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I travel a lot and because of that, I am one of those weird people that has invested in good quality luggage.
No, not that ‘POLO’ brand you get in knock-off markets.
You know the sort, they’re designed to look sophisticated but actually ends up making you look like a total cheap bastard.
Nor have I bought some LV type bollocks … designed to make you look rich and sophisticated but actually ends up making you look like you’re unbelievably gullible, a total label whore and distinctly muggable.
No, I’ve bought some bog-standard, matching Samsonite stuff.
In black.
Designed to hold my clothes [army shirts, shitty jeans and birkenstocks] … put up with the bullshit care and attention you get from Airport bag handlers around the World … and to stay closed and locked so that it doesn’t fling open on the luggage carousel and reveal my Asda pants to all and sundry.
In all honesty, having a good set of luggage feels way better than you’d imagine.
For a start, the wheels don’t act like a supermarket trolley and there’s a sense of assurance when you close it, that it will stay that way until you get to your destination.
I never thought I’d give a shit about a suitcase, but I do … but let’s face it, that’s only because I use the bloody things so much I could justify the cost, because otherwise I’d of blown the dosh on some technology rubbish.
Now I know that Samsonite had an award winning ad recently, but I didn’t buy it because of that.
Apart from the fact I got my luggage waaaaaaaaay before that ad came out, the fact is I’m not so fucking insecure that I need my suitcase to convey the level of status I think I have. Or should I say, want to appear I have.
Now I know I am hardly the blueprint for ‘average consumer’ [Average, maybe. Consumer, probably not] but I saw an ad recently that smacked of a client and agency that just doesn’t understand their audience in any shape or form.
This is it …
WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT.
Are they seriously trying to say that this is the luggage of Rock Stars and VIPS’s
Do they really think this makes them look cool and desirable?
Are they really that fucking deluded?
And why does it look like he’s wearing too-big-for-his-feet ‘pixie’ shoes?
Let me give the people behind this bollocks some advice …
1. Your ad makes the luggage look like it is the bag of choice for assistants and roadies, not Rock Stars or VIP’s.
2. It looks more like a poster for a bad Jean Claude van Damme movie than an ad that is designed to entice the public.
3. We are no longer living in the 80’s. Or 90’s.
4. People who travel a lot [for business] care more about function than style.
5. People who travel a lot [for pleasure] have so much cash that they don’t need a bag to show they’re wealthy … they come in on their own bloody plane.
6. Only people who are try-hards would want a bag that makes them feel like they are successful and travel a lot.
I cannot tell you how much I hate this ad.
HATE IT.
It’s everything wrong with advertising.
It’s not even effective in making people think they would look successful if they were seen with it.
It’s more likely to attract pity than glances of envy.
Which I suppose is one thing we should be grateful to Halliburton for … because in one execution, they’ve ensured that women who travel alone do all they can to avoid any man they see walking up and down the check-in area with their Halliburton bag.
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The angry man is back. In your defence, that ad deserves it.
Comment by George July 16, 2013 @ 6:21 amslightly angry man. hes still a fucking softy to the old days. when i semi liked him.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:33 amWasn’t the Samsonite ad a scam ad?
Comment by George July 16, 2013 @ 6:22 amwho the fuck cares?
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:32 amOh it definitely ran George. Sure, it wasn’t exactly an international – or even national – campaign, but it definitely ran.
Coincidently, just at the right time to qualify for the award season. Funny that.
Ooooh, I’m such a bitch.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:44 ambet youre fucking gutted samsonite doesnt come in campbell camouflage. loser.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:27 amEven I wouldn’t stoop that low. Actually I probably would. Damn.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:45 ammaybe the pricks massive pixie shoes is a subliminal attempt to say men who buy halliburton bags have massive, misshapen cocks? though im betting its like cocks who own ferraris and they really have pricks like a drawing pin.
by that reckoning, whats your best mate with the donkey cock drive? a scooter?
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:31 amprobably needs an 18 wheeler just to carry the fucking thing around.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:32 amGold.
Comment by DH July 16, 2013 @ 6:43 amHe does have a 4×4. But then so do you.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:46 amI think I have just inadvertently complimented you. I obviously didn’t mean that.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:56 amthe only reason ive commented so much is because im at home waiting for a fucking repair man to make excuses for not turning up. im no fucking sad bastard loser who uses this blog as his social club. oh fucking no.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:35 amThis blog becomes readable when you’re here Andy. Please come back. When you’re not here they talk about planning and shit.
Comment by Billy Whizz July 16, 2013 @ 6:54 amHe’s a dad now Billy, he has other things that undermine his time and patience.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:49 amUnsubscribe
Comment by Jennie Crosby Denny July 16, 2013 @ 6:39 amAre you a mental?
