The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

From watching a creative director projectile vomit over a new clients desk to inadvertently presenting photos of a colleagues genitals on a big screen at a conference and all sorts of weird shit in-between.

The thing is, as mad as those stories are, I know I am not alone in experiencing such moments of madness.

For many years I’ve thought it would be great to try and compile all these stories from around the World so I could publish a book and call it ‘Ridiculous Adventures In Advertising’.

Maybe I will.

Maybe I’ve just given someone else the idea to do it.

Maybe if some of you write your stories in the comments below, it’ll give me the kick-up-the-arse I need to make it happen.

But that’s all by-the-by, because the point of this post is that just recently another of these #onlyinadvertising stories happened to me.

So I was having lunch with someone who works at another agency.

He’s only recently moved to China so wanted to chat through some things about working here.

It was a nice lunch and we talked about a whole host of subjects, but one thing he was really interested in was the role of corruption in society.

This is a really interesting area because while corruption is definitely rife in this country, the fact is not everyone here sees it in the same way as they do in the West.

For many, it’s simply ‘the way business is done’ as opposed to trying to seek an advantage over others.

I remember many years ago being in a conference in Singapore when someone in the audience started saying how corrupt the governments in China and India were. They weren’t very happy when I responded by saying that corruption has many interpretations because while some claim Singapore is the epitome of ethical business behaviour … others could point to the fact the Lee Kuan Yew family – Singapore’s founding family – own [as in financially, as well as influentially] the media, the transport system and – arguably – the countries main investment arm [to name a few] so they’re as corrupt as the nations the audience member was criticising.

Anyway I digress, as usual.

So I was at this lunch and making this point about corruption when my lunch guest started nodding and tapping on his phone.

I asked him what he was doing and he said he had recently read an article that backed my point of view and wanted to show it to me.

Ten seconds later, he thrusts his phone in my hand and while his intention was for me to read the article, I was transfixed by the ad that had appeared at the top of the page …

WHAT THE FUCK!?

I honestly didn’t know what shocked me more.

1. The fact this ad even exists.

3. The fact it must have been served because the guy opposite me – who is about 35 years old – must look at stuff online that the algorithms feel makes him the perfect audience for this execution.

To be honest, my head was spinning so much that I found myself ‘fake-reading’ the article.

For a couple of minutes, I nodded, muttered ‘yes’ and pretended to be moving the page while all the time looking at the ad and wondering what was behind it all … before finally handing him back his phone with the words, “very interesting”.

Then I came to my senses and – spotting a chance to be a bastard – I asked him if he could screen shot the page and email it to me so I could show someone else. And he did, hence the image above.

[If you read this blog – which I hope you don’t – I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, it’s an immaturity affliction]

It won’t come as much of a surprise that the lunch finished shortly afterwards, so while I hope it was all some misunderstanding, the reality is I’ve been shown once again that few industries can attract so many weird people – who do so many weird things – as advertising.

Yes, I know I haven’t worked in too many industries.

Yes, I know there will be some – like film and modelling – that would challenge my proclamation.

But let’s not forget I was a musician, mingling with the weird and wonderful of the international music industry and they STILL didn’t come close to the weird shit I’ve seen in adland.

In some respects, if you take away the dirty elements of the industry, this sort of stuff could be the best ad for joining adland out there.

Well, it could be if you’re a weirdo or slightly twisted.

Oh, and for the record, I didn’t shake his hand goodbye.

Today you are 82.

EIGHTY TWO.

Amazing.

I know you’re feeling tired and can’t do as much as you once did – or as much as you’d now like – but apart from the fact we’re going to get that sorted soon, you’re still more connected, informed and active than many half your age.

I know I’m not with you today, but I’m so glad we were together a few weeks ago and I’m very excited that the next time I see you, I’ll be able to introduce you to your long awaited [very long awaited] grandson.

But this post isn’t about him, it’s about you.

Maybe I don’t tell you enough, but I owe you so much.

I don’t mean that just because without you I wouldn’t exist, but because you – and Dad – taught me values and skills that have let me live a life that I probably don’t deserve to have.

But of all the things you taught me, there is one that I realise is the most important of all and that is to always be interested in what others are interested in.

It took me a long time to really understand what that meant but now I get it.

I used to think it was just about listening to others but it is so much more than that.

Now I realise that unless you are interested in what others are interested in, you’ll never truly understand their perspectives … their dreams … their pain.

Doing this lets you form a more informed view. Have a broader perspective. A greater level of empathy.

It basically helps you be a better human being and while I have a long way to go, I realise that is the best lesson you could ever be taught and why you are such a special person.

Once upon a time … a very long time ago … you asked me what I felt was the meaning of life.

It was a big question. A heavy question. And while I can’t remember exactly what I said, I am pretty sure I spouted some meaningless twaddle.

But I remember what you said.

I remember it with absolute clarity.

