The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But, now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty-five, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so fucking easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet – if we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! – and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the fucking mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up anyway!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the local newsagent! It was either that or jack off to the lingerie section of the Grattan catalogue! Those were your only options!

We didn't have fancy shit like 'Call Waiting'! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a bloody irritating busy signal! And we didn't have fancy 'Caller ID' either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who the fuck it was – it could be your boss, your Mum, a collections agent, a drug dealer, you didn't know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!  

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had a piece of shit Atari 2600 or worse, a Phillips G7000 that sold itself as a personal computer but all you could make it do was show your name on the TV screen in 20 shades of stupid pink!  We didn't get cool games with huge background stories, we had shit like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids' where the graphics sucked serious ass! Your guy was a stupid little square for christsakes! You had to use your imagination! There were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! You could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

Hell, when you went to the movie theatre there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same fucking height so if a tall guy sat in front of you, you got fucked!

And we sure didn't have cable television, back then we had 3 channels and then too huge fanfare, we got a 4th.  We didn't have 100 channels with onscreen programming menu! You had to use a little fucking book called the TV Times to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning … for 10 minutes!!

D'ya hear what I'm saying!?!

You kids today have got it too easy! You're spoilt, goddamn spoilt!  Let me tell you something, you little pricks wouldn't last five minutes back in '78!!!