The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Let me start by saying I like crap television – but I have just witnessed a program that transcends 'crap' … infact, this could be a weapon of mass destruction!  Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for 'SINGAPORE IDOL'.

NEVER, EVER have I seen such a shoddy piece of rubbish ….

The contestants?         AWFUL

The judges?               TERRIBLE

The sets?                    DRAB

The hosts?                  PITIFUL

Seriously, if you think the British/American/Indian/Iraqi/Australian/NZ etc etc versions are bad – you have seen nothing yet.

Talentless hopeful, after talentless hopeful slowly shuffle their feet into the Concentration Campesqe studio to warble lyrics that are either …

1. Unintelligible

2. Mumbled

3. Wrong

4. Singlish [a 'special' version of English where meaning and understanding often gets 'lost in translation'.  My fave? The song 'Can't Fight The Moonlight' was sung as 'Camp Fire The Moonlight]

What's worse is that most of them are either dressed in 1994 'New Kids On The Block' clothing OR the latest clobber from 'Accountants World' magazine.

However, even worse than that are the FOUR judges.  [The 2 'men' are below]

I think there's four because Asians are notoriously thin and so it takes 2 to make up the equivalent size of American Idol's resident chubby, Randy Jackson … however, what these 4 lack in size, they more than make up for in absolutely annoyance.

I have no idea what the judges are 'famous' for – because lets be honest, Singapore has hardly set the World alight with it's musical talent – however we have 2 men and 2 women [of which one of the men and women are EX husband and wife – and judging by how camp the bloke is, I am not in the least surprised] who sit there and say one of the following comments after each hopeful has murdered a particularly well-known song …

1. That was really entertaining

2. That was really awful

3. You have real talent

That's it … that's all they say … each and every time – except they always say the wrong comment to the wrong person. 

Seriously, in the whole competition [and we've only had 2 episodes] there's only 3 people with a modicum of talent and the best [a 16 year old girl] was almost kicked out the first round because – get this – the judges felt she made the song 'her own'.  In other words, because she sang a song in a way that really represented her, she was seen as poor as they wanted it to be sung 'just like the original'.  It's Singapore Idol, not Singapore Imitation.  JEEZ!!!!

Finally there's the hosts – heaven help us!

Here are a couple of 'lads' who are trying so hard to be 'hip 'n' happening' but come across like a damp squid.  What's worse is they have all the wit of a deaf mute – so you are subjected to 90 mins of the sort of painful television last witnessed in the 80's when we had a 'Telethon' every week for some sort of charity that needed attention.

I like Singapore – I like Asia – but seriously, this show is more dangerous than a snuff flick!!!  Saying that, for a country that celebrates its own blandness, getting me to rant and rave like a madmen is a major step forward –  as the words 'passion' and 'Singapore' are rarely uttered together.

Sorry about the rant – but if I didn't get it off my chest, my blood pressure would have reached dangerous proportions.  Normal [?] behaviour will be restored tomorrow.