and environment] it’s never, ever going to persuade me to change my habits.   And even if these ads make me think more favourably towards a particular brand … I have to ask what the fucking point is if I am never going to buy the thing? 

And companies have the nerve to say ad agencies don’t understand about being financially-responsible!

Look, can someone … anyone … tell me why airport advertising has been deemed ‘the venue for the wealthy’ when it’s ability to actually make an impression has to be even less than a TV ad on Channel 5 at 3pm!   A while back, I wrote about how brands with ‘real status‘ communicate … and let me tell you, there’s not one ad in a single airport that expresses itself in these ways – despite all trying to be seen as ‘badges of success’.

With some clients still questioning the validity of the internet for communication … I find it amazing that so much money can be spent in a channel that has little relevance except being a location that people travel through. What it seems to prove is that much communication [both interms of creation and location] is driven by the ego of the client – both in who they think they are and who they think is interested.

Years and years ago, Andy and I were invited to Harrods to talk to them about their communication needs. 

When we asked who their core customers were, we were told it was ‘the top 5% of the UK’s wealthy’.  In reality, a huge proportion of their customers were/are tourists … people who buy a bunch of souvenirs’ so that they can tell their friends they’ve been to the World famous store and then walk around their neighbourhoods with the famous green bag. 

The reality with many of these ‘luxury brands’ is that it’s all driven by perception … or should I say delusion … and its effectiveness has to be questioned.

No wonder so many consumers don’t like ads when such a high proportion of them are boring, uninteresting, rational pieces of shit … targeted at individuals who are about as far removed from reality as any Hollywood A-Lister.

Ooooooh, I feel so much better after that so here’s a picture of a Malaysin Popstar I saw on the television … or is it North Korean Leader, Kim Jong-Il trying to update his image? 

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