You said that you thought it was to leave the planet in a better place through the values, behaviour and ambitions you have encouraged your children to have.

And I hope I can make you feel you’ve achieved that, because not only is it the least that you deserve, I would never ever want to disappoint you.

You are wonderful.

Not just as a Mum – of which you are perfect – but as a person.

I could ask for nothing more and I just hope I can keep repaying you for the love, support and encouragement you have given – and continue to – give me, especially as the older I get, the more I realise how generous you have been. It’s been more than I deserve and more than many other parents would be to their kids.

I hope I can be half as good as that to my son and if I can, it’s the greatest gift you could give to him.

Happy, happy birthday my dear Mum, I love you so much.

And that is why yesterday was a shit day for me.

Advertising is a transitory industry.

People are always coming and going from your life

Sometimes that is for sad – and bad – reasons, but sometimes that is also for good.

You see I have always passionately believed part of my job is to help my colleagues go on to bigger and better things.

That doesn’t just mean in terms of career, but life choices as well.

Over the years I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a bunch of amazing people develop, blossom and then depart for something greater.

Whether that’s to start their own companies, take on massive jobs, try something entirely new or move to the other side of the World to be with someone they love … when its happened, I’ve always been happy because I feel I’ve done something for someone I care about that has helped them see their bigger potential and armed them, albeit in a small way, with the skills or beliefs to go after them.

In all honesty, the worst thing for me is when one of my colleagues leaves to take a job that is pretty much the same as the one they’re already doing.

It doesn’t matter if they are getting a bit more money.

Or a slightly bigger title.

If they’re fundamentally doing the same thing, it hurts … because it means I’ve failed them.

I’ve failed to help them see – and work towards – being something bigger and better than they thought they could be.

I genuinely mean that.

Fortunately that hasn’t happened very often, so I’ve enjoyed many occasions where I’ve been happy, proud and excited that one of my colleagues was about to embark on an adventure they never initially thought possible.

Often an adventure where they’ve been chosen for who they are, not just what they do.

But that still doesn’t make it easy to say goodbye, especially when it means they are leaving the country, not just the job.

And that’s why yesterday was so shit for me, because after 7 years at Wieden – and 4 years working with me – Rodion left the building.

I’ve written about Rodi before … I’ve talked about his talent, his approach, his knowledge of China, his dark humour and – let’s not forget – his albino legs … but he has been so much more than that, especially to me.

That said, it all started very differently.

When I was having my interview with Wieden, I had to meet all the guys who’d be in my team.

In rolls Rodi giving me a look of utter suspicion.

He sits down, leans back, puts his hands behind his head and proceeds to nail me with questions.

“What a dick”, I thought.

But I soon learned it had nothing to do with arrogance [if truth be told, Rodi still doesn’t know how good he is and how good he can still be] he just wanted to make sure I wanted to do the right things, not just the easy or the cool.

Obviously my answers passed his criteria, but whether he still feels he was right to do that after working alongside me for 4 years is something you’re going to have to ask him … but I can honestly say, regardless what he thinks about me, I can definitely say I’ve prospered from working with him.

Apart from being wonderful at his job and being a great colleague … he demonstrates loyalty on a scale I have rarely seen before. When adland talks about loyalty, they tend to equate it to how long you’ve stayed in your job or company, but that’s not what I’m talking about with Rodi.

For him, loyalty is about protecting you.

Protecting you from the snipes of others and protecting you from yourself.

Sometimes he does that through some gentle – and not so gentle – tough love … other times it’s by exposing you to ideas and concepts that just make you go “wow” and then there’s the moments he does it by simply making sure you’re OK because he can sense ‘stuff’ is going on … which is why it makes me laugh he thinks he is a thick-skinned bastard, because he’s actually a wonderfully warm, emotional and caring man and I hope I have been able to be half as loyal to him as he has to me.

We’ve gone through a lot over the last 4 years … good, bad, weird, stupid and utterly, utterly painful … and he’s always been there to help me either laugh it off or push my way through. Even when it was entirely what I deserved.

To be honest, I’m pretty spoilt in that regard because all my wonderful team mates are like that and – as I am sure you are thinking – I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it either.

I suppose the best compliment I can give Rodi is that I regard him as a real friend.

Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t use that word easily but where he is concerned, I can.

And I’m honoured to be able to say that.

So to Rodi … thank you for absolutely everything.

Your brain, humour, talent, anger, loyalty and passion.

Not only do you leave behind a legacy of great, award winning, work … not only can you walk away knowing some of your ideas have changed how NIKE work globally for decades to come… but you leave behind a bunch of colleagues who are very sad you’ve left, but very happy to have had you in their life.

As much as I’m excited to see what you’re going to be doing in the future, I’m most thrilled that you’re going to be doing it with someone super-special by your side. For me that’s the best thing and exactly what you deserve. [It’s also what you need, but I won’t ruin the moment]