Comment by DH July 16, 2013 @ 6:44 amJenny all you need to do is not read the blog and not comment. It’s not that difficult really it’s not
Comment by Northern July 16, 2013 @ 3:11 pmLets face it I considered it when he made me look like Freddie mercury
Comment by Northern July 16, 2013 @ 3:13 pmIt’s ok now he likes the smiths
I DO NOT LIKE THE SMITHS.
I JUST HATE THEM A LITTLE LESS.
Jeez, talk about reframing the situation. What are you, a planner?
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 5:49 pmAre you sure you’re not confusing “repair man” with wives” Andy?
Comment by Bazza July 16, 2013 @ 6:39 amThat was funnier in my head. Now it just looks mean spirited. I didn’t intend that. Sorry Andy.
Comment by Bazza July 16, 2013 @ 6:41 amYou bastard Baz. Cold hearted bastard.
Comment by DH July 16, 2013 @ 6:45 amThat’s what they said about iOS7.
Comment by John July 16, 2013 @ 6:48 amdont worry baz, i never paid any fucking attention to anything you said anyway. give me a new apple everything and well call it quits.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:50 amnice slamdown doddsy. youve been practicing while ive been having a life.
Comment by andy@cynic July 16, 2013 @ 6:52 amWhat’s a life?
Comment by John July 16, 2013 @ 6:59 amAbout $100 an hour apparently John.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:53 amCriticising footwear. Interesting stance. Can only assume your bag-carriers have never dropped a Samsonite on your foot.
Comment by John July 16, 2013 @ 6:46 amI’m guessing it was an all male team who did that ad. Either 18 years of age or 50. Neither are getting laid a lot. Billy? Was this you?
Comment by DH July 16, 2013 @ 6:46 amFuck. You.
Comment by Billy Whizz July 16, 2013 @ 6:52 amSnappy come back Billy.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:53 amWhen I saw the title of this post I thought it was about planning departments.
Comment by Billy Whizz July 16, 2013 @ 7:02 amI was shocked how many comments were on here, then I saw Andy had been on stirring up trouble and it all made sense. Welcome back Andy.
That ad is horrible. Not just for the reasons you’ve stated, but because for the people who already own Halliburton luggage, they now look like wannabe’s which is a sure fire way to ensure they won’t be buying the brand again in a hurry.
The only thing in their favor is that there is only so much luggage you can buy in your lifetime so the loss of business from existing customers is possibly minimal.
Comment by Pete July 16, 2013 @ 7:14 amMaybe that was the strat Pete …
People tend to buy one set of [good] luggage and so if you already own one of their pieces, there’s no point wasting your marketing dollars trying to get them to buy again.
I don’t know if I agree or accept it – or, let’s be honest, if that’s what they did, but it still doesn’t excuse that rubbish ever seeing the light of day.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 8:58 amI wondered if that was the Halliburton and turned up this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Halliburton which seems to me to be full of better avenues to pursue starting with oil-field durability.
Comment by John July 16, 2013 @ 7:19 amIf Rob worked with them, he’d push them to build the halliburton zero car.
Comment by DH July 16, 2013 @ 7:26 amOn a related issue, I’ve always been curious to know why luggage makers (including Samsonite) think that an airport departure area (airside especially) is a good place to put a retail store? There’s usually three or four at every major airport.
Surely no-one needs to buy another bag when they’ve already packed and checked in, or they’ve got their hands full with the carry-on?
Does anyone has a half plausible explanation for this? Has anyone ever bought new luggage at the airport?
Comment by Ian Gee July 16, 2013 @ 1:01 pmMaybe they classify it as marketing expenditure – so rather than be there to sell the stuff, it’s to connect themselves to travellers at key places in their journey. There’s definitely better ways to do it – but they may argue it still works out cheaper than a traditional ad campaign.
Now explain why Tie Rack are always at airports. I know ties might be more readily bought than a suitcase, but seriously …
And don’t say it could be a last minute gift because nothing says “I hate you” more than a bland tie from a shop at an airport.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 1:09 pmA Salvatore Ferragamo one, make no mistake.
I think it’s aimed at women. You never know when you need an extra, empty suitcase to bring back lots of stuff from your trip.
Comment by Andreea July 17, 2013 @ 3:47 amFor your duty free Gitane Ian.
Comment by Ian Sawers July 16, 2013 @ 3:47 pmWell if that’s the case … (pun intended)
Comment by Ian Gee July 17, 2013 @ 1:17 pmMust get one of those super cases for Korea
Comment by Northern July 16, 2013 @ 3:16 pmIf they let me in after the judging I’m doing Freddie and I are going a bit Simon Cowell
Well they’re letting me in and I only gave 4 things over a ‘3’ so maybe they’re associating ‘bald’ with ‘bastards’.
Comment by Rob July 16, 2013 @ 5:47 pmThat’s a gang bang I never want on youporn.
Comment by Billy Whizz July 16, 2013 @ 10:17 pm