The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Either it’s their advertising makes me ill, or it’s their service, thought process or rules.

That said, there is one bank that I save most of my anger for, and that is HSBC.

Originally, it was because their advertising made me angry, their service [or lack of] made me furious and their ethics made me laugh … however despite seemingly handing out my credit card information to every internet scammer in internetville, they have gone and done something recently, that has literally trumped all their previous misdeeds and made me stare in amazement.

A couple of days ago, I received an SMS from them that said this:

OK, so if we put aside the fact they invaded my life with an SMS … pushing a referral scheme is not that bad an idea.

When we had cynic, we did a similar thing and it worked a treat, however the reason it worked a treat was:

1. We were good.
2. Clients liked us.
3. We offered them a better incentive that a 10RMB Amazon voucher.

TEN FUCKING RENMINBI.

FOR AMAZON CHINA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Apart from the fact 10RMB is £1.02, which means you could buy approximately nothing unless you referred about 8000 people to HSBC bank, the fact is Amazon China has less range than a Status Quo album.

Seriously, do they really think we’re that fucking cheap and nasty to sell a totally incompetent financial organization to our friends and family for a voucher we couldn’t possibly use.

Maybe if they upped it to $1000, I’d be sending them my entire Facebook friends list, but for 10RMB … I wouldn’t even bother sending them Kevin Robert’s information.

OK, so it could be argued this referral scheme has more ‘honour’ to the one we used at cynic, because our scheme offered overly generous benefits to clients who introduced us to other companies [depending on whether a referral resulted in a meeting or business, we would reduce their monthly retainer fee by a set amount for a set duration] … but that’s by-the-by, because the real news is there’s a bank that spends shitloads of money telling the World they’re experts in understanding their customers needs, then ‘demonstrates’ this understanding by sending unsolicited SMS to their customers in the belief they’ll happily volunteer the names & contact details of their friends and family for a 10RMB Amazon voucher that, in all interests, they’ll never be able to use.

Seriously, HSBC are incredibly out-of-touch, arrogant or utterly, utterly stupid.

… or this perv, who needed a million likes to sleep with his girlfriend [that is if her Dad doesn’t get to him first] …

… spare a thought for those poor folk at Smarties Australia, who have to come to terms with the fact that while society will happily come to the aid of some stranger with a self-indulgent request, only 23 people were willing to show their allegiance to them, despite feeding millions of Aussies, millions of yummy chocolates for years and years and years.

Despite Smarties being one of my old clients [and a bloody good one given they let me make Smartie calculators for them] in some ways, this restores my faith in humanity.

How are you?

As you can tell, your period of peace is now officially over as I’m back.

Sorry.

It goes without saying I had an amazing time with my Mum in Polar Bear territory … an amazing, special, wonderful time … but don’t worry, I won’t be boring you with it – instead I’ll be boring you with this:

In the last month, I’ve been exposed to the whole gamut of human emotions.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Pain.

Hope.

Love.

Worry.

Adulation.

Peace.

To be honest, it’s been quite amazing for both good and bad reasons … but through it all, I have seen how family and friendship helps you embrace, celebrate and overcome almost every situation in a way, nothing else can match.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “what’s new with that Rob?” and you’d be right, there’s nothing new to it at all – and yet life continually conspires to let us forget the value and importance of being surrounded by people who care … who share the same beliefs and values … who want the best for the common good, not just personal success.

While I was away, I watched a wonderfully amazing program on the famous London hotel, Claridge’s.

For all the talk of corporate culture and team building, this show demonstrated the difference between brands that spout ‘mission statements’ and brands that lead and live by example. It also served as a good reminder that to create strong and powerful brands, you have to maintain and execute your standards, values and beliefs rather than simply viewing your goal as ‘making cash’.

There were so many brilliant things in this show, but for me, there were 10 lessons all business could do with remembering and following:

1. Make sure everyone knows the role, goal and purpose of your company..

10. Never underestimate the importance of strong – yet inclusive – management.

I know all of that sounds utterly obvious – and it is – but having watched the show, you realise how often companies fail to do these things … preferring to either execute a diluted version of these lessons or ignoring them altogether.

Now I appreciate some will claim there are valid reasons for avoidance – and maybe there are – however what I can say is that if more agencies and brands operated in the way Claridge’s acts, I’m pretty sure we would not only have an industry that was better positioned to grasp the future, but we’d have offices full of colleagues who were happier, more productive, more collaborative and imaginative than anything we have today.

Yes, the show was that good. Well, at least for